Thursday, August 31, 2006

Gmail Is Giving Me A Complex

Gmail is not really. Its the friends on Gmail that are.

Have you ever logged on to Gmail (those of you who have Gmail) and looked at your friends list and seen a green light? It makes you all happy doesn't it? Just to know a friend is out there somewhere. Yeah, me too.

Then suddenly the green light just goes out.. *boink* ... and you are sitting there looking at the dull, dead grey thing next to your friends name.

Then you think, "Hey, did they log off in a hurry because they saw my little green light pop on on their Gmail friends list? Maybe they were afraid that I would want to chat?"

I wonder how many times I am right about that? Do you wonder about it?

Quote Of The Day

A quote from the GM at my previous job (early this week):

"You will like working here whether you like it or not!!"

That makes me laugh. :)

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Well, It's Funny To Me

At band practice this week I was asked if I'd consider singing one of the songs. I started laughing. They didn't know what they were asking.

I explained that not only had I not played music (with a group) for longer than a decade, I hadn't sung in a longer time than that. Then I tried to let them know that even when I was singing regularly I wasn't very good. I have a very limited range. But they really needed me to try. Kinda sound desperate? Yep, they were.

So I gave it a go. I worked on the Eagles "Take It Easy". We did it several times. When they turned up the monitors after the second go-round and I could hear myself better I was laughing so hard that I had to stop. My weak-ass voice was all over the place. It sucked!

But they kept egging me on to try. So we went through it a few times and it did get better every time. But it still sucked.

I keep telling them I won't be ready to sing by the time of the first gig. But they want me to keep trying. So I will.

If you heard it you would be either rolling on the floor or totally disgusted. For me, it's pretty damn funny.

Stuff That Bugs Me Lately

These are some things that have been bugging me lately. But lately I am easily bugged so....???...

When a person names their daughter Monique, don't you think that the kid has an obligation to be attractive when they are adult? Not look like a neanderthal woman? I thought so. The new person here named Monique just doesn't live up to the name. Of course she spells it 'Monyque' so maybe that is the reason? Maybe.

People who talk when they read. There is a new person here who was sitting in the Production area reading the necessary training documents out loud. She was just going at it like no one was around. Like she was reading bedtime stories to kids. I found it curious.

Did you ever have someone you were talking to suddenly make up an excuse to end the conversation and hurry away from you? It has happened to me several times recently by the same person. We will be having a conversation about something, doesn't matter if it's work or not, and suddenly she will find an excuse to run away. It doesn't give me a complex or anything because I've seen her do it to a lot of people. Next time I'm just going to say, "Hey, stop lying and just say you are bored and need to move on". I'd prefer if she said that anyway.

Along those lines, the same person is one of those who call you friend to your face but they act totally different. That really bugs me. She is my friend when she needs some help with a project or when it's time to present something to one of the big cheeses. But later when I see her in the halls she acts totally indifferent. As long as I'm helping her, she is my friend. I even think she believes I don't notice. Dumb-ass.

School has resumed. The traffic around here has gotten so rediculous. It is almost impossible to get anywhere. I hate school traffic. And all the school workers and teachers for getting in my way every morning. I hate school. Funny isn't it? I didn't like school when I was going and now I have another reason to not like school.

I think we have the best crop of lazy 'engineers' in the world. So-called engineers that is. There just doesn't seem to be enough time in a day for several of these guys to stare at their computer screens. Doesn't matter that the company equipment is going to shit. Doesn't matter how many calls and/or work orders they get. Those computers with all those movies and jokes take precedence. They will all hate me soon I'm sure. I don't call anymore. I go to their desks and drag them out into the world to make sure they do something every day. I'm sure they will hate me for it but y'know, I am having fun. Lazy asses.

I know a guy who always referrs to his Father as a "Hard working sumbitch". He always says that about him. It doesn't matter that the Father's whole family hates him. He is mean, self-centered and a total ass to everyone. When I mention these thing to him he will always say, "Yeah, but he's a hard working sumbitch!" I sure hope they put that on his gravestone. There really isn't anything else to say nice about the guy.

Monday, August 28, 2006


So the weekend is over. It went way too fast. Mostly because I spent most of it trying to recover from the Friday morning mess. I didn't (nor will I) post all the gory details so don't give me crap about how it couldn't have been that bad. Whatta you know anyway? It was. Plus underneath all the stuff I allow people to actually see I tend to be a little emotional. As Daffy would say, "I bruise like a grape." So I held a grudge most of the weekend.

Have I ever mentioned how I can hold a grudge? Oh yeah, I sure can. Plus after a while I find that holding a grudge is kinda fun for me. It gets to the point where I find it fun to make a person uncomfortable.

It feels as high school as it sounds. But it is me.

So sometime around Sunday evening I decided to stop with the grudge and get over it. Just in time for the weekend to end. I won't forget it though. I'm not capable.

Relationships are funny things. I've noticed that whatever age you are a relationship has all the same basic requirements to be successful. You definitely react differently depending on age but the basics are still the same. They need mutual respect, genuine emotional bonds, honesty (not 100% but close to it), sharing, caring..... all the crap you read in a Hallmark card. But I think that respect is one of the keys. If the respect is injured or lost, everything is lost. It is also something that once injured, it is hard to recover.

So that's my Monday speech. A wasted weekend and a 'happy to be at work YB'. Thats what we have this morning around here. I am definitely going to blow off a day this week just for fun. Just me all alone with nothing I have to accomplish. Sounds good to me.

Recovery for me is hard. Most times I wish it wasn't. But sometimes I don't.

.... and sometimes you feel like a nut and.....

Friday, August 25, 2006

Question Of The Day

How good can the day be when your significant other starts it by telling you that you are a "stupid f%$#ing asshole"?

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

People Watching At Starbuck's

As most of my blog friends know I love people watching. It amuses me. Today I got to have some fun with it.

Nicci and I drove together today and on the way down the mountain we were behind this young girl in a KIA. She kept playing with her hair the whole time. She was twisting it and twirling it while she drove. Personally, I didn't care but Nicci kept commenting on it.

Once we were on the main highway we got seperated from Kia Girl but when we decided to go to Starbuck's there she was, right in front of us again. Nicci said she wondered if she was still playing with her hair and once we got close enough we saw that she was. I just smiled and mentioned that I sure hoped she was going to Starbuck's too. Nicci just said, "Oh no." Guess where the girl went? ;)

On our way inside this 'Cool Dude' drove up in this truck that you had to see to believe. It was just a Dodge truck but it was sitting up high. It had those pipes that came from under the body and stuck straight up behind the cab. They made it loud. It had a home made hood scoop and home made flame decorations on the side. It had racing stickers all over the windows. It had two different styles of big chrome wheels and fancy running boards along the side. too bad the paint was all faded and even looked like it was off the hood altogether. I couldn't wait to see the driver.

Didn't have to wait long. He roared into a spot and jumped out of the truck. He was tall and thin, not what I expected from seeing that redneck looking truck. He was dressed all in black. Even his shoes. He had black spikey hair and a big silver chain hanging on his hip. I guess it was attached to his wallet. He half sprinted into the store, looking over his shoulder at us as he closed the door in front of us. We were about 5 feet from it. I guess we were slow?

Once we were in Starbuck's in line I watched Kia Girl order and stand there twirling her hair in her fingers. I thought for a second if she knew she did that. Then when she looked at me I smiled and said, "Nice hair." She looked confused and said, "Huh?" I just smiled innocently and said, "You have nice hair." She still looked confused and said thanks. Nicci elbowed me hard in the ribs. :)

Then Cool Dude ordered. But the ordering was the best part. He called every guy there 'Bro'. We were all his brothers. Then a guy working there came up to talk with him about his truck. He was a really good looking guy. I remember thinking that he probably was popular with women because of his looks. He was sort of tall, light brown hair, bright blue eyes and just all over handsome. Except for one flaw. The one thing about him was that he had shaved both sides of his head but the middle. The mohawk hair was pretty long and very wavy. It totally ruined his look. If he had left his hair in a normal style of some kind he was sure to be somethingof a hottie to the women (and maybe to some guys). But as it was, he looked kind of like a bad-ass-wanna-be-pretty-boy. It was strange. He also was friends with the Cool Dude. Strike two. They called each other Bro a lot. I thought they might hug.

When Mo Hawk waited on us it was apparent he was a true blond. On top of every other disappointment he was a dope too. He had to reenter our order 3 time before he got it right. How hard is an order of '2 grande lattes'? Then he couldn't get the card to work right. He kept sliding the card and it would beep and he would stare at it and give out these heavy sighs. Another guy came over to him and turned the card over and slid it for him. The new guy acted annoyed too so I guess Mo Hawk was consistant with his air-headedness. Then he told us the total, twice the actual total. That had to be fixed. He had rung us up twice. Then when it was fixed he still told us the wrong total. I saw it was right on the screen so I just ignored it.

As we turned to head out I stopped and asked if he had trouble sleeping. He asked why. I said that I thought with his hair like that it would make for some strange air currents at night. That maybe it would be hard to sleep with the air blowing around his head the way it did. He laughed and said he slept fine. He didn't notice any temperature changes at all.

Nicci just kept on walking.

As we headed over to get our coffee a guy in nice professional looking attire came in. He looked normal enough until I saw that his sun glasses were on his forehead. He had not bothered to take them off. Nor had he bothered to push them all the way up on top of his head. They were on his forehead, resting on his eyebrows. I stopped ead and stared at him. I started to ask if his forehead needed protection from the sun but Nicci grabbed me and made me leave. Spoilsport.

I really wanted to know!

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Quote Of The Day

Heard in the office area earlier:

"Thanks Bill. I hope a bug farm grows in your anus." (Said with a genuine looking smile on her face.)

The Jeep Stories

A guy who used to work for me returned to work here a few weeks ago. He ahd left over 10 years previously. We were talking and I casually asked him where his Jeep was since I noticed he was driving something different. (He had saved up and paid cash for the Jeep way back when.)

He started laughing and told me story after story about his Jeep. One was how one day he was driving down the highway and he started smelling something bad. Then suddenly he was in a cloud of white smoke. The engine was on fire. He said, "I remember thinking 'That's not good'". Mr. Understatement. He was in a busy area so he had to hurry to an exit to find somewhere to pull off. By the time he got to an exit he said the paint on the hood of the Jeep was bubbling. So he got into a parking lot and got the hood opened and flames were everywhere. He then started looking for his fire extinguisher and realized he had taken it out for recharging recently. (He is a pilot so he always carries stuff like that in his vehicle.)

Now he's standing there watching his enging burn so he turns and sees a guy going into a business and goes to ask him for a fire extinguisher. The guy asks why and he just points to the Jeep. The guy yells "Oh shit!" and runs inside to find one. But he takes too long so my friend looks around inside the Jeep some more and finally he finds a Coke. So he proceeds to dump Coke all over the engine. Somehow that works and the flames go out.

He had it towed to his garage where he repladed all the melted hoses and belts, started it up and drove it away. Just like that. Apparently the hose to the master cylinder had burst and sprayed fluid over the engine, starting the fire.

Another story he told me was how one night he was following his girlfriend home when a storm came up suddenly. He didn't have the top on the Jeep so driving at night in a storm with no top was difficult. So at some point he passes a truck going the other direction and it splashes a huge pile of water onto him as it goes by. He gets even more soaked but the worst part was the weight of the water hitting the windshield broke the wipers. They wouldn't run. So there he is, pitch black outside, raining very hard, no top and no wipers, glasses soaked and fogging up trying to follow his girlfriend home.

Now the girlfriend gets disoriented and drives off the road over a curb. naturally he can't see what's happening so he syas suddenly the Jepp hits something and he bounces way up in the air. Then he sees his girlfriend stopped in front of him so he hits the brakes and starts sliding in a circle. They had missed a turn and were now in the median of a dual roadway somewhere. He had just bounced over one of those concrete drainage things you see in the miccle of those highways. Luckily the girlfriend had missed it or her car would have been toast.

But they got back on the road and finally made it home. It took days for the Jeep and for him to dry out, he said.

He told me other stories that had me laughing so hard. You have to hear how he tells them to appreciate it. But then, after all the horror stories, he says he really misses the Jeep. He said it was the best vehicle he's ever owned. I asked if maybe all the adventures made him think that way about it. He said maybe but he wished he had never sold it.

Funny how we get attached to things. For whatever reason. I've been there so I understand.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Talking With Liberal Idiots

I had this conversation over the weekend with someone in our neighborhood who I once considered a casual friend. He likes to stop by and talk about the garden and stuff sometimes. I think he may not think of me as a friend anymore:

Friend: I think more people need to help that homeless shelter in town. They need more volunteers to keep it going.

YB: Personally, I hope it folds. That thing shouldn't be in this little town anyway.

Friend: How can you say that? Don't you care what happens to those people?

YB: Nope. Most of them ended up in that situation because they chose their direction badly. Now they want us to support them. I refuse to assist their stupidity.

Friend: They are homeless and need help. How can you not feel bad for them?

YB: I can't feel bad for someone who gets themselves into situations where they are destroying their lives. Most of them are drug and alcohol users and have not learned their lessons. I sit and watch them from my Uncle's store. They sit in their cars and drink all day long. They have the kids sitting there handing them beers. Then they go inside for their free meals. They disgust me.

Friend: That's why we need to help them. They are helpless.

YB: Nope, they are losers. They need to be out working and earning their way. I do feel bad that those kids are in that situation. The kids are the ones who always suffer.

Friend: I can't believe you said that. You act as if you are better than they are. No one is better than anyone else. No one.

YB: Wrong again. That BS line is what creates people like those in that shelter. Some people are better than others.

Friend: WTF are you talking about? If more people would realize that we are all equals then we wouldn't have these things happening to some of us.

YB: Some of them. Get it right. Don't associate me with them.

Friend: (Getting very agitated with me now) How long have you been an ass like that? How can you be so coldhearted? Just who do you believe you are better than anyway? You are not better than anyone else.

YB: I've been an ass most of my life, thanks. But the truth is simply this; I am better than people who don't want to work. I am better than people who won't take responsibility for their kids and provide a decent life for them. I am better than the rapists, murderers, child molestors and crack heads of the world. I am also better than the liberal idiots of the world who push their stupidity in the form of dogmatic crap like "we are all equals" and can't see that they are wrong. That they are making sure that the losers of the world will still be losers because they want to coddle them instead of giving them the tools to learn responsibility for themselves. The liberal idiots with the blinders on who can't see the consequences of their bullshit actions are the worst of the bunch. They only look at the world through their rose colored glasses and think how great they are for 'helping people see the error of their ways'. That's who I am better than.

Friend: (Turning red now) Are you saying you are better than me?

YB: If that describes you then yes, I am better than you. (Smiling broadly)

Friend: WTF is wrong with you? You are sick.

YB: Well, if I am sick in your eyes then I think I'm doing just fine.

Friend (stomping away, probably forever) *mumble.. asshole...mumble....

YB: (talking with Nicci) Gee, that was kinda fun. Who else do you know that is that much fun to piss off?

Nicci: (laughing) Oh boy........

Friday, August 18, 2006

Pretty People

Yesterday we had one of those company update meetings. A review of the past quarter. I went with JC. We sat there before it started chatting and watching people. She and I like doing that (as if you didn't know that about me). In a quiet moment she just casually mentioned that there were a lot of attractive people here these days. I thought about it and looked around and realized that she was right. There sure were.

Then she and I started picking out people we thought were attractive to see if we had the same opinion. We were about 75% of the time agreed. It's funny how that works between different people. I rarely can tell what kind of guy a woman will find attractive but I usually can tell what type of woman is attractive to either a man or woman.

There was one woman who sat nearby who we agreed about. She reminded me of a blond Claudia Black. Not beautiful but very elegant and had a kind of grace about her. She wasn't a person you would immediately glance at and say "Wow, she's pretty." But she carried herself in a way that added to her aura.

There was the big cheeses secretary who was running the show that we both agreed on too. She is pretty, dark hair and a nice tan. Kinda tall and slim. She looks like a stay-at-home-Mom type but obviously shes not. She was wearing one of those denim dresses that had thin straps on the shoulders and was long enough to go to her ankles. She had some sexy strappy sandles on too, which I love. The whole look was sexy but subdued. It was like she was hot but didn't know it. Probably just dressed for comfort but managed to look sexy doing it.

Then we started talking about the guys. There was this one guy who sat in the front. He is a good looking guy but J has the feeling that he knows he is so he bugs her. I thought he was Ok, nothing special but what do I know. He seemed to me like a model from a Sears catalog. Pleated pants with the Izod polo shirt, slicked black hair. That "I'm so way cool" attitude. Good looking but didn't give the impression of being personable. Made me wonder what he was like away from the spotlight.

Another guy came and sat near us who was pretty good looking. One of those who joked easily and smiled all the time. He looked like he worked out a lot and dressed in a casual way that made him look like he didn't care for anything but comfort. He was nice, friendly and good looking. One that we both agreed on.

When my friend Lindsey walked in J elbowed me and said "Theres a pretty girl. Very down to earth and smiles all the time. I like her." I just smiled because she really is that. Shes one who is the girl-next-door type of pretty and she is simply what you see. No airs about her at all.

I guess what we got from all this was interesting. There are some pretty people who know they are pretty and that makes them less pretty to others. There are some who are just themselves and that makes them even more attractive. There are some who try hard to be pretty and that is not always the best thing. Mostly I think that almost everyone can have something attractive about themselves.

Then I started thinking about what it must be like to go through life knowing you are one of the 'pretty people'. Knowing you are physically attractive must be like a super power or something. It would make a person more confident in themselves and that usually translates into good things. I would like to spend a little time trying on that identity. I think it would be fun to experience. But then again, maybe it would make me an arrogant ass. Yeah, I coule see that about me. Maybe. My personality isn't like that but who knows? Perhaps personality is the one thing that gives everyone has a chance to be pretty. Being an arrogant ass makes one ugly. I think I'd prefer to avoid that.

I have no idea where this discussion is headed. I am typing and thinking as I go. I'd like to hear opinions about the subject. Don't be shy. I think all my blog friends are pretty anyway. :)

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Another Survey

I bummed this one from Peachy (who bummed it from Yoj). Go read her answers. She'll make you laugh.

Whats your name spelt backwards?: bobeeknaY

What did you do last night?: I left work really late again, got home, took out the trash, got stuff ready for work this morning and then relaxed with some Governor's White and the Yankee game. (Which the boys won at the O's expense, btw.)

The last thing you downloaded onto your computer?: Other than porn? :) Ok, seriously, music from a guitar tablature site for the band.

Have you ever licked a 9 volt battery?: Of course I have. You haven't lived until you do. (Me too Peachy.)

Last time you swam in a pool?: A long time ago on vacation. I hate swimming.

What are you wearing?: Business casual attire (I'm at work after all) and my sexy thong underwear. (Guess which is true.)

How many cars have you owned?: Geez, let's see... a Pinto, a 1963 Impala SS, a Skylark, an Olds 442, a big Olds Delta 88, a VW Bug, a Celica GT, an Olds Alero, a corolla (Hated that one) 2 BMW 3-series, a Scion and a Jeep. Variety is the spice of life, eh?.

Type of music you dislike most?: Rap. Its not music.

Are you registered to vote?: Yes. I am a Republican but don't ask me what I think of Bush these days. I'll sound like a Democrat.

Do you have cable?: Yes and I just got a new deal on it last night by threatening to disconnect and get a dish. It's weird how that works every time. :)

What kind of computer do you use?: HP.

Ever made a prank phone call?: HA! Too many times to count. Those were the days.

You like anyone right now?: Yep, a few people. Plus one new special one. (She knows who she is.)

Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?: Yes and yes. I plan on doing the skydiving soon too.

Furthest place you ever traveled?: Either Sweden or Denmark. Which is further? Denmark I think.

What's your favorite comic strip?: Calvin & Hobbes!!! I love Dilbert and Peanuts but Calvin and I are kindred spirits.

Do u know all the words to the national anthem?: Yes, but only the first verse.

Shower, morning or night?: Morning. In the evening after a workout but that's not every night.

Best movie you've seen in the past month?: Kissing Jessica Stein. Good movie!

Favorite pizza toppings?: Pepperoni, Onion & Pineapple. Maybe a little extra sauce on it please.

Chips or popcorn?: I like popcorn. Chips are boring for the most part.

What cell phone provider do you have?: Verizon. Now ask if I'd recommend them. ;)

Have you ever smoked peanut shells?: Not that I remember. ;)

Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?: Yes. But only in my mind.

Orange Juice or apple?: Neither one. I will have apple if it's the only thing available.

Who were the last people you sat at lunch with?: My coworkers. We took some guy out for his last day at work.

Favorite chocolate bar?: Hershey's Special Dark

Who is your longest friend and how long?: My friend Mike. We've known each other for about 22 years.

Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?: I hate tomatoes, so I don't eat them whether they are homegrown or not. (Yeah Peachy, me too.)

Have you ever won a trophy?: Yes. I played a lot of school sports. Good thing I had great team mates.

Favorite arcade game?: Elevator Action.

Ever ordered from an infomercial?: I ordered that rotisserie (sp?) oven from the shopping network. It really is great too!

Sprite or 7-UP?: Neither. I can't stand either one.

Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school/work?: No.

Last thing you bought at Walgreens?: I have never been to Walgreens. Is that like WalMart?

Ever thrown up in public?: Yes. Embarrassing too. One would think I'd have learned after the first time.

Would you prefer being a millionaire or finding true love?: Easy, millionaire. true love is more fleeting (even if it sounds like it isn't. Trust me.)

Do you believe in love at first sight?: No. Lust at first sight for sure. Not love.


Did you have long hair as a young kid?: Yes. Down to the middle of my back and I'd still have it now if I could.

What message is on your voicemail machine?: That annoying mechanical woman's voice that comes with the machine. It's neat. :)

Where would you like to go right now?: Yankee Stadium. Otherwise either Hawaii or the Grand Canyon.

Whats the name of your pet?: Abby.

What kind of back pack do you have, and what's in it?: I don't remember what it's called but I do know that it is empty and in storage.

What do you think about most? Winning the Lottery and having a kick ass time with life afterward. Ok, sex too. ;)

Monday, August 14, 2006

No Time For A Real Post

Just wanted to say hello....

"Hi there." Freddy 'Boom Boom' Washington

"How you doin?" Joey Tribiani

"Hey hey hey." Dwayne Nelson

"What's happenin?" Fred 'Rerun' Stubbs

"Live long and Prosper." Spock

How's that?

See ya soon. (I hope.) ;)

Saturday, August 12, 2006

BS Friday Answer

Good morning everyone. I hope everyone else is having the amazing weather we are having today. It is a great morning.

Some friends and I have decided to go out and play a round of golf this morning. I am looking forward to it. Of course, what I do out there sort of resembles golf. They play golf. I hack the course to pieces. But it is fun.

OK, the BS Friday story is all true. All of it. I have never seen such a display of gluttony in my life. It was like something from a bad TV sitcom. That guy was a crack-up.

There was a lot of other funny things to talk about from that meeting too. I just didn't want write a book about it. Those old guys are all characters.

Thats about it for this morning. I hope everyone has a great day. I'm planning on one.

Friday, August 11, 2006

The Return Of BS Friday

Welcome back to BS Friday. Some of you may remember this event, some may not. The gist of it is simple; I'll write it and you tell me if it's true or just plain old BS. This week's post is called: Old Guy Dinner

Last night I went with my Uncle to his Coin Club dinner. It was actually the club's 'Summer Picnic' but if you know guys that are 70 years old and above (nope, not kidding) you know what a picnic is. It's a dinner at an old people's restaurant.

The restaurant was one of those that cater to older people. The kind that doesn't add any spices to the food even to cook it. Not even salt. The evening was pretty funny.

To start with I was supposed to show up for dinner at 6:00. I got there at 5:45 and had to find out where they were meeting. They had 'the special room' reserved. It was a room off the kitchen that you could reserve for stuff like this. When I got in there it looked like a museum full of stuff from the town. There were pics of the town from turn of the century, old artifacts like football championship trophys and there were even old banners from the high school dated from 1920 through 1933 hanging on the walls. It was cool! I felt like I was in the movie "It's A Wonderful Life". Everything looks like that style.

Once I got to the tables I found that everyone was already chowing down on salads and had drinks. I started laughing and asked whose clock had been screwed up. That got a smile from my Uncle and a few of the others.

The dinner consisted of chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy and some steamed veggies. The veggies tasted like warm water. The chicken was OK and the potatoes were bland. The gravy helped them. Until the first incident eliminated the gravy for me and my Uncle.

The incident involved this big fat guy sitting 2 seats down from me. He was really big. He had a super sized shirt on that still allowed his belly to hang out the bottom. I knew he would be a character when I noticed he had empty seats on either side of him so his natural inclination was to eat the salads set at those places too. Yep, he ate 3 salads before dinner. Laughing about it while little lettuce chunks stuck to his lips and chin. (No, I am not kidding.)

Then the real food came out. He grabbed the veggies, slammed a pile on his plate and started eating them right away while passing the bowl on. He did the same thing when the chicken came. The potatoes and gravy started at our end so we got some and passed them on. When they got to him he literally took half the bowl, dumped a huge amount of gravy on them and then proceeded to wipe the rim of the gravy container with his finger and lick it. He did that several times while the next guy waited for the gravy. "Don't want it to drip on the table" he said. I was stunned. The next guy just used the gravy anyway.

When it came back around later I passed.

This guy was amazing! He had 7-8 pieces of chicken, 3 huge piles of taters and gravy, complete with finger licking and gravy bowl wiping every time, a ton of veggies and maybe a gallon of raspberry ice tea. And then he complained when dessert was just one piece of pie. Lets not forget those 3 salads he started with. It was a sight to see.

Then during the meeting part he leaned way back on his chair with that big belly sticking out and he rubbed it while he talked. Like he was polishing it or something.

Later when we were standing outside talking he came out and flipped his hand at us and waddled past. I started laughing because not only did his gut hang out from under his shirt but his shorts were wedged pretty good up his behind too. They were those sort knit type of big old baggy shorts and the leg parts made it to his knees. But the center of the shorts couldn't cover the butt. They were long on the outside of his legs but short on the inside of his legs. My Uncle just watched him walk away. He turned to me and shook his head and said, "That guy is really a mess. Did you see him licking that gravy bowl? I just don't know sometimes."

Neither do I Uncle. Neither do I.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Scenes From My Youth

I have been having amusing flashbacks lately. For some reason different scenes from my long ago past have been popping into my head. It's weird but fun too.

I think it started because the carnival is in town again. It's that time of year when the hometown carnival draws the crowds into the middle of our little tiny town. I remember when I was young being so excited every year when it was time. Kids love that stuff.

But these days I keep thinking "WTF was wrong with me?" Going to carnivals isn't that much fun now. Going to the one in town where all the townies can attend is way less fun. Unless you like to watch rednecks and white trashy people and make fun of them. But I wouldn't do that, would I? ;)

The majority of the population at this carnival are the people who live in town and can't drive out of town for the better carnivals. (Carnivals tour the whole area during the Summer.) These people either are living in the town slums or the homeless shelter. There are some regular people there too but they are a minority. It is just plain scary at that event! My Uncle has his store right next to the parking lot where the carnival is and he goes down there and sits in front in a lawn chair just to protect the store. He knows if he doesn't there probably will be trouble. (It has happened before.)

Nope, I don't know what I was thinking when I was young. I guess kids don't care about that stuff. These days I just ignore them or I go for the munchies and make a quick exit.

When I was in middle school we ahd this Spanish teacher that had a heavy accent. He also had this habit of saying "You know what I mean?" after almost every sentence. It was weird. But his accent made it sound like "Chu know what I'm in?" Naturally being kids we picked up on that quickly and we imitated him all the time.

One day I was in a small group of friends and we were all talking away. There was this hot blond girl I liked there and I kept imitating this teacher every time someone said something. It was funny to me plus I was sure she was thinking I was sooo funny. She had to be impressed, right?

So after a few times she just turns to me, puts her hands on her hips and says in a nasty voice, "No, I don't know what you are in. What are you talking about?" Turns out she had no idea who that teacher was nor did she get the joke. I had come across as a big, self-centered jerk. In her eyes I was just trying to interrupt the conversation(s) and get her attention. I remember being floored for days. Needless to say I couldn't bring myself to talk with her again for a long time. Lesson learned.

I had two friends when I was young, Robbie and Wendy. They liked each other a lot but were both kinda shy. They would talk and giggle and pretend they didn't like each other but to the rest of us they would profess their love. It was cute.

We were all heavily into playing Baseball back then. When we didn't have a little League game to play we would be at the 'vacant lot' playing a pick-up game. Robbie finally managed to get Wendy to play one day. They ended up on opposite teams. I remember thinking that they should just go into the woods and smootch and get it over with rather than just keep up the silliness.

Anyway, Wendy wanted to try pitching so she got in there and pitched. The game went on for a few hitters and then Robbie came to bat. They were so google-eyed at each other. I was thinking "Just throw the damn ball already!" Then Wendy threw and Robbie hit the ball. Hit it hard and hit it right at her. It hit her in the chest, hard on her left boob and down she went. She was in great pain. She cried and cried and we had to help her home.

She never played again and she never forgave Robbie for hitting her like that. She had no idea that it wasn't on purpose. All she knew was that he had hurt her. That was the end of a possibly beautiful relationship. You know, 'a woman scorned' and all that. Sad.

I remember when I was rally little how much I hated baths. Like 7-8 years old little. I would do everything in my power to get out of them. Baths were the scourge of my life back then. I do not know why. I went to great lengths to avoid them. I would take the time to run the water, wet the towel and the soap, change clothes, everything to appear that I had a bath. But I didn't really have a bath. It never occurred to me that all that effort took as much time as actually taking a bath would have. Plus there was the fear factor of getting caught added in. But kids don't think of stuff like that. I didn't realize what a time waster I was. I could have had the bath and been done and clean and in a much better frame of mind and wasted less play time if I just had gotten it over with. Luckily for me I soon discovered showers and then my Mom couldn't keep me out of the tub.

I remember a time when I was maybe 4 years old. I absolutely loved oranges. I had to have oranges as much as possible. Anywhere, anytime. We were at my Grandmother's house and I went looking for oranges. I got into the fridge and found an orange and was determined to 'open it' and eat it up. Naturally I got caught and my Mom and Grandmother kept telling me it wasn't an orange. They said I would hate it because it wasn't what I thought it was. I argued and fussed and cried and begged until they had had enough of me. So they said if they gave it to me that I had to eat it all. I promised I would. That didn't sound too hard to me. So they cut the thing up and gave it to me. I grabbed a hunk in each hand and slammed it into my mouth and then just about freaked. It was a Lemon. Not what I was expecting at all.

Then I was freaking because I had to eat it. I hated it but I had made a promise to eat it. I think I made it half way through and that it took me a long time. Then they let me off the hook. Another lesson learned; don't go begging for lemons. They just don't taste like oranges.

:) :) :)

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

You've Gotta Be Kidding Me

I was trying to tune my new radio to something that will work in my office and I just heard this lyric on a country music station:

"If you're going through hell just keep on going, you might get out before the devil even knows you're there."

WTF? I swear, country music people will write anything and someone will think it has some deep meaning.

I am so gonna write some country hits. It has to be easy. Then I can get rich and go to their awards show just to stand up there and tell them how I wrote all that stuff as a joke and they all fell for it.

Now that would be fun!

I Feel So Ashamed!

I did something that I had sworn I would never do again. Something so bad, so disgusting, so heinous that I still feel a little dirty today. I said I wouldn't lower myself to this level again, but alas, I have fallen.....

.....I watched a Tom Cruise movie.

I know, I know, i hear your sighs of sadness and feel your disgust. I broke down and watched War of the Worlds. I hope you can all forgive me.

I succomed to the temptation because I loved the book. I have read it a few times. The movie made back in the 50's is a fave of mine because it's just so campy. I love "B" movies anyway. So when I kept seeing it on HBO I finally watched it.

Basically I didn't mind it. Cruise was.... well, Cruise. He played that character just like the guy from Risky Business. Just grown up. Anyone else sense that too? It just seemd like the same guy with some years on him. I can see him being the same guy too. That Risky Business guy probably ended up like the WOTW guy did.

But Dakota Fanning was awesome! I thought she did a great job. I was impressed with her. She made me want to jump in there and fight to keep her safe.

I guess the movie wasn't as bad as I had expected. It got such crappy reviews that I thought it would really suck. It didn't. Some of the effects were cool! I loved the way the big machine came up out of the ground the first time. I also thought it was cool the way the people turned to dust when they got zapped by the alien ray but their clothes still kept going.

I also liked the part where the character played by Tim Robbins got it. I'm not a fan of him anymore either. (But he did play the part well.)

Anyway, I hope my blog friends aren't too disgusted with me. My only excuse for my weakness is that the original story is a classic and I really was curious. I didn't mind the movie at all so that was a nice surprise. If you haven't seen it and you don't have anything else to do and it doesn't cost you a penny it's an OK time waster. Check it out as long as it doesn't take away from anything else like organizing your sock drawer, cleaning the toilet, whittling a toothpick out of a giant maple tree, you know, the important things in life. ;)

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Is It The Age?

I'm feeling a little old. It came about thanks to a couple of interactions I've had recently with younger people.

First, I went to WalMart to see if they had the movie Casablanca. I really had the urge to see that movie over the weekend. I had it on video but I got rid of all the videos and I never got the DVD. So I'm looking around and the girl working there comes over to ask if she can help. I told her I was looking for Casablanca. I just expected that everyone knew that one. It's a classic. Well, her blank stare told me differently.

No problem. Not everyone knows the classics. Then she said "Maybe it's over here." and took me to the DVD television shows. I told her it was a movie and she took me to the new releases, explaining how everything was in alphabetical order. So I told her it was an old movie not a new release. She then takes me to the bargain bin. She said, "This is where some of the older movies are. There are some in here that are at least 5 years old." I just smiled and said the movie was at least 55-60 years old. Another blank stare.

Then I said, "You've never seen it? You know, Humphrey Bogart?" She just smiled and said she had never even heard of it or him. Huh. Imagine. So I took her to the classic aisle and showed her the Bogart collection pack they had. I recommended she see at least Casablanca. She really wasn't too interested.

Then yesterday I was at lunch with my friend Lindsey. We were talking about going for sushi next week and I said I owed her so I would 'spring' for the sushi. She said, "What does that mean?" I didn't get what she was asking. She said, "What do you mean 'spring for sushi'?" I just smiled and explained that I would take her for sushi and pay for it. I know that term is mostly heard with old farts but it never dawned on me that someone wouldn't know what it meant.

Maybe it's the age? Maybe I am too easily surprised about these things? I don't have a lot of interaction with younger people so I guess it makes sense that I would be surprised. I'm not that old but I'll tell you, stuff like that makes me feel older than I am.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Happy Blogiversary To Me

It is/was the 2 year blogiversary for Yankeebob last week. Thursday to be exact. I have held off on the celebration on purpose. Simply because I wasn't sure if I would keep going.

Yeah, I know everyone says that when they reach another year. But I was serious about it. Especially after reading through the first 6 months of the blog. Simply put, I liked it back then. The first 6 months were real and honest and the last 6 months have been stinky, lame and boring. I have lost it.

But then I started thinking about what the difference is. Why has the blog changed so much? So much that I don't like it anymore? Good questions. So I asked myself this: "Self, wtf have you been doing differently? What is the reason that you were OK back then and now you are not?" Then I re-read some of the original stuff and I realized this; I wrote whatever I felt like writing. I published whatever opinions and whatever content I wanted. No matter what. Damn the torpedos!

I no longer do that. I have fallen into the trap that I see a lot of bloggers realizing they have fallen into. They get to be concerned about who is reading. They cater to what they think will be popular and what they believe will be interesting for a certain group of readers. They become entertainers and not bloggers. They even go so far as to beg for comments. (That one made me crazy!)

The blog is a diary. Or it's supposed to be like one at least. It is supposed to cronicle a person's trip through this world and hopefully get a little insight from blog friends along the way. It's also a way to see the world without really travelling. Learning about other ways of life via the internet is pretty cool. At least that's my take on it.

I guess it's OK to want to be an entertainer. I like that sometimes too. But mostly I want a record of my thoughts and stuff. My stuff scares even me sometimes and lately I just keep it all inside and post very little of it. That has to change.

So I am giving it another go. I will attempt to be Yankeebob again. I won't be ending this blog as I had planned on doing. I know a lot of fellow bloggers that have experienced the same thing. I think a few of them have managed to get back to their roots, so to speak. I think I can. I know I'm going to try.

So let's celebrate the 2 year blogiversary of Yankeebob today, eh? Let's hope the next year will be as good as it can get. (I wonder what that means?)

Sunday, August 06, 2006

It's Been A Happy, Gay Weekend

Yep, this weekend has been quite fun. Happy and gay as they used to say back in the old days. Of course it's also been gay since I spent Friday and Saturday with my lesbian friends. They are the ones who hooked me up with the Yankee tickets for Friday and I went to a birthday party one was having for the other on Saturday. All in all, a pretty good time.

The game on Friday was great. In case you missed it it featured the Yanks taking an early 3 run lead. They looked like they were going to win by a huge score. They had men on in every inning but couldn't get them to score. Then the O's came back and even went ahead by a run. But the Yanks tied it up again and ultimately won it on a Posada homerun.

I was talking on the phone with one friend and she was telling me about the weird people near her when the Yanks tied it up. They were O's fans and they were really hassling them. Then the Posada homerun and she said the loud mouths wouldn't even acknowlege them after that. Figures.

The birthday party was fun. It was in our old neighborhood. It was a family thing and we had a good time. We got to go and see our old home and we were shocked! We were warned that we would be. Some of you may remember Nicci's garden from back then but now it looks like an abandoned lot. It is a weed field. The place really does look abandoned. Whoever is living there has just ignored the yard. Not just the plants but the trees and the grass. The grass was a foot high with weeds throughout. It was sad to see.

Today was kinda chill (as Yoj would say). I had Starbuck's twice. That was cool. I built a gazebo. I taped the Yankee game and I'm about to watch it. Pretty chill.

Has anyone else heard of Caribou Coffee? At the party everyone was raving about it. They claim that once I try it I will give up Starbuck's. Uh huh. Tall order there. But if I can find it I will try it.

So I hope everyone else had a good weekend. Thats how mine has been. I'm not looking forward to going to work tomorrow but I didn't win the Lottery yet so, whadda ya do, eh? Yeah, grin and bear it.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

I'm Worth $430.50

I was just perusing different blogs and found this on Boredsexless's site. It looked interesting so I thought I'd do it to see what I'm worth.

I'm worth $430.50.

How much are you worth? Add up the dollar amounts for the statements that are true for you. I challenge anyone who does not admit to the $0.50! And no, I am not telling you which ones are true for me (unless you beg me to).

Smoked pot-- $10
Got drunk, passed out and dont remember the night before-- $20
Went skinny dipping-- $5
Had sex in a pool-- $20
Kissed someone of the same sex-- $10
Had sex with someone of the same sex $20
Cheated on your g/f or b/f -- $10
Cheated on your g/f or b/f with their relative or close friend--$20
done oral-- $5
got oral-- $5
got oral in a car while it was moving --$25
prank called the cops-- $5
Stole something-- $10
Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars--$20
Had sex with someone 10 years older-- $20
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27--$25
Cried yourself to sleep-- $5
Cried during sex--$20
Been in love-- $25
Been in love with two ppl or more at the same time --$50
Said you love someone but didnt mean it-- $25
Went streaking-- $5
Went streaking in broad daylight --$15
Been arrested-- $5
Spent time in jail --$15
Peed in the pool-- $0.50
Played spin the bottle-- $5
Done something you regret-- $20
Had a crush on your best friend--$5
Had sex with your best friend --$20
Had a crush on someone at work --$5
Had sex with someone you work with at work --$25
Lied to your mate --$5
Lied to your mate about the sex being good --$25

Friday, August 04, 2006

Shopping With YB

Yesterday after an awesome sushi lunch my friend J and I walked into this women's clothes store to kill some time. Neither of us felt like going back to work right away.

We walked around a little and she saw a black trench coat hanging on the wall. It was one of those that wasn't full length. It would end up above the knee. This is part of the conversation once she saw it:

J: "Ooh! I like that coat."
YB: "Really? It looks Ok but..."
J: "Yeah, it's one of those that you wear to surprise someone. You wear only the coat and nothing under it."
YB: "Uhh..... wow..." (Mental images running through my mind. J is a hottie.).....
J: "Yeah, just the coat and some strappy pumps."
YB: "Hmmm..."
Salesgirl: "Hi. I'm Jennie. Is there anything I can help you with today?"
J: "No thanks. We are just looking around."
YB: "Actually, I think I just fell in love with this trench coat."
J: *giggling*
Salesgirl: "Yeah, it is very popular. Even though it's still summer we sell a lot of those."
J: *giggling and stepping away*
YB: "I'll bet. It is sexy in some unexplainable kind of way. Do women buy them because of weather or for some other personal reason?"
Salesgirl: "Uhmm, I'm not sure what you mean."
YB: "Do have any strappy pumps to go with it?"
Salesgirl: "Really? Oh, well maybe. Uhmm, did you want to see any?"
J: *Grabbing my arm and dragging me away laughing* "C'mon. let's go."
YB: "Maybe some other time. Thanks."


J: "That was fun. Maybe I do need that coat."
YB: "Yeah, you model it, I'll buy it."
J: *Punching me in the arm.* "You are so bad!"

Well, she started it.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

"I'm Not Dead Yet!"

That title is a quote from Monty Python, just in case you didn't recognize it. :)

Nope, I'm still alive. Maybe not well but alive. I haven't had time for a decent blogging session in days. If it's not work it is something else.

Yesterday I did get to see Peachy and Spacebrain for a long lunch. It was so good to see them. I sure miss those two. Wish we still worked together. :(

Now I have to run again. Too much to do today. This job is cool but it is busy. At least for another 6 months. Then maybe I can slow down.

Hope everyone is groovin along. "I'll be back!" (Yeah, another movie quote. Betcha knew that one.)