Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Freakin Blogger!!

Ok, so now I can't post Comments again. I can do posts though. How weird!

I just posted this so no one thinks I'm being a snob.

Blogger has been contacted. (He says in his most synthetic speaker type voice.)

Dump Trucks With Names

Have you noticed that those huge dump trucks all have names on the back gate now? Painted there in huge letters so clear to see as they speed around you. I wonder who gets to pick the names? These trucks are terrors on the road. The drivers run right up into your trunk, speed around like they are in an Indy car and their tires throw junk all over your car. I hate to see one coming. It’s amazing to me the speed they travel.

But the names are pretty colorful. I’ve seen ‘The Grim Reaper’, ‘Tonka Toy’, ‘Pappy’s Baby’, ‘Outta The Way’, ‘Just Passin Thru’ and many more. It’s kind of a cool idea. It really helps me feel better to see ‘Wild Thing’ printed on the back of a maniac driver’s truck as he goes by, nearly crushing my little road racer beneath his 10 giant wheels because I wasn’t going 90 MPH and got in his way. Once I see the name, I’m like “Oh, it’s OK. That guy’s a wild thing and he deserves to own the road. Silly me.”

How about 'Haulin Ass'? I really saw one with that on it. I would think the driver would want to keep that personal fact about himself more or less a secret.

It’s even better to almost be run down by the ones that have stuff like ‘Have A Nice Day’ on the back. “Yeah, thanks buddy. I’m not crushed on the road so this day is nice so far.”

I think I’d name my truck ‘I Just About Got You’ because I feel like a target for them anyway. Might as well let people feel like they’ve managed to dodge a bullet for one day. Might make the other trials of the day seem like less of a hassle.

Or maybe I’d call it ‘Have Some Paint Chips’. That’s what your car gets once they’ve gone around you, swerved back in front of you and all those tires start throwing gravel onto your car. I like that one.

I don’t know. This trend we have going for naming everything maybe has gone too far. These are work trucks. They are huge heavy duty tools and we now are trying to make them cute or something. What’s next, they’ll start painting ads on them. It would be weird to almost get crushed by one and then see on the back as he’s passing by “Have A Coke And A Smile!” I guess if they had ads on them then the driver could subsidize his insurance premiums better. If they did that though, I think the driving would get even worse. Maybe I shouldn’t have put that idea out there. Forget I mentioned it.


This is a test to see if a post works. I haven't been able to post comments or edit posts since last night. If this works, I'll be surprised.

Seems like the Blogger has had many problems lately. Am I the only one noticing this?

Maybe we're overworking it.

Monday, November 29, 2004

New Polls

In keeping with the season I have decided to see which holiday is really the favorite of my blogger friends. (I expect the first choice to win, of course.)

This time there are two polls. I've been involved in several discussions about favorite pets lately. I'd like to see which is really the most popular.

3rd Poll Results

Which of these Classic Rock bands is the greatest?

Aerosmith 20% 4
AC/DC 0% 0
The Beatles 25% 5
Led Zepplin 10% 2
Lynrd Skynrd 0% 0
The Who 10% 2
The Rolling Stones 20% 4
Rush 5% 1
Van Halen (The Original) 5% 1
Yes 5% 1

20 votes total

There were 4 write in votes for Journey.

I'm pretty disappointed. The Beatles are one of my least favorite bands. I am very happy that Lynrd Skynrd didn't get any votes though.

This poll got less votes than the previous 2. Judging from the write ins, maybe I should stay away from classic bands and go for 80s music. We'll see.

Sunday, November 28, 2004

I Really Miss Baseball

I spent a good part of the day checking out some Football action, in between decorating for Christmas. Got to see Pittsburg win again. (Sorry John.) Actually watched the whole Patriots game. They won again. I'm thinking that the Pats and Steelers will be seeing each other in the playoffs this year. The AFC definitely looks tougher than the NFC. Only the Eagles are playing consistantly over there.

Funny thing was, after the game between the Pats and the Ravens was over all I felt was satisfaction in being able to go to work in Baltimore tomorrow with bragging rights. That was it. No celebration. No feeling of excitement, relief, anticipation of the next game. Nothing else. Just bragging rights. If I wanted to that is. Problem is, I really don't care enough. It's just Football.

I remember a time when I was really into Football. Long ago. But not anymore. When my team wins I'm just slightly more satisfied than when they lose. Funny how time changes you, isn't it?

I was a fan of Tennis once too. Now, not so much. Actually I guess no other sport at all holds my interest too much. Except Baseball. I really miss Baseball.

After the Football game I was setting up the VCR to record something tonight and came across a tape with Game 4 of this years Division Series between the Yankees and the Twins. That's the game where the Yanks came back in the 8th, scoring 4 runs and ended up winning in the 12th, winning the series. I had to watch most of it. It's great to not have to suffer through the ads and the crappy FOX commentary. Fastforward is a sweet invention.

It was like I was in a different time watching the game. Like the dreariness of the Winter months was already gone and somehow I missed them. The only 2 things good about the Winter months are The Christmas Season and the end of the Winter months. It's like starting in November everything dies or goes into hibernation. Nothing is alive again until maybe late March or early April. Funny how that coincides with the Baseball season. Maybe Persophene is a Baseball fan too?

I probably shouldn't have watched the game though. Stuff like that makes the off season feel even longer. But for tonight at least, I got a reprieve.

This is my favorite Christmas decoration. If you look closely you'll see a miniature Marvin The Martian, a Yosemite Sam, a Daffy Duck, A Bugs Bunny, A Tweety Bird and a Woodstock with a sign that reads "Joy To The Birds". Posted by Hello

Saturday, November 27, 2004

Today's Mall Adventures

It really wasn’t so bad going to the mall. There weren’t any huge crowds. I thought this weekend would be worse for shopping, but it isn’t what it’s been in the past.

The family thing went well. The only weird part of shopping with older folks is all the rest stops you have to take. Otherwise, It was fun. We didn’t spend much, but we did manage to take care of quite a few gifts for family.

I noticed a few things today that I’m not sure I’ve noticed before. Like how Yankee hats have become a fashion statement. Of course I don’t mind seeing Yankee hats, but I have to doubt that all the ones I saw were worn by fans. There were so many colors, light blue, orange and even pink. I don’t know about pink. Most of the colored ones were worn by younger women types and they coordinated with their outfits. Makes me doubt the fandom. The pink one was worn by a tall black man in a baby blue sweat suit. I guess he likes pastels?

I also noticed that the new cool thing is to carry water bottles and wear athletic type clothes. Is this new or have I been unaware? But you could tell the people who wore the athletic stuff and were athletes of some sort. They not only looked the part physically, but they moved with confidence and weren’t at all interested in who was checking them out in their cool clothes. The majority of the jock wannabes were so concerned about their look and who noticed them it actually was funny. They had that swivel headed giggly disease. The difference was pretty obvious.

I want to know if there has ever been any couple who could walk gracefully when their arms were wrapped around each other? It looks like it should be easy, but with one person’s arm across the shoulder and the other person’s around the waist, it just sucks. And it looks sucky. I saw a few teenage couples walking this way, but they didn’t look comfortable, especially when they were out of step. Being in step would have helped. Older couples have learned their lessons. It's holding hands or walking arm in arm.

And speaking of being in step, I saw one young girl walking wearing flip-flops but only her toes were staying on the rubber sole. The bottom of the flip-flops were twisted outwardly and her heels were hitting the floor most every step. How weird that looked. Plus, it was pretty cold out. How did she not freeze her feet?

At one point we went into a store called Claire’s. This place isn’t meant for guys to go into. And this one in particular was a mess. The area around the outside edge was stocked with merchandise, but the whole center of the store was cardboard boxes of unpacked stuff. You felt like cattle being led through a chute, slowly going around the store to certain doom. It was weird. Almost like we were touring their warehouse of unpacked items. “And here to your right you’ll see this fine corrugated container of beautiful cheap ass costume jewelry… oops, I mean fine authentic imitation diamond hair clips.”

We went into Hecht’s at one point for something and when we got to the line a really nice clerk tried to wait on us. She was soft spoken with a nice Spanish sounding type accent. She was very helpful. Suddenly, from off to my right, some woman who looked quite a bit like Mrs. Thurston Howell III from Gilligans Island bumps into me and starts insisting that the nice clerk do some price checks for her immediately. (She had several items with her.) She claimed she had no time for waiting and would have to leave the store if she didn’t get help soon. She kept insisting and acting like an ass so much that the poor clerk was getting flustered, so I told her to go ahead and take care of Ms. Impatient first. Mrs. Howell looked at me and asked what I had called her and I just said (in my best Thurston Howell III voice) “Nothing Lovey. Just go right on ahead. I can wait.” At this point Nicci walked away laughing and the pushy woman just shut up. The clerk just looked stunned. It was fun.

I heard this song today: “Everybody’s doin it doin it, picking their nose and chewin it chewin it, yeah everybody’s doin…..” A few kids (5) outside the Dairy Queen were singing this song as loud as they could. Their parents were right there laughing along with them. This one’s a classic I remember from my childhood.

And have you noticed how rough the ice cream crowd can be? When it’s time for ice cream, you sure don’t want to get in some peoples way. I had one person force her way ahead in the line and several attempt it. The one I let go was an elderly lady who probably felt like time for her is short, so she deserves to get going quicker than the rest of us. I let it go. The way people were acting there, you would think this was the last stash of ice cream on the planet and these people were ice cream junkies. Sheesh!

I also noticed that the majority of Mall Jewelry Store Clerks appear to be middle aged women with dyed hair and heavy makeup. They wear very tight clothes hugging not so tight bodies and have about 80 pieces of jewelry on themselves. Like a walking billboard. It’s kind of a brassy look. Like she’s trying to appear much younger than she is. Problem is when a guy sees this advertisement, he’ll immediately picture his girl when she’s in her 40’s and looking like the clerk. No one wants to think that way. That can’t be good for business. The guy who envisions that one isn’t going to buy jewelry, not if his relationship is serious.

The most important thing I noticed today was something I already knew; if I’m not warned many days in advance of an impending shopping excursion, I’m not mentally prepared for it and I don’t like it. I was bored within the first 15 minutes, so I started watching the people. I do get some good entertainment from that. How do people who shop all the time stand it? It's sure not for me.

Mall Shopping With Old Ladies

So today I’ve been roped into shopping at a mall with the ‘Old Ladies From Up North.’ These ladies are my Mother and two aunts. They called and wanted us to escort them to one of the malls down here so they could shop for Christmas. They have a big mall near to them, but like all people, the grass is greener elsewhere. They are convinced the prices and selection are better in this area. The selection, true. The prices, totally false. But we’re talking two 75 year olds and my Mom who is not a spring chicken. They are sure they’ve got the whole shopping thing down. Experience and all that jazz. I don’t argue with them.

So this trip should be interesting. I expect to have some really good people watching stories tonight. I’ll put in more detail this time. Last night’s post was hurried and didn’t get the full experience across.

I love people watching stories. Some of the stuff you see and hear can’t be invented. Especially this time of year when everyone is so desperate to get what they want, when they want and they don’t mind trampling the herds if they get in the way. Totally a time of the year chock full of tragic comedy. I love it!

So I’m going shopping with the old ladies. My favorite aunts, my Mother, Nicci and my keen sense of observation. This could be fun. (Plus there will be ice cream involved, so it can’t be all bad eh?)

Drug Munchies

Here’s something interesting, I was curious so I chewed up one of those Aleve tablets. I just wanted to see how it tasted. They are the little blue diamond shaped ones that are supposed to ‘bring up to 12 hours of relief’. They work pretty well, but as a snack, I wouldn’t recommend it.

The taste is pretty indescribable. It was worse than bad. Along the lines of horrible. And it wasn’t just the taste. The more I chewed, the more it became kind of pasty which kept it in the teeth for an extended period. It also started to burn. Some kind of medicinal burning that leaves your tongue numb for a while. Not a good numb. I still could taste the yuck.

So now we all know. Our curiosity is satisfied. Don’t try this stunt, it’s been done and I surely don’t advise anyone else try it. It is not for the weak of stomach.

Friday, November 26, 2004

Shopping On Black Friday

Today I went shopping. Yep, the worst day possible in the entire year and I ended up going. Weak ass me, I'm a follower sometimes. I got suckered into it by the old "We'll just make this one quick stop" story. Oh well, that's me, Bob The Gullible.

Aside from the fact that the 'one quick stop' turned into 'the 7 semi-long to long stops', the day really wasn't that bad. I expected the shoppers to be swarming the stores, but they weren't. At least where we went, it wasn't too crowded. Maybe we went to some sucky stores but we didn't realize it.

At one point we went to a Hanes outlet. Nicci needed something there that her mother had asked for (not a Christmas thing) so we went. I highly recommend a trip to this store. It's a different world in the Hanes universe. I've never been in a place where the expected masculine fantasies could be trashed so quickly and completely. It's an underwear store for craps sake, but the clientele were almost all really old ladies or very young girls. Very disappointing. But entertaining they were.

There were two really old women discussing the merits of the thigh high nylons on their sex life. One woman was fairly explicit about her man not needing viagara when she 'traipsed around in nothin else'. She had to be 70 years old! Go Grandma!

Then there was the young teen girl trying to help her Mom decide on the color of her undergarments for some kind of date. The girl was maybe 14? The Mom was 40 going on 14 and, shall we say, a bit on the hefty side. At one point she asked the girl if she thought the black would help her look thinner. The girl just looked at her and laughed. Then she said "Mom, just give it up. Wear the red." Then she walked away still laughing. Weird thing for the two of them to be talking about.

A little later we went to visit a friend at her coffee shop. After visiting a while, some guy came in who was nicely obnoxious. He was playfully flirting with our friend, asking for her recommendations and making slightly off-color jokes, then he went to the restroom. Once he came back out, that's when he really got rolling. He started asking us if we ever saw the Seinfeld episode where George experienced 'shrinkage' after being in the pool. He claimed that the restroom was so cold he ended up peeing down his leg due to the shrinkage. Later he did say he 'almost' peed down his leg, but the image was still there for me and I thought his time to leave was well overdue. Who talks to complete strangers like that? He looked normal enough. Of course, come to think of it, I guess I look normal too. Hmm, hadn't thought of that before.

Well, this is longer than I wanted. I haven't even recorded all the day's adventures. I'll try to get more in tomorrow. There were many. I tend to watch the people around me constantly when I'm out and about. The shopping is kind of boring, but the shoppers provide for tons of free entertainment.

Oh, and if you're hungry, I highly recommend Chipolte. We went there and it was great!

Thursday, November 25, 2004

I'm The Stuffed One

Happy Thanksgiving Day.

I'm just taking a quickie here to check in. The dinner went very well, if I must say so myself. (And I must since I am Chef Of The Day.) Giant sized dinner. Now we're giant sized stuffed.

Checked out the Macy's parade, like always. I like traditions. Watched some of the Lions getting their asses whipped pretty bad. Too bad, I like the Lions, but they looked stinky next to the Colts.

I noticed the SciFi Channel is running a marathon of cheesey monster movies today. Very cool. I love those cheap made masterpieces.

Speaking of traditions, I watched A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving today. Everyone should have tradions that include the Peanuts gang.

Getting ready for the Seinfeld special tonight. Wouldn't miss that for anything.

Well, almost anything. ;)

I hope all is well with my blog buds.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Happy Thanksgiving Everybody!!!

This is just a quick post to wish everyone who stops by a very happy Thanksgiving! I'll be leaving work early (soon) and I'm not sure what my home schedule will be like, so I'm posting this now.

I get to go to the grocery store (whee) for some last minute stuff, then I'll be prepping for the big dinner tomorrow. I know it's shocking, but yes, I do all the cooking on Thanksgiving. And I'm damn good at it too! I don't cook often because I get too much into it. I'll be starting pretty early in the morning (after Starbuck's, of course!) and by noon the kitchen will be a wreck. Thankful for dishwashers anyone?

Anyway, I'll be checking in eventually, but until then HAPPY THANKSGIVING to all and to all a... wait, I think I got mixed up there....

Anyway, you get it.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Sad Story, Again

I heard about this story this morning. This woman killed her 11 month old baby, calmly and without remorse. Now I'll bet the cry-babies of the world will rush to her aid, pitying her and trying to 'help' her. The old "She didn't know what she was doing" bullshit.

PLEASE! She's a nut job. She needs to have the same thing done to her. That baby was helpless. And the losers that decided she was OK to stay a parent should have their asses kicked too.

One of the biggest problems with the world today is the way crazy people like this one are coddled and then turned loose again. This one deserves to get what she gave.

How many times will we hear these kinds of stories? The woman in Texas (I think) that drowned her kids in a bathtub, the one in Georgia (?) that put them in the car and ran it into the lake. A pair of twins recently in Baltimore beaten to death after the parents were allowed to take the infants home from the hospital after their first bout with abuse. They said child services 'made a mistake' allowing them to take the children back home. Duh!

Too many.

I say sterilize these nuts that have a history of abuse/depression so no more kids can be hurt and/or killed. We don't have the nerve to execute the crazies, at least we can keep them from breeding more fodder for their sickness.

Someone needs to protect the children.

My New Super Power Revealed

I’m starting to notice a disturbing pattern with my *secret* crushes. This all is fresh in my mind now that Sandra Bullock is hanging with Jesse James. Separately they are interesting people, but as a couple, they seem quite the odd pairing. Just how does this in any way affect me you say? Well, here’s the thing.

When I was a kid, I was in love with Kate Jackson. (Yes, Kate Jackson.) Suddenly, from out of nowhere, she hooks up with weird guy Andrew Stevens. That was hard to take. I thought she should have done way better than that.

Next in line was my love affair with Courteney Cox. For me, there was never a more beautiful babe ever! Then, from out of nowhere, she hooks up with weird guy David Arquette. Tell me that’s not an odd couple! Sheesh!

Most recently I’ve fallen for Eva Longoria. What a babe! But just yesterday I saw a picture of her with J.C Chasez from ‘N Sync infamy. WTF? No one from ‘N Sync should still be allowed out in public, especially with someone like Eva.

Seems like every time I decide to be in love with a celebrity babe, they get something screwey in their brains and end up with weird guys. Maybe I should consider being celibate in my fantasy life. Or maybe (insert evil, diabolical laugh here) I could use this power to some advantage.

I think I’ll develop a crush on say… Bette Midler. Granted, that would be seriously tough to do, but then she would hook up with someone like… Mike Tyson! Every time she opened that big mouth of hers old Iron Mike could bite off some body part and shut her up.

Maybe I’ll develop a crush on say… Celine Dion. This would be very hard to do, but then she would hook up with maybe… Marilyn Manson! Can you imagine the media frenzy when she shows up on the red carpet wearing a dress made just of chains and a g-string only? (A la Rose McGowan) Sweet!

Yeah, maybe I need to re-think my use of this new found power I have. Why did it take me so long to realize I could use it for good rather than evil? I could have saved Sandy, Kate and Courteney. Maybe it’s not too late for Eva.

Monday, November 22, 2004

High Points Of The Day

I didn’t have to suffocate from the ‘old lady perfume’ today.

There is this older woman in HR that comes over to our building occasionally. She wears this super strong old lady perfume that probably costs about $2.00 per gallon. When she’s around, it’s very hard to breathe. As I was leaving our building to go to the main building, I saw her headed our way. I chuckled as I walked past because I knew what lay in store for those poor saps I had just left behind. As I continued to the front door, the odor from her wake brought tears to my eyes, it was that strong. This is outdoors. I still had about 35 – 40 steps to go to the door and it was still a stench to be reckoned with. No wonder we don’t get skunks around the buildings.

I overheard plans to take over the world!

I waited in the lobby of the main building and watched to make sure the ‘perfume lady’ had left our building before going back. As I waited, I overheard the Receptionist and the ‘Phone Girl’ guard talking. The conversation went something like this:

Girrrl, Ida dun mufe crasn buttswer helddger mofo. Well honeee, thas jus buft knober storf fer dus thas meetfes sucka! Yesssirr, tes fatswe hunga stud hans dwn fortne mastco ken shit.

This went on for quite a while. As it is, they may have been planning to take over the world and I never could have understood enough to tell anyone. Keep in mind these two are the first people anyone coming into the company talk to.

I found out I have a Go Gos CD.

I decided to check out what CDs were in my car disc player on the way home. As I forwarded through them, suddenly “The Best Of The Go Gos” CD started playing. I know, that’s definitely a blast from the long ago past, but it was fun to hear it again. Plus, I forgot I even owned it, so finding it in the CD changer was a bonus.

I had a kick-ass pizza for dinner.

I ordered an anchovy, onion and pineapple pizza from Pizza Hut along with hot wings for dinner. They actually brought it earlier than they said they would. It was awesome. The wings were smoking hot. Great way to end the day. I can’t make them homemade like Meritt, but this was pretty darn good.

Well, those are my highlights. Nothing else of consequence to tell except maybe that I’ve had Journey songs going through my head all day thanks to the new poll comments. Oh well, it could’ve been worse. Cat did mention New Kids on the Block . Good thing I don’t know any of their music (using the term very loosely) or else I’d be in the looney bin by now.

2nd Poll Results

If there were no consequences, no strings and no repercussions who would you prefer to spend one night of passion with?

Your favorite celebrity. 31% 9
Your favorite sports hero. 21% 6
Your favorite blogger bud. 7% 2
Your favorite porn star. 3% 1
Your secret crush at work. 28% 8
None. My significant other is just fine. 10% 3

29 votes total

I guess the results are a bit surprising. Not that the celebrity choice won, but that a lot of us have a secret crush at work. Hmm, so how do we make these fantasies come true?

New Poll

A new poll has been posted. I kept it to just classic bands. That way some other time we can do other music catagories. I also kept this week's to a less personal subject. I think I'll try to alternate that kind of thing.

No, I'm not enamored with all these bands. For one, The Beatles is listed only because CL would be very upset with me if they weren't.

If anyone has any suggestions for a poll subject, I'll gladly make one. Lemme know.

Thanks to Madley for pointing out my oops. We now have a button for checking the results.

The old poll ends today.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

A Book Review For Men

This week our book review will cover a new edition of an old classic, the Christmas 2004 Victoria’s Secret Catalog. This Christmas Edition classic has been around many years now and we always look forward to the newest installment in this continuing saga of beauty, brains, art and corporate greed.

In this latest spectacular segment, we immediately see this story will be quite titillating just by viewing the vixen pictured on the cover. On the cover is a delightful rendition of a young innocent looking blond temptress wearing little more than a look that quietly screams “Come to me. Buy my clothes and be fulfilled.” Beautiful. Quite the eye catching start.

Opening the cover, we are stunned by a picture of exquisite beauty! It is a gorgeous pose by Adriana Lima in a sparkling ensemble complete with sparkling belly jewelry and glittering background. The wind gently blowing back her hair, the lack of too much bothersome clothing and a look on her face that quietly dares you to ‘Come Hither’. Who wouldn’t? Fantastic!

We immediately notice that the geniuses at Victoria’s Secret have done a remarkable job putting this year’s catalog together. They have started the whole thing off with a bang by placing all the luscious models in lingerie in the front and worked toward the back with the more over-dressed chicas. Pure genius as far as we men are concerned. Who wants to have to search for the important pages anyway? At any rate, ther is much to see here and I can’t possibly continue doing a page-by-page review, but I will record the highlights for you now.

Other than the above mentioned two pages, turning to page 10 we find more exciting images of beautiful lingerie. Continuing on to page 13 we find the luscious Adriana again wearing pink lace with just the slightest of nipple shadow showing through. At page 16 we find an exciting set of photos of an auburn haired beauty in some very revealing ensembles. For 4 pages you can see this gorgeous woman and try not to hyperventilate. Pardon me while I catch my breath.

Moving along to page 30 we find the incomparable Naomi Campbell in a see through jeweled bra. More nipple shadow showing. So amazing! More highlights from Adriana and a beautiful blond on pages 36 and 37. Fantastic artistry! Pictures of almost naked butts on page 47 will take you to new heights of wanting.

My personal favorite out of all of the beautiful renditions in this amazing work of art is on page 45. Adriana in a gorgeous black outfit that is pure perfection from the top of her head to the amazingly sexy tips of her toes. Those shoes! Wow! Personally, if I were ever to see someone like that in real life, I’d probably have to be rushed to the hospital with a coronary.

I could go on and on this way, but I won’t. Let’s just suffice it to say that the wonderful folks at Victoria’s Secret have outdone themselves once again, bringing us some of the most beautiful classic literature to ever grace the mailboxes of America. I highly recommend a slow perusal of every page, taking in every nuance of every lovely picture. How better to start the holiday season? Keep up the good work V.S.!!!

Until next time, thanks for checking in with ‘Book Reviews For Men’, brought to you by Yankeebob.

Ta Ta for now!

Thoughts To Start The Day

Good thought: These Chocolate Chip Cookies made with Andes mint chips are awesome!
Bad thought: They probably will make me gain 5 pounds before they are gone.
Concern: What do I care about that for? No concerns here. These cookies rock!

Good thought: Cheryl Lemke has finally gotten a decent hairstyle.
Bad thought: I wonder if she gets any thinner will she start looking like just a skeleton?
Concern: What is up with this mini-crush I have on Cheryl Lemke? There are others a bit more attractive. And how does someone know the names of Meteorologists on the Weather Channel so well?

Good thought: I gave my last $6.00 to the Salvation Army yesterday.
Bad thought: The girl ringing the bell was pretty hot. Maybe she wasn’t flirting, but …..
Concern: Who checks out Salvation Army bell-ringers? Did I give up the dough because she was sweet?

Good thought: I didn’t lose any money at poker last night.
Bad thought: That’s because I bailed and didn’t brave the bad weather and fog.
Concern: I’m becoming a hermit. Are the winter blues here already?

Good thought: A Sandy movie was on last night.
Bad thought: Is she really hanging with that biker guy, Jesse James?
Concern: When I saw her in the movie, she looked diminished in my eyes. (Due to the biker dude thing.) Her personal life is none of anyone’s business, but I did have that reaction.

Note: I do like Jesse. I thought Janine was more his speed though.

Good thought: The Macy’s parade will be on Thursday morning.
Bad thought: I wish I would be there to see it in person.
Concern: I keep planning on going to this thing, but I haven’t yet. Got to get serious before I can’t do it. And how does one get to be one of the giant balloon handlers? I want to hold the rope for the Snoopy balloon.

Good thought: The Starbuck’s latte was awesome this morning.
Bad thought: I should have gotten a venti instead of the usual grande.
Concern: How busy will it be when I go back for a Gingerbread latte this afternoon?

Ok. How's that for deep thinking? Now I can start my day.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

Feeling Lost And All Blocked Up

I haven't done any of my own writing since Thursday. I guess I've been in one of those 'Bloggers Block' periods.

So I tried to do something this morning, but it came out very negative. I gave up.

Here's my latest head-trip; lately I've noticed how tough it is for me to stick to a 'normal' lifestyle. I don't know if anyone out there has experienced this, so I'll try to explain it as best I can.

You know sayings like 'you can take the boy out of the city but you can't take the city out of the boy'? There are many different variations of this one. Well, that's how I see my struggles with the normal, grown-up lifestyle. I don't handle it well.

I believe it's OK if someone settles down and never has had the opportunity to go nuts in their life. By going nuts, I mean doing things like partying a lot, being spontaneous and just disappearing for long weekends, living without anyone to answer to but your own conscience. That kind of stuff.

But the opposite is tough for someone who was used to living that way and tries to settle down after. Sort of 'you can take the freedom from the boy but you can't keep the boy from craving his freedom.' It's very hard for 'the bad boy' to turn into the 'good boy' and learn to like it. It's probably not so tough for the 'good boy' to stay the 'good boy' since he doesn't know what he's missing. (I think that's true at least.)

Bottom line is, the innocent should stay innocent. Then they wouldn't have to go through the constant withdraw from a life that held much more living in it.

That sounds weird reading it. I know what I'm trying to say, but I'm still having a hard time expressing it. Maybe the word innocent should be sheltered? Maybe the "much more living" part should be "much more adventure"? I'm not trying to sound like an ass. I'm just trying to get this straight.

Here it is, lately I find life more and more boring and routine. The weekends are even boring. The only saving grace is that I'm not at work on the weekends. But I did go to work 2 weekends in a row recently. That's nuts for me to do, but it broke the monotany. Sheesh!

Well I'm just spinning my wheels here. Maybe this makes sense to someone. Maybe I should have waited to tackle it when my block was gone. Maybe I just don't know what I'm talking about.

I do know this, it is going to be a long night. Again.

A New Quiz

New Quiz thanks to El Sid for the link.

(I try to resist, but I just gotta know!)

"You must remember this, a kiss is still a
kiss". Your romance is Casablanca. A
classic story of love in trying times, chock
full of both cynicism and hope. You obviously
believe in true love, but you're also
constantly aware of practicality and societal
expectations. That's not always fun, but at
least it's realistic. Try not to let the Nazis
get you down too much.

What Romance Movie Best Represents Your Love Life?
brought to you by Quizilla

Friday, November 19, 2004

Laws I Would Think Up

I found these laws accidentally doing a search for something else. They are hilarious! (The site claimed they are all real.) Sometimes you gotta wonder about our elected officials.

- In California, it's illegal for a vehicle without a driver to exceed 60 miles per hour...
- In South Carolina, every adult male is required to take a rifle to church on Sunday in case of attack....
- In Maine, it's illegal to keep Christmas decorations up past January 14th....
- In L.A., California, a man can legally beat his wife with a leather strap, as long as it is less than two inches wide, or she gives him permission to use a wider strap.....
- In Arkansas, a man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month...
- In Mobile, Alabama, it's unlawful to howl at ladies inside the city limits, or wear pumps with sharp heels...
- In Dyersburg, Tennessee, it is illegal for a woman to call a man for a date...
- In Michigan, a state law stipulates that a woman's hair legally belongs to her husband....
- In Iowa, it's illegal to kiss longer than five minutes....
- In San Francisco, California, it's illegal to wipe one's car with used underwear....
- In Arkansas, flirtation between the members of the opposite sex on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term....

Thursday, November 18, 2004

Bob's Big Boy Was Here

The Bob's Big Boy guy was here today. You know, the giant freaky looking boy statue that was the symbol of Bob's Big Boy. The same one that Dr. Evil used as a rocket ship in Austin Powers. Yep, he was here.

We have this service guy that comes in and he looks just like that Big Boy. All creamy faced and innocent looking. But looks can be deceiving. (Insert your favorite eerie music here.)

This was his 4th time doing work here. On his 2nd visit, (yes, just the 2nd time I'd met him) he was acting a bit peckish. At one point, he started freaking out and screaming at his laptop, swearing the whole time. Then he started swearing at his printer. Then he started to rip the paper from the printer and throw it as far as he could, balling up one page at a time and throwing it like he was pitching in the World Series. Then he started grabbing the printer to throw it, but I thought it best to intervene then. He looked at me like he was going to throw me, then he calmed down and finished getting the printer to work. It took about 2 minutes of focus to get it working. ???

Another service person told me later that old Bob is like that a lot. Now, we are new to him, and this got me wondering about what he does in places he's been to more than twice. What does he act like when he's really comfortable at an account elsewhere?

I can see him now, kicking back with his feet up, popping the top on a brew, starting the printer, having it jam up and whipping out his shotgun to blast the confurned gadget into oblivion! Scary.

Looks can be deceiving.

On the way out of the facility, he started telling me that he got engaged and how he was looking forward to the wedding. Hmmm... methinks that woman hasn't seen the Mr. Hyde part of him or he maybe doesn't act that way with her. A mystery, for sure.

But what I want to know is; who would want to have Bob's Big Boy in their wedding pictures?

I Want A Cool Walk

Yesterday on the way home we were stopped at a corner stop and this guy came walking/strutting by. He looked like he was sort of bouncing up every time his right foot would make a step. He also looked like he was extending his stride to the maximum his legs could reach. His shoulders did an exaggerated swing every time the right foot bounced him up. It really didn't look comfortable.

I see people in this city doing the 'cool walk' thing all the time. This wasn't one of them. He just looked like he was working out as he walked. But some people have it down. Sometimes a cool walker will come by and I'll think, "Hey, that dude is soo cool". Then when no one is looking, I'll give it a try. Afterward, I'll have a good laugh at even thinking about it.

How does anyone decide they need a cool walk? Most people just push their feet ahead to get where they are going without doing a semi-dance thing and they get there just fine. And how come you rarely, if ever, see a woman doing the cool walking? I remember when Grease first came out and all the guys in my old neighborhood would try walking like John Travolta did in the movie. We all looked ridiculous!

But it does make you feel like you're different somehow. You feel like you are the coolest thing happening at that spot you're walking in. Kind of like when you feel for sure when you're 'cool walking' all the babes are checking you out. They just know there's more to you than the semi-pretty face and cute buns they've been checking out. You know when you go by a hot babe they are thinking, "That dude has it all. Cute buns, a semi-pretty face and he works out as he walks. How cool he must be!"

If I thought this would work, I'd figure out how to walk cool. I'd develop the Yankeebob strut. Then I would go to Yankee Stadium and get all the babes to want me. Then when they were sure they had to have me (thanks to the cool Yankeebob strut) I'd be forced to leave some of them all alone, broken hearted. Non-Yankee girls, sorry, but cool walking Yankeebob is a purist and can't be swinging with someone who isn't a Yankee.

So if the Yankeebob strut gets you going, and you aren't a Yankee, at least lie to me for a little while. I'm a forgiving guy.

Yeah, I need a 'cool walk.'

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

I Wanna Puke.

This is what I think of the Yankees talking to Princess Pedro. Can't they see he's just trying to drive up his price anyway? He needs to go to a NL team so someone can pop him with a fastball the way he does it to others when he gets pissy.

I couldn't stand it when the Yankees signed Clemens. Worse, when they signed Benitez. Now this threat?

Screw you Pedro. Stay with the piss-ants in beantown.

I'm A Criminal

A new quiz thanks to El Sid.

You are the Marquis Da Sade. Even stripped of
exaggerations, Your real life was as dramatic
and as tragic as a cautionary tale. Born to an
ancient and noble house, you were married
(against your wishes) to a middle-class heiress
for money, caused scandals with prostitutes and
with your sister-in-law, thus enraging your
mother-in-law, who had you imprisoned under a
lettre de cachet for 14 years until the
Revolution freed you. Amphibian, protean,
charming, you became a Revolutionary,
miraculously escaping the guillotine during the
Terror, only to be arrested later for
publishing your erotic novels. You spent your
final 12 years in the insane asylum at
Charenton, where you caused another scandal by
directing plays using inmates and professional
actors. You died there in 1814, virtually in
the arms of your teenage mistress.
You are a revolutionary deviant. I applaud you.

Which Imfamous criminal are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I'm a deviant. Where's my applause?

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

1st Poll Results

Which of these shows were/is the best?


Seinfeld 17% Total = 5
Saturday Night Live 13% Total = 4
Cheers 7% Total = 2
Star Trek The Next Generation 7% Total = 2
Baseball Tonight 7% Total = 2
Buffy The Vampire Slayer 20% Total = 6
Friends 10% Total = 3
The A-Team 3% Total = 1
Gilmore Girls 3% Total = 1
The Kids In The Hall 13% Total = 4

30 votes total

Looks like we're a bunch of Buffy, Seinfeld, Kids In The Hall and SNL lovers. That's good. I love all those. 30 votes is great! I didn't know what to expect, so the result is pretty cool.

For everyone's information, I've added these two comments from the Nov. 15 post announcing the new poll, just so you know:

meritt said...
1) You can't come back and view the results without having to vote again. (Which skews the voting results really if you think about it).

2) I want to know how everyone voted! LOL. So you can see all our answers but I want to see too! ;)

Yankeebob said...
Meritt - 1. There is supposed to be a button for viewing results, but it never shows up. If you want to see the totals just vote for one and hit the vote button. You will see the totals and it will also tell you that you've already voted, so your subsequent votes won't count anyway. The site blocks out PC IDs that have already voted so you can only vote once.

2. I haven't found a way to see who voted which way. Unless someone tells me. All I can see are the totals. (I'd like to know too, but that wouldn't be fair.)

Monday, November 15, 2004

Earl The Pearl

Peachy and I just tried the new 'Fresh Cirtis Listerine Pocket Paks', the breath strips that melt in your mouth. We came to the same conclusion, they taste like Halls Mentho-Lyptus. Not the better choice of breath strips.

This made me think about a guy I worked with at my last job. He was an older man, easily pushing 70 years old. He was retired from the Navy and worked so he didn't get bored. An old Navy cook named Earl. Of course everyone called him Earl the Pearl. He really was a pretty good guy.

At least twice a week he would sidle up to me and lean over conspiratorially, reach into his lab coat pocket and pull out.... a Halls Mentho-Lyptus! He'd do it like an old Grandpa would do with a Grandchild, you know, sneak them candy when the parents weren't looking. That's how he meant it too. Like it was a treat. (He sucked on them all the time.) After a while, I had a labcoat pocket full of assorted Halls flavors. I never told him to stop though. I think it made him happy passing on his perceived goodies.

I remember one time old Earl and several of us were standing with his Supervisor working out plans to get through the latest crisis. We were right in the middle of his department where a flurry of activity was going on. He started to tell us his opinion about what he thought we should do when something came toppling out of his mouth and bounced several times on the floor. I immediately thought it was a Halls (what else) but it wasn't. Turned out to be one of his teeth just fell right out while he was talking. He looked down at it, looked back at us, picked it up and put it into his pocket and continued speaking right where he had left off. I was holding my breath, almost ready to explode, trying not to laugh.

Later he came over to my office and we both had a good laugh about it. Old Earl had a good sense of humor to go with his Halls breath.

I heard he passed away not too long ago. Too bad. He was a good guy. Sometimes the old timers are better to know than the not-so-old timers.

RIP Earl the Pearl.

New Poll

There is a new poll today. (Right sidebar of blog.) This ones a bit more personal. Be honest.

The old one ends tonight and will disappear, so those of you who haven't voted, it's your last chance.

Sunday, November 14, 2004

Who Names The Vehicles?

Who gets to pick the names for new vehicles? Maybe Beergirl can help us out a little with that question. Seems like she’s in marketing. But I think whoever is doing it has questionable qualifications.

For example, why name a mini-van Astro? To me, Astro is the Jetson’s dog. Kind of dopey and – a dog. I don’t want a vehicle that’s a dog.

And what’s a RAV 4? I remember in the 80’s when things were RAD. Maybe someone with a speech impediment said RAD, but the person writing it down heard RAV and it stuck.

Chevelle is a good one. What’s that, like a feminine Chevy? Can only women and feminine guys buy this one? Chevy has one called Nova too. Isn’t that a super explosion of some kind? I don’t want an explosive car.

Toyota has Corolla and Celica. Maybe these are a different language, but Celica sounds like a big bug and Corolla sounds like something you could be arrested for, like “Dude, c’rolla joint.”

Some of the names do make sense, like Caravan. Car & Van mixed. Give that person a bonus. And Maxima. Sounds like the maximum you can get for your bucks.

I love BMW, but the names should be embarrassing to them. Like the 325 I. I envision the Engineers talking: “OK Heinz, this is our 325th try at getting this right. Let’s make it count.” The I would stand for idea, I guess.

I’d like to name a few new vehicles. The first one would be called ‘ItDoesn’tSuck’. All one word. That gets the point across and face it, you would have to check out something called ItDoesn’tSuck. A mini-van called ‘The Grocery Getter’ would be pretty cool. How about a Mercedes called ‘Imasnob’. Or a Hyundai called ‘Poorguy’sJag.’ (They look like Jaguars anyway.) That works for me.

I don’t think I’m too far off base here. The names they use now just don’t make sense anyway. Let’s make them real.

Opening Day - 141 Days To Go

I've tried to be silent on this, trying not to blow off, but already I've reached the limit.

I am already sick of this off season. Why? Not just because I love Baseball so much. But because I can't wait to see the Yankees back in action and sticking the Red Sux shithead words right up their asses.

How much more BS will God's gift to Baseball Curtis A-Hole Schilling piss out? I'm not printing any of it here. I'm sick of it. Read up on the guy, don't take my word for it. He's a total asshole.

And kudos to the Boston franchise and the league for scheduling a championship ceremony complete with Series rings on opening day. Just so happens to be while the Yankees are there to watch. Pure class move, that's what that one is. All the many Yankees haters in the world are probably salivating at this prospect. Think back now, when have you seen the Yankee franchise act like that? I hear the silence.

Beware all youse bums out there celebrating. You got to remember what happened the last time the Yanks had something unexpected happen like this. That would be the playoffs in 1997. Remember what happened in 1998 as a result? Think hard.

I bummed this piece from Shannon:

From an article in the N.Y. Times,

"Rodriguez stayed at the Stadium until 3 a.m. after Game 7 of the A.L.C.S. Too angry to leave the scene of the disaster, he dragged a chair into the middle of the clubhouse and sipped a beer. Bernie Williams and Mike Mussina were with him.

For a while, they were numb, then aggravated, then ornery. Rodriguez said they spoke about how the Yankees could "never let this happen again."

I know they won't. Baseball fans probably have a good idea that they won't let it happen again. Yankee haters are afraid they won't let it happen again.

I know this much, if anyone has a say in it, it won't be the redneck jerkoffs from Boston. Not again.

It is far too long a wait until opening day.

Giant Cookies

I'm just sitting here munching a giant chocolate chip cookie and catching up with all the blog buds. This cookie is great. It's about 8" across and at least 1/2" thick. It's a leftover from a small gathering we had last night. It's kind of medium soft, not crunchy but not too chewey. Perfect. And I have several more leftover. This will be a good day!

Last night we had 2 other couples over for dinner and catching up. All friends for years. One of the guys is a friend I've known for about 18 years. Geez, where does the time go? Anyway, what's unique about he and his wife (one thing, I should say) is that they were married the same day Nicci and I were. We had a sunrise service in a park that was very high up and you could see for miles across the lower areas below. They came, we did the ceremony, had the catered breakfast, then we went to their wedding that afternoon. It was outside also and much bigger. It was quite a day. Then we all went to the same island for our honeymoon along with another couple that were close friends. It was a good week.

They ended up bringing their youngest child with them (about 6-7 years old?) and I was thinking about the day after she was born. I went in to see how everyone was and the nurses were taking Mom away for something as I was getting there, so I ended up sitting alone in the room with the new addition in my arms for about 30 minutes. (Dad had to go with her.) I was scared to death. This kid was less than 1 day old. I had held only one baby before this and it's just not my thing. They are so tiny and fragile and it freaks me out. But I remember that day and how much it didn't suck.

Now here she is, reading to me from "The Cat In The Hat", (Reading!) one of my personal faves, by the way. Weird. Seems like yesterday that we were stuck together by fate and abandoned by everyone else in that hospital room. Me forced to enjoy a moment that I desperately tried to avoid all my life. And I did enjoy it very much. What was I afraid of anyway? Maybe I'm getting old? Probably, but only physically.

I still aviod those situations, by the way. I like kids that call somewhere else home. I guess I've never wanted kids of my own. Too much responsibility for someone like me. I tend to be a bit egocentric too, so that wouldn't work. But I do love to visit with the kids. They like me because I'm not as serious as a lot of adults. Kids should be kids, no matter what the age. That's my motto.

There must be something in this cookie. This is not the direction I thought this post would go. Oh well, go where the wind blows, I guess.

Anyway, thanks to my good friends for another lesson learned. And thanks to little M for the wonderful memory. (Yeah, I know you didn't do anything but lay there. I still appreciate it though.)

And thanks to the giant cookie for being so good and not being the last one.

Saturday, November 13, 2004

Songs From The Heart

I noticed this morning that Nicci was walking around the house singing a song and she was singing the words wrong. We’ve all done that at least once in our lives, I’m sure. Sometimes it bugs me, but since Nicci is not from this country, she always gets a free pass.

This started me thinking (I wonder how many times I’ve written that phrase on this blog?) about how I sometimes change the words of a song just for fun. Sometimes I just start singing the wrong words and then I realize that I did and start laughing about it. There have been times where someone would see me start laughing for no apparent reason and I would be embarrassed. Oh well.

There are a few songs I repeatedly change the words to for specific reasons. Like when someone does something stupid and screws up at work. This usually means quite a bit of repeated work for a lot of people and definitely a loss of bucks for the company. At those times I start singing “Cheeseburger In Paradise” but not quite the same words. In my mind it goes: “Dick Cheeses & Parasites, can’t seem to get anything right, a smack in the head would be so nice for those Dick Cheeses & Parasites.”

Yeah, it’s no Grammy winner, but it makes me feel better.

Sometimes when a certain individual walks by at work (a secret crush), I hear the Theme from “Gilligan’s Island” in my head, but not the same words: “Just step right back and you’ll see a tail, like none you’ve seen before. She’s all sweet from head to feet and she’s coming through the door.”

Yeah, another show stopping tune. But it’s fun.

I know I’m not alone doing this. My partner at work does it all the time. Sometimes he gets me laughing really hard with his ‘altered renditions.’

I guess it’s kind of scary knowing what lurks in people’s minds sometimes. With this post and this one from a while back, I bet those whom I work with that read this blog will be watching me a bit closer from now on. Maybe I shouldn’t give up so many secrets.

Friday, November 12, 2004

Rules Of Attraction a La YB

My blogger friend Nina had this post yesterday about guys looking at women and deciding right away if they were sex material. Her questions caused me to start thinking about how people were initially attracted to each other and then later decide to get to know each other better. I started wondering what the ‘Rules Of Attraction’ were and came up with the obvious answer; the rules are different for everyone. I know, that was earth shattering, but it’s true. So now I’ve decided to try to determine what my personal rules are. (I hadn’t really thought about it too much before now.) I’m not talking about the initial sighting and thinking about a woman’s ‘attributes’ that appeal on first glance. Everyone has those reactions. I’m talking about what would cause me to want to know someone better than just a fleeting acknowledgement. So, without further ado, here are my personal ‘Rules Of Attraction”:

The first things I notice are a woman’s eyes. Not just how pretty they are but how expressive they are. How they react to different situations is always reflected in the eyes. Whether there is honesty there, true emotion or just a cold non-interested person wearing them. My Grandmother always said, “The truth is in the eyes”, and I believe her still. I knew a woman once, Kelly, who’s eyes were the most expressive imaginable. You could tell every reaction she was having by watching her eyes. She could give you a look and make you want to coddle her and protect her and keep her safe. She told me more than once how she had realized very young that certain expressions would get her to melt someone so easily and she could get them to do almost anything for her. This I believed having been sucked in by her. She turned out to be bad news, but I don’t regret knowing her.

Second is the smile. A warm, genuine smile really can suck me in. When a woman smiles and it lights up her whole face, with the little laugh crinkles at the corners of her eyes, I will make it a point to get to know her. Someone who smiles easily without forcing it is usually a warm, fun person to know. Laughter is the best medicine, they say, and I believe it. I once had a friend named Diane who had a ‘pretty smile’ but it got nowhere near reaching her eyes. She was a disciple of the ‘I, Me, My Generation’ and everything in her world revolved around her. If it didn’t, it was quickly disposed of. She was beautiful and had no shortage of guys, but none stayed with too long. They should have noticed the forced smile before getting sucked in by the sex. They would have been better off. Funny thing about D, she knew this about herself too. She just didn’t care.

Last rule for me is to watch the body language. If someone is interested, you can see it. Not just in their stance, but are they looking at you when they talk, are they fidgeting, that kind of stuff. I like the touchy/feely type. When they talk to you, they put their hand on your shoulder or something like that. Someone like that strikes me as more open than someone who is standoffish and too shy to get closer. This doesn’t mean that shy people suck or anything. I’m just writing down my personal preferences. I like an outgoing, open person who isn’t afraid of new experiences. I like adventures, so I prefer someone who does too. Their body language will give you clues as to what type of person they could be.

Well, there you have it, my personal Rules. For what it’s worth. That’s one of the things I like most about blog friends, they make you think about things you might normally never think about. I guess Nina sent me down this path inadvertently. It’s been fun.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

The Grocery Store

One wouldn't think a quick trip to the grocery store would be too interesting, but it can be. Tonight I went to get a few needed things (ice cream, badly needed) and the whole place was crawling with mini-shows. These are tonight’s highlights.

At the ice cream there was a woman who was opening up every door to look at each brand. Of course opening each door only fogged them up and no one could look through them, so everyone else had to open them too. She would pick up one, turn it around and around, squeeze it (?) and put it back. There was a small line there waiting for her to make a choice and get out of the way. Finally, she made a choice. None. As she was walking away, an older man in front of me turned around and rolled his eyes at me and started laughing. I laughed too. He was saying something about not believing that someone like that woman existed, yada, yada, yada... All I could do was laugh (he thought I was laughing with him) He had no front teeth and wasn't shy about it at all. Not just the top teeth but the bottom were also missing. It looked like the rest were there. I started thinking that he could put one of those tiny flashlights in his mouth, smile, and he would look just like a Jack-O-Lantern. That would be cool.

So I hurry to the checkout. I wanted to do the 'check out on your own' thing, but those lines there were amazingly long. Sorta defeats the purpose, so I chose the shortest line. Turns out the shortest line isn't always the best. There was only me, an older lady with the biggest diamonds on her fingers that I had ever seen in front of me and a young girl with a small child in front of her. Problem was the young girl was paying with WIC checks. The cashier would scan maybe 3 things, the girl would hand him the check, he would run it through the machine, sign it, give it back to her and she would sign it and give it back to him. They kept up this pattern for.....forever.

I attempted to leave for another line, but found myself trapped, so I just decided to wait it out. The whole checkout thing took at least 20 minutes.

During the WIC thing, the old lady in front of me was obviously annoyed. She was sighing so often I thought she would start hyperventilating. Then when she saw the checks, she started looking around and doing one of those harrumph sounds that people do when they feel put out by someone lesser than them. You know, the hand on the hip, nose in the air "Harrumph!" She seemed to be that type of person. I felt sorry for her. Judging someone you don't know is a sad way to live.

Finally I was through and started toward the door. A man and his son (I assume) walked out ahead of me. The son was gothed out. Dyed black hair, all black clothes including those huge bell-bottom jeans, spiked choker, silver spikes on his wrists and about a hundred piercings. As we headed toward the door, another man left a different line and headed out too. He was dressed in all camouflage, even a camo hat. When he saw Goth Boy, he stopped dead, put his hands on his hips and just stood there shaking his head. He started looking around like he wanted someone to join in with him in his disbelief that someone like that had invaded his perfect protected life. I just laughed at him as I went by, shaking my head. He started saying to someone behind me "Did you see that?” but I just kept going. I felt sorry for him too.

Can you believe the diversity to be found in just a short trip to the grocery store? I sometimes don't notice much of the things that are happening around me, but tonight I did. Some funny, some kinda sad. But at least it wasn't boring, and besides, I did get my ice cream.

Leaving Landmines

Ok, that was gross. I just walked down the main hall in front of our lab area and walked right into someone's floating leavings. Someone with a serious gas problem dropped a landmine in the hall and I managed to be the recipient of a snootful. I hate when that happens! It stunk up the whole area. Problem was, after I got through it and through the doors, I wondered if someone had seen me in that hall and thought I had done the deed. Sheesh!

Then when I returned to the hall going in the other direction, it was still there! Not near as potent, but still lingering. Weird! You would hope someone in that state would know to go outside or something before leaving bombs around.

I don't know what that person had in their intestines bubbling around, but they may need to see a doctor. Nothing that leaves a stink like that can be good for your insides.

Sorry to be gross. It was so amazing I had to share, just like the evil person who dropped the thing shared with me.

Bond, Yankee Bond

This morning I met up with all these idiots on the road:

The giant tanker truck driving very slow in the passing lane - What is their problem? No common courtesy whatsoever. He gets into the fast lane and slows down below the speed limit. Then he swerves suddenly into the right lane where cars are trying to pass his slow ass, and jumps onto an exit with barely enough room to make it.

The 'slam on the brakes when using the onramp' dork - Infuriating! The onramp is supposed to be the mechanism used for accelerating and blending into oncoming traffic. This dumbass gets near the merge area and nearly stops! I was waiting for the drivers behind me to start the chain reation of crashing into each other, beginning with me.

The redneck who's time is much more valuable than yours - This guy in his jacked up 3/4 ton pickup squeezes into areas where no person with any brains or respect for others would try. He comes from out of no where from the right lane and jumps in between me and the car in front of me with literally about 3" to spare between my bumper and his. I thought for sure he was going to hit me. Then he keeps doing the same move to others along the way. Didn't get him too far. I passed him when the highway opened up.

As I was watching these so called drivers, I started thinking how cool it would be to have one of those James Bond Austin Healey spy cars. When the idiots would get to me, I'd calmly flip open the super secret hidden cap on top of the gear shift, arm the onboard missiles and blast all the dopes in my way, putting their poor vehicles out of their misery, never to be driven by losers again. Then I would give them the suave half smile of super spy Yankee Bond as I drove past them and the wreckage of their abused, destroyed vehicles, laughing inside at their tear stained faces. Boy, that would be sweet!

Dream on, I guess. Later today I'll be seeing another set of morons who obviously didn't learn to drive in the same civilization that I did. Sigh.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

More Stuff I Just Don't Get.....

.....another addition to the ever growing list.....

- Super Pointy Women's Shoes

What is the deal with those super pointy high heeled shoes I see women wearing? To me, they are pretty goofy looking. They make a foot look like a foot and a half. Back in my old neighborhood, they used to say shoes like that were used for cornering bugs and killing them. They look like they would be hard to walk on, too. Sort of a lift at the end of every step, like a bird or something. I bet they would be great for self defense, though. Especially the ones with metal toes. That would hurt to be kicked with those.

- Political Debates

I kept hearing during the campaign season that the candidate's debates usually don't have any effect on the election. If that is so, why have them? They just interfere with other shows that people want to watch. And no matter what, afterward the talking heads side with their guy to say he won. Maybe they should just have the candidates duke it out instead. That I would watch. Actually I would pay to watch a good kick ass fight between 2 geeky presidential candidates. That would be something to see.

- Nicky Hilton, Todd Meister End Marriage

"It's splitsville in Sin City. Hotel heiress Nicky Hilton and New York businessman Todd Andrew Meister have officially ended their brief marriage.

A Las Vegas judge on Tuesday granted the newlyweds an annulment, according to a joint statement issued by the couple's representatives." (From MSN)

Why do these people even bother? They should just boink until they are tired of each other. That seems to be about the length of time they stay together. Then they could skip all the legal stuff.

- Why are gold & diamonds still so valuable?

These things are called 'precious' (like the one ring?) because of their rarity. They are awesome to look at, but rare? I wonder any more. We keep digging them up, refining and polishing them and then flooding the market with them. How can they still be so rare if production is ongoing? I though it was a supply and demand thing that made things valuable. Seems like the supply is pretty good.

- How did booze get invented?

I wonder who the first person was who thought up the idea? It's an awesome idea, but to intentionally ferment something so you can get a good buzz going, that takes some kind of planning. I bet there is some kind of scientific story behind the whole thing, but right now I prefer to wonder.

- Donald Trump doing CarFax ads

I know Donald Trump is a famous guy and that CarFax is very valuable to used car buyers but how can anyone take seriously the idea that 'The Donald' is looking to buy a used car? I seriously doubt that he ever needs to look at a CarFax report. The only fax he needs to see is the window sticker that tells him his New Car has all the options that can be lumped onto one vehicle. Now, when it comes to price, I bet he has his own idea about what a CarFax should say.

- The Over the Glasses Look

Why do people who wear glasses almost always look over top of their glasses to talk to you? You know, the way they keep their head down, but the glasses are low enough so that they just move their eyes up to see you. Or they keep the glasses toward the end of their nose and intentionally bend their neck to look over the frames.I thought they wore glasses so they could see better. Maybe they are annoyed and don't want to see the person they are talking to clearly? It's kind of an effective way to put someone on the defensive though. Sometimes I wish I had that option, but I am thankful that I don't need glasses.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004


I just got done watching a 2 hour ‘Behind The Music’ show on VH1 that showcases Aerosmith. Whenever there is something on about this band, I have to watch it. They are by far my absolute favorite Rock band. I have many favorite artists in many different genres of music, but none tops Aerosmith for the style they play. They are the best of their kind.

I can say with all honesty that they have done only one album (CD now) that I don’t like. (Rock And A Hard Place) I think that’s saying something for a band that’s been around for 35 years or so. There is some stuff I think is better than other stuff, but basically I like it all. (Yes, even Done With Mirrors.) I’m not a huge fan of the newer sappy songs, but I do think they are pretty good.

It’s awesome the way they fell into the Rock N Roll lifestyle, nearly killing themselves with all the bad stuff, but coming back even stronger.

I also have an even better appreciation of the song Walk This Way knowing that the lyrics were inspired by Marty Feldman playing Igor in Young Frankenstein. (When he turned to lead the group into the castle he said to them, “Walk this way”, and they all walked like him. Steve Tyler started writing the lyrics after seeing that scene.)

I remember seeing them live, I think it was the Pump tour, and they were phenomenal. One of the best shows I’ve been to.

There will never be another combo like Steven, Joe, Tom, Joey and Brad.

Aerosmith rocks!

New Blog Item

You'll notice on the right side of the blog a new item, a poll place. It will have a new question each week. Each question can only be voted on for 7 days. Could be kinda fun.

G And The Cream Cheese Revenge

One night I went to pick G up at his house for another night out. (What else?) When I got to his place, he was busy with wrapping blocks of cream cheese in baggies, getting then ready for transport. I asked what they were for, but all he would say was "You'll see." The familiar glint of evil was in his eye as he said that, so I knew tonight was going to be another unique evening.

As we headed out, with cream cheese blocks in the back seat, G explained to me that there were a few 'establishments' that had been pissing him off lately and he decided he needed to teach them a lesson. Hence the cheese. *I should mention that this happened in the middle of Winter and it was super friggin cold outside.

When we got to what turned out to be the first of 5 stops, G grabbed 4 blocks of cream cheese, handed 2 to me, stuffed 2 into his pockets and smiling cheesily, we went inside. After getting situated at the bar and starting on our brews, G took out the first block of cheese, unwrapped it, calmly walked along the wall behind the bar and quickly, with amazing speed, stuffed it into the heater. The heaters in this place were the kind suspended from the ceiling. They had piping going into the top which must have supplied the heat source and had a fan attached to the back of a big rectangular box. A perfect recepticle for a cream cheese bomb.

During the next hour, G managed to add cheese bombs to all 4 heaters in the 4 corners of the place without anyone but me noticing. Pretty slick. Once the mission was completed and the beers were done, we saddled up and headed out to the next place that had pissed G off. Along the way he explained that the cream cheese rots quickly, especially in a warmer environment, and that within a few days the whole place would smell so bad no one would be able to stand it. A diabolical plan, to be sure. But I'd come to expect no less.

The next place had a different heat system, but G managed to improvise well. It was an older building downtown with forced air and he had to take the grates off the wall to install the cream cheese bombs, but it wasn't a problem. (He had with him one of those Leatherman Tools.) One grate was in the restroom, the others were in the main room and took some stealth, but his determination paid off. Then we moved on.

This pattern continued until we had bombed all 5 places and had consumed mass quantities of beer. By the end of the mission, we were hammered and silly and G was thoroughly pleased with himself once again. We then went back to the original bar where the plan had started, walked in and immediately had to turn around and leave, laughing hysterically. The smell wasn't rude yet, but the odor of cream cheese was strong. I guess his plan of revenge was working.

I never went back to see if the stink got as bad as G said it would. He claimed he went to all 5 places and it was pretty rank. I believe he did. You know the old saying, the criminal always returns to the scene of the crime.

Just another episode in the life of G.

Monday, November 08, 2004

I'm A Lunatic

I found this quiz thanks to Beergirl.

I'm Caligula!
Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.

You are Gaius Caesar Germanicus - better known as Caligula!

Third Emperor of Rome and ruler of one of the most powerful empires of all time, your common name means "little boots". Although you only reigned for four years, brief even by Roman standards, you still managed to garner a reputation as a cruel, extravagant and downright insane despot. Your father died in suspicious circumstances, you were not the intended heir, and one of your first acts as Emperor was to force the suicide of your father-in-law. Your sister Drusilla died that same year; faced with allegations that your relationship with her had been incestuous, you responded, bafflingly, by declaring her a god.

You revived a number of unpopular traditions, including auctions of properties left over from public shows. When a senator fell asleep at one such auction, you took each of his nods as bids, selling him 13 gladiators for a vast sum. You attempted to have your horse, Incitatus, made into a consul and hence one of the most powerful figures in Rome. It was granted a marble stable with jewels and a staff of servants. At one point you forced your comrade Macro to kill himself - in much the same vein as your father-in-law - accusing him of being his wife's pimp. You, of course, were having an affair with said wife at the time.

Things went from bad to worse. When supplies of condemned men ran short in the circus, you had innocent spectators dragged into the arena with the lions to fill their place. You claimed mastery of the sea by walking across a three-mile bridge of boats in the Bay of Naples; kissed the necks of your lovers, whispering sweet nothings like "This lovely neck will be chopped as soon as I say so,"; dallied with your sister's lover and made her pull her unborn child out of her womb prematurely. Towards the end of your reign, you had a golden statue of yourself made and dressed each day in the same clothes you yourself wore. When you eventually died, the terrified people of Rome refused to believe that such a cruel reign could ever end, and believed you to be alive for years afterwards.

Gnats Are Infesting My World

Did you ever have one of those days when everyone that talks to you feels like a gnat in your face? I’m having one of those today. It started first thing this morning. People hanging around, blabbing on and on about their stuff that I’m just not ready to be bored with before coffee. It hasn’t stopped. Inane conversations, stupid stories, annoying dumb-ass jokes. I’ve got it all today! Sheesh! Terrible time to be sober!

Kinda makes me wonder about people who obviously can’t read body language. I’ve been told that I’m very demonstrative and without verbalizing anything you can see what I’m thinking. Well, that must not be apparent today! If they only knew.

Hopefully tomorrow won’t be so bad, but today, (almost) everyone is a gnat.

New Career Choices

On the way to work today we passed a van that had the name Karl Brew on it. It was a beer distributer truck. That's a cool name for a distributer. I started thinking about the names I've seen for different businesses. One was Karl Pile and he is a Septic Tank cleaner. (No, I didn't make that up.) Some others I've seen were Joe Diggs - a well digging company and Peter M. Schoen - a chiropractor (The name doesn't go with the occupation, but it's a funny one.)

I remember George on Seinfeld wanting to be a porn star. He said his name would be Buck Naked. Here are some names with occupations that I might choose:

Rock Hard - porn star
Art Masterson - famous artist
G. Clef - music composer
Rocky Starr - a rock star (Of course it is. I know, it's too obvious.)
Buck Shot - gun store owner
Marty Gras - party organizer
Read Newstand - newspaper guy
B.L. Schmidt - politician

I think being a porn star would be a tough job. Aside from the obvious hang-ups, what happens when you get older? I guess you change your name to C.I. Alis.

Saturday, November 06, 2004

Saturday Work Fun

So here I am at work for the second Saturday in a row. Finally taking a break, sucking down a Mountain Dew and an awesome Dolly Madison Cake. It's funny how a schedule affects your eating habits. I eat far more junk food at work than I ever do at home. Tonight I'm looking forward to tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. Yum! (One of my favorite meals, by the way. And I don't even like tomatoes.) That's healthier than this break junk anyway.

We have a guard here that lives with a phone in her ear. Last week my partner and I were in and we noticed the same guard was constantly on the phone. From the time we got in early in the morning until we left, she was on the phone. Even the couple of times we went through the lobby where the guard station is. We thought it was strange, but now it appears to be a regular thing with her. She has not put down the phone all day, except to make her rounds. I thought that would be the time she had to take a break from gabbing, but alas, I was mistaken. While she makes rounds, she switches to her cell phone and talks with ear-pieces in her ears. I find this weird. Who can you be talking with all day? I would hope it's more than one person. If not, there are two phone junkies in the area. That would be even weirder.

It's nice being here alone. (Except for Gabby Hayes) I've gotten much more accomplished today than I normally would. I wonder if I could switch to all weekend work? I could do 40 hours on the weekend. Then no one would bug me and I could get much more done. The boss wouldn't go for that, I'm sure. Our group interacts with all the other groups, so that part would be missed. Oh well.

Well, no more time for blog fun. Time for the worst part, the paperwork. It's always the most tedious, boring, annoying part. But as the old saying goes, if it wasn't documented, it never happened. For today, just call me Joe Document.

Friday, November 05, 2004

Baseball Notes

Willie Randolf is going to manage the Mets. It's about time he gets a shot at Manager, but I sure will miss him. He's been one of my heroes since I was in Jr. High. Good luck Willie. Now at least I can watch a National League team with a little interest. Let's hope for Joe Girardi as a bench coach. He'd be my personal first choice. (But I'm not George, I know.)

Speaking of National League, what kind of name is 'The Washington Nationals'? The people in charge of getting the Expos to move to D.C. had quite a lot of time to think of a cool name and the 'Nationals' is all they could come up with? Lame.

Mel Stottlemyre is probably going to retire. I like Mel, but I really don't think this will hurt the Yanks. They have plenty of options there.They will probably promote Neil Allen from the minors. From what I've read, he's more than capable.

I keep hearing (reading) rumors about the Yankees maybe trading Jorge Posada. Sometimes for Randy Johnson, sometimes for Tim Hudson. First, Jorge is a valuable part of the Yanks pitching staff and I doubt they will part with him. He handles the pitchers very well. That in itself makes him valuable. He's also a switch hitter with power from both sides. Too valuable. I think they do need to rest him more during the regular season. He was obviously worn down during the post season.

The trade for Johnson would be insane. He is a great pitcher, but he's already 41 years old. He'll be done very soon. His stuff could disappear this year. I don't see this happening. I also don't see the A's giving up Hudson. He's just too good. They especially won't do it for just a catcher, so it would probably end up to be too expensive for New York.

Hmm... I just looked in on My Yankee bud Shannon. She has a post along these same lines. What can I say, great Yankee minds think alike. She makes a great point about maybe shipping Giambi back to Oakland in some kind of deal for Hudson, maybe Vasquez involved? Not bad. The Yankees aren't hurting for offense. They made out just fine without Giambi this whole year. Besides, that would give George and Cashman more incentive for bringing back Tino. That would be sweet! Good call Shannon.

Congratulations to Derek on his first Gold Glove award. Weird to think it's only his first. That seems wrong somehow.

Also congrats to Shef on the Silver Slugger award. He sure earned his stripes this year!

Well, I'm just wasting time writing as I think. I guess I should get going, to do something, whatever.

How long till opening day?

Thursday, November 04, 2004

Bye Bye Bobby

So now Robert Redford is saying he's leaving the country. He'll move to Ireland to get away from George Bush. I've been hearing stories like this a lot lately. The problem I have with it is simple, this is the greatest country in the world and people want to leave because the majority of voters did their duty and voted. Pay attention now, we have the right to decide who our leader is. The system is set up where the majority rules, and most times it does. The majority chose. Whether you think it was a good choice or not, you are still American.

Now some people are going to be bummed if their idea of a good candidate loses. Some will be happy if their guy wins. After all is said and done, we still live in the greatest country in the world where we can have our voice heard. Many others don't have that ability. But they want to leave and go somewhere they will have no say at all. Real smart.

To me, leaving because you don't agree with the majority vote is like abandoning your mother because she corrected you for something. It's a curious reaction and I can't understand it. The truth is most of the crybabies that are leaving (probably all talk) agreed with most of us that voted, this was a 'lesser of 2 evils election' again. That's the true problem with the whole system. We have to choose between 2 people that, given another alternative selection, would probably lose in a landslide.

If you don't like the system, stay and help fix it. We need more than just 2 parties to choose from. Otherwise, half the country will be moving back and forth between home and another country every 4 years. And who says the new place wants quitters to move in anyway? That's not too good on your resume: He was active in the electoral process, but when his guy lost he left the country crying like a baby. Sheesh!

I say to Boo Hoo Bobby, Go! Go quick and don't come back. Quitters suck. Cry babies suck. I'm not enthralled with the end result either, but at least I know that this is still the right place for me. (And pick somewhere else to go. I happen to love Ireland and you shouldn't be allowed to stink up the place.)

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

My First Election Night Party

So I’ve noticed that most of my blogging buds have given some account of their voting day. I guess I’ll do the same.

The voting part went so easy it almost felt anti-climactic. I left work early to get to the polls due to the reports of long lines, and just because it was a good reason to leave a little early. When I got to my polling place, there was no wait. I went in, got my card, went to the touch-screen machine and was back out in maybe 3 minutes. No fuss, no muss. Pretty boring account, eh?

The fun was after. I was invited to go to the Mayor’s Election Watch party at her restaurant downtown. It was to start immediately after the polls closed. Now, I’ve never been to a gathering of actual party officials who were really into what was happening with the election returns, so I decided I needed to check it out. The Mayor is a devoted Democrat and she thought it would be interesting for me to show up, mostly because we’ve had a running dialog for approximately 2 months on who should be elected President. I had been struggling with the decision and she had been trying to persuade me to her view.

So just because I wanted to experience something new I decided I had to go. And just because I’m me, I got a Bush/Cheney sticker for my chest and headed down to the restaurant. Once I arrived, I had a moment of second guessing my decision to have the GOP advertisement on my chest. The place was jammed and there was only me and one other person that had braved to be opposite. Turns out the Republican poll watchers were all gathered elsewhere. (Nah, elections don’t divide the people.) But the moment was gone quickly and replaced with my usual calm, make waves persona taking over.

I went in and went straight to the bar, where the crowd was heaviest. I got a Coke and started finding conversations. The Mayor came over for a few minutes to say hi, but that was pretty much all the time we had to talk. She was so busy with restaurant operations, making announcements as returns came in and just generally floating through the crowd, I’m sure she’s pretty worn out still. She did raise her eyebrows at the Bush sticker, but never asked whom I decided to vote for. I’m sure that will come soon enough.

To make a long story short(er), it was quite the experience. Having the GOP sticker made me a target for lots of conversation and some needling. I met many good people, was even more impressed with our Mayor, and got a newfound respect for the politically motivated. I was even asked to help with the Mayor’s re-election campaign coming up next year. That should be interesting.

There was one exception to the pleasant evening though. (Isn’t there always?) A seriously belligerent Bush hater came up to the guy I was talking with, (the other guy with GOP stuff on) and started yelling in his face about how he was a hater. How he was involved with keeping the black man from voting and keeping the minorities away from the polls. He was freaking out about how anyone like him would kill babies (?) just to force their way on someone. He went off! It was weird because after he was gone I asked the guy if he knew him but he said he’d never seen him before. Turns out the Bush guy is a big part of the Mayor’s campaign staff. He strongly supports her and she is a Democrat. He's registered Independent. The freaky guy just assumed that his target was a hard core conservative, but he couldn’t have been more wrong. That was kind of a downer because I believe generalizing is wrong. We all do it sometimes, but mostly I try not to. Assuming you know someone's insides by their outside is just stupid. After all the decent conversations and sharing of viewpoints, he shows up and brings the immediate crowd conversation to a stop. Bummer.

All in all, it was an interesting day. I guess I’ll keep on checking out the local political scene. So far, it’s keeping my attention.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

G’s Friend, The Pickle Incident and the Ice Queen

One night I went and picked up G at his house. He had a friend with him that night. I don’t remember his name. What I do remember is that he was a spaz. I asked him within the first 5 minutes of our meeting if he was on speed or something. The guy was wired.

We went to a local bar to get a few brews and this guy started freaking me out right away. He couldn’t sit down for even a few minutes. Worse yet, he was going to every woman in the place hitting on them. Even the women that had men with them. I remember thinking that if he gets his ass kicked, it would serve him right.

During one of his short stints at the bar with us, he noticed one of those giant pickle jars sitting in the middle of the bar. The pickles were those huge kind, about 6-8” long. So naturally this guy decides he has to have one. The bartender gets him one and he sits there with it on a plate just playing with it, making stupid jokes.

Then the bartender asks us to let her know if anyone needs anything because she was going to go and clean some tables in the area behind us. We were OK with that. While she was busy, Spaz takes a big bite out of the center of the big pickle and quickly puts it back into the jar with the bite facing out. Anyone looking at the giant pickle jar would easily see this pickle with a big bite out of it right in the center. He did it so quickly, we had no time to react.

At first it was kind of funny, but suddenly we realized that the bartender would be heading our way any second and she could not miss the pickle, so we chugged our beers and left.

We went to another place that G and I frequented and I sat at the bar with a friend I saw there. She was playing cards with several others. Some kind of gambling game for $5.00 a hand. One of the players turned out to be the bartender/bar owner. She was a very nice person, maybe 50 years old or so, and we were having a good time (especially since I started winning a lot) until Spaz came up to get a new beer. When he found out that she was the owner, he looked her right in the eye and said “If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?” To her credit, she never even blinked, just looked him right back and flatly said, “No.”

When he walked away, she started laughing about the idiot and his stupid, lame country music pick up line. I was relieved that she had a good sense of humor. The good humor didn’t last long.

Soon she leaned into me and said that Spaz was starting to get to be too big of a nuisance and she was going to ask him to leave if he didn’t let the women in the place alone. Turns out he was harassing the women here just like the other place we had been. As I turned around to see what he was doing, I started to chuckle. He was standing next to a table with 4 women, talking/drooling over one that I knew fairly well. Her name was Sean and she was known to some as “The Ice Queen.” A colorful name she earned by the way she always managed to put down would be suitors without even saying much at all. A cold look from her and you knew she wasn’t one to mess with. She was quite attractive, long auburn hair with pale blue eyes. The kind of eyes that, when she looked at you, it seemed like she was looking right through you. She had already given him that look a few times and he wasn’t giving up.

The owner started to go toward the table then, but I stopped her. I told her to wait and see what would happen. I knew it wouldn’t take long for Sean to blow off Spaz and I wanted to see how she did it.

Spaz wasn’t giving up and now he reached out his hand, apparently trying to get her onto the dance floor. She slowly looked from his hand to his eyes and stood up, smiling a half smile. She took his hand, walked a few steps toward the dance floor, turned slowly to face him and the stupid grin he was wearing, pulled back her foot and proceeded to kick him as hard in the nuts as she could. So hard that his feet left the floor by about a foot.

The place went crazy. Everyone cheering and laughing. I looked for G and saw him lying on the floor near the fireplace laughing hysterically. I guess pretty much everyone had had enough of a-hole Spaz and there weren’t any sympathizers. Owner Lady, after recovering herself, asked me if I would now get him out of there. I got G and we went and picked his friend up, one on each arm. As we walked by Sean at her table, where she was once again peacefully sipping her wine, she laid her hand on my arm and quietly asked, “Friend of yours?” I laughed and told her no, I was just the taxi. She said “Good. Get rid of him and come back. I need a taxi myself.”

Needless to say, I hurried G and his buddy to his house and returned, but that’s a story for another time.


I did this vote thing on Yankees.com and couldn't believe what the results are so far:

Which free agent pitcher would you most like to see in pinstripes?

Matt Clement
6221 votes (11%)
Derek Lowe
6816 votes (13%)
Pedro Martinez
16756 votes (31%)
Eric Milton
7449 votes (14%)
Carl Pavano
17275 votes (32%)

54517 people have voted so far.

What is wrong with the 31% so far that have voted for Princess Pedro? Do they have such short memories?

Pedro has maybe 2-3 years left in him. The Yankees have an excellent record against him. He is a jerk that has beaned many Yankees out of frustration because they routinely best him. Why would anyone want him in pinstripes? He's no threat and his career won't last too much longer.

I sometimes think that some 'fans' are just too stupid to be Yankee fans. The thought of Pedro as a Yankee gives me the heaves.

Monday, November 01, 2004

“Have You Really Lived?…The Yankee Fan Edition.”

“Have You Really Lived?…The Yankee Fan Edition.” Via Cap’n Karen
(KB’s answers in italics. Mine in bold letters.)


Remember what it was REALLY like to have a bad pitching staff.
All too much. Steve Farr, John Habian, Scott Sanderson…shudder….
Other than Louisana Lightnin' Ron Guidry, how about most of the 80's?

Have done something completely bizarre, like wear a bag on your head in the hopes of spurring on a rally.
I just outted myself here as a freak, haven’t I?
Let’s see, how many things can I list and not run out of blog space…..?

Witnessed a Yankee game in person.
The coolest way to watch a game, of course.
Only once. (heavy sigh.) This is a temporary situation. I’m going for sure next year.

Witnessed a Yankee game in person in the following locations:
Tier -- check
Loge -- check
Main – check Main reserved
Bleachers -- check
Steinbrenner’s box In my dreams many times

Been to Monument Park
On several occasions.
Once. It was like a religious experience.

Been to the Yogi Berra Museum
Not yet.

Traveled to where the Yanks are playing to see them.
Uncountable times. Mainly Camden Yards.

Kept score at a game.
I have but it can sometimes be distracting. Keeping a journal is much easier.
Nah. It is too distracting. I’m too into the game.

Stayed home just to watch a YES Network presentation (non-Yankee game)
The first time Tales of Triumph: The 2003 ALCS was on.
Unfortunately, I don’t have YES. If I did, I might not leave the house very often.

Spent an entire day watching back-to-back Yankeeographies.
I’ve sat and watched the videos from the 1977 & 1978 series. Then the 1996 series and the 1998 ‘Season of Their Lives’ video back to back to back…..

Sung along to New York, New York after a game.
The Sinatra version, yes. The Liza version, I’m too busy biting my fist from frustration at having to hear it.
Absolutely. I sang it all day long after the 2003 ALCS ended. I don’t listen to the Liza version. By that time, I’ve turned off the TV.

Heard New York, New York at like a wedding or some other DJ’d affair and the first thing that comes to mind is “Ooh, Yankees!”
And I’ve actually been places where other Yankee fans blurt this out before me. I hang out with some good people, I tell you.
Yes. And I need friends like Karen.

Sent your favorite player a fan letter… Nope.

…And actually gotten a response. Nope.

Met a Yankee. I wish.

Hung out with a Yankee. I really, really wish.

Been dead tired, but on cloud nine because the Yankees did something good the night before.
Ah, yes. Many a time.
Unlike many other teams, The Yankees provide for many an opportunity.

Watched Old Timer’s Day and have been majorly freaked out to find a player you grew up watching is now considered an “Old Timer.”
Kevin Maas this year. That was rough.
The first time I saw Bucky Dent.

Been outside of New York and cheered the Yankees in public.
Yes, in Delaware
Loudly in Baltimore.

Been in Boston and cheered the Yankees in public.
I’ve only been to Boston once, but it was in winter. I will probably kill myself before I ever have to go back.
I’ve never been there, but I agree with KB’s opinion about going.

Bought a friend or family member’s child Yankee merchandise in the hopes of converting them.
Yep. My best friends first nephew. They threw the stuff away.

Named your pet after a Yankee.
My Cockateil is named Pauley, after Paul O’Neill. Had a Budgie named Jeter.

Gave serious thought to naming your kid after a Yankee.
Don’t have kids. Don’t want any. But if I did, I would try, depending on the Mother. (How about 7 as a name?)

Actually named your kid after a Yankee. See above.

You are named after a Yankee. No, but my nickname on the softball team was Jeter. (Nope, I’m no where near that good.)

Thought of moving somewhere outside NYC, but only if you could get Yankee games there via satellite.
No, but dealt with barely any coverage in Delaware, which was four years too many.
Never lived there.

Ditched work or school to catch a game.
Yes, but I’ve never lied about it. I was out sick for the Yanks home opener in 2003, but I was all feverish on my couch, not at the game like everyone probably thought.
A few times. Actually more than a few. OK, I lost count.

Wished someone a Happy Opening Day, Happy All-Star Break or Happy Playoffs.
Yes, and I bake cupcakes for Opening Day and cookies for the All-Star Break as well.
Yes. But I don’t bake. I have bought rounds of beers for those occasions though.

Defended the Yankees to a blowhard who hates them.
You all read this blog. You know what I’m capable of.

Watched a Yankee game muted or in Spanish just so you don’t have to hear annoying announcers.
Any time a Fox game is on, and sometimes use the iPod if YES announcers are bothering me.
Like KB, anytime the boys are on FOX. Also, most times when they are on the O’s network and blowhard Jim Palmer is the announcer.

Called up a sports talk radio station to discuss the Yankees. Nope.

Had a letter you wrote about the Yanks published in magazine/newspaper. Nope.

Can name all the years the Yankees have won a championship title. Almost had it. Damn.

Can name all the Yankee retired numbers.

Have cried over the Yankees.
I plead the Fifth.
Did you see Game 7 of the 2001 WS?

Have gotten in a huge fight over the Yankees.
No, but I’ve been extremely peeved over things other people have said to my face.
Absolutely. In Camden Yards. Lucky for me it didn't get too physical.

Not paid attention to something someone was saying because a game was on.
For the most part, people know better than to talk to me during big games, and I know to do the same for my other sports fan friends. However, there have been occasions when I’ve…been a little distracted….
If the Yankees are on, there is no way to get my attention. Many have tried, all have failed.

Subscribed to Yankees Magazine.
Used to, but not anymore.
Same as KB.

Get at least one Yankee-related item as a gift at the holidays or on your birthday.
Moreso in Championship years when Yankee merchandise is all over the place.
Usually at least one of the holidays.

Ordered something from the Franklin Mint that was Yankee related. Nope.

Watched the late edition of Sports Center two times in a row or more to see Yankee highlights.
Yes, the Aaron Boone game. Luckily, I had off from work the next day.
Always. Even the morning editions.

Have a pre-game routine.
At games, yes. Not so much when I’m watching on TV.
Yep. One would think I was a player.

Feel torn when a former Yankee you loved is playing them on a new team.
Yes. Sigh.

Belong to a Yankee message board. Nope.

Caught a foul ball at a Yankee game. Not yet. I still hope.

Broken up with someone for being a fan of a rival team.
No, but this probably should’ve been the reason…
No, but if they were a certain team’s fan (rhymes with dead sox) they wouldn’t get far with me.

Not dated someone for being a fan of a rival team. See above.

Converted a significant other into a Yankee fan.
No, but I just realized I’ve only ever dated one guy who was a Yankee fan. The rest? Not so much. That’s so not right.

Made a sign to take to a game. Nope.

Save newspapers from big games.
Yes, and I have a bin for them at my parents’ house that’s almost too full.
Rarely, but yes.

Can pick a front-runner Yankee fan out from a mile away.
I’m pretty good at this. But mostly after conversing with said “fan” for a few minutes.
It’s not too hard for a real Yankee.

Have made friends after bonding over the Yankees.
Man, I have several of those!