Tuesday, January 31, 2006

I Feel A Tear Coming On...

I just saw “Cousins” for the 12th or 20th time. I’m not really sure how many. If you haven’t seen it, I pity you. It’s a great flick.

Even though I have a heart of coal, I do have my softer moments. Mostly I prefer to keep them buried. But for today, I allowed some sweetness to creep in.

Sorry if I disappointed anyone.

Who Invented That Stuff Anyway?

Today is a day for a new adventure. I get to go and get a cap on a tooth today. Isn't everyone happy for me? Thanks.

I've never had one before so it will be a new experience. Is it a cap or a crown? I don't know. I hope it's a crown. Then I could be King!

You know what I realized this morning? That I will be happy once there is no more orange juice in my house. When there is none and no more comes into the house, life will be good. I can't stand the stuff and I'm not sure why anyone likes it.

That will make me happy. At least I have a goal in life now, right?

Cool. Wish me luck.

Monday, January 30, 2006

My Friend Peachy

Peachy will drive her motorcycle thousands of miles across the country, she will go out on the town alone, she will meet and greet any stranger in almost any situation and she will tell you to your face exactly what she is thinking, good or bad, any given time or place. But do you know what she won’t do? She won’t go near a book with a dead bee squashed in it. One that may have been squashed in there and left to dry up longer then we have been working here.

Don’t even ask about the dead cicada.

That’s my friend Peachy. :)

YB's Screwey World

My world is getting weirder than I ever could have imagined. I have been doing things I swore I would never let myself sink to doing. Ever. I promised myself early in life that it wouldn't happen. Now it's here and somehow I didn't even notice it coming on.

I have been domesticated.

Yeah yeah, I know I've mentioned many domestic type things I've been up to in recent years. I'm even pretty good at some of them, like home improvement stuff. But with every thing I do, I do tend to fight against the tide. Just ask Nicci. ;)

Here's the latest head-trip. On Saturday Nicci and I escorted her son and his girlfriend to a fancy restaurant and then to a movie. It was the girlfriend's sweet 16th birthday and the boy sure did spoil her. We got dressed in the appropriate attire (read: annoying fancy clothes) and picked her up at her house. Naturally we couldn't leave right away. We had to get out of the car and talk to the other parents for a while. Then they had to take pictures. Lots of pictures. I can understand that though. A girl's sweet sixteenth only happens once.

We went ahead to the restaurant where we had pre-arranged for separate tables in separate rooms. Nicci didn't want to interfere with the 2 sweethearts. But of course, she managed to get a table within discreet viewing distance of them. :)

I couldn't complain about the restaurant. It was awesome. Then we left and went to the theatre where we again separated and saw different movies. For the record; do not go to see The Matador. It really isn't very good. I love Pierce Brosnan, but this isn't one of his best. Afterward we took the girl home and tried our best not to watch him kiss her goodnight. At least I didn't want to see that.

The ride home was 'recap of the evening' time. That in itself was annoying, but I survived. The whole thing is a bit surreal for me now. I just can't believe I was there. It just does not seem possible that I was the one in that whole scene.

Here's some insight into my psyche. I never wanted to own a house; it's too permanent. I never wanted to be married; it's too restricting. I never wanted kids; too much responsibility. I never wanted to be in a situation where I felt like a typical American married person. I never respected that type of lifestyle. I always swore that I would keep myself in a position in life where I could just pick up and take off at a moments notice. Now look at me. I blew it.

I've been domesticated.

I sometimes don't let it bother me. But I sometimes feel it so strongly that I want to scream. Sometimes I scream. Usually I just try to roll with it all. Mostly I think I'm giving up and succumbing to the inevitable. I'm "feeling the effects of mortal souls", so to speak. I think I might be the type to have one or two or more mid-life crises. I can see how that happens now.

I sure do wish I could manage to find a place where I am comfortable all the time. I constantly feel like I live between worlds. One that I wanted and one that I am actually in. How do people get comfortable with their lives? I sure don’t know how to. Any advice out there?

Sunday, January 29, 2006


You know what I hate? I hate the reminders.

I know it wasn’t real... not for her at least... but it still felt real.

To me.

I really do hate the reminders.

BS Friday (Saturday) Answer

OK, here is the answer to the BS Friday post. It was totally true. Most everyone guesse false. Only Summer and Madley guesse right.

I was very much into Tennis back then. Still am but now it's kinda hard to find partners. There is a new place nearby for indoor Tennis and I am going to check it out. I'd like to play again.

I started playing when I was maybe 10 years old. I played all the way through high school on the team and then at local parks after school. They held tournaments in the parks all the time. There was also a Tennis Association in town. About 20-25 people belonged and someone from the group would be at the park every weekend and most evenings ready to go.

My friend was an amazing athlete. She is still around somewhere. I haven't run into her since I moved back but I wouldn't mind catching up with her to see how she's doing.

Summer: "I say true.
She sounds like your kind of girl, YB...giving it back to you just as hard as you give it to her."

I liked how Summer described her way of deciding if the story was true or not.

Madley:" True... I sure believe you can be that obsessed!"
Madley believes I can be obsessed at times. That is so true. How did you figure it out?

Jen: "Everyone else said true, so I say BS."
Jen, Jen, Jen... taking to opposite just because... good plan but it didn't work out this time.

Jody: "I am just having trouble believing that you were in to tennis. So I'll say BS."
Jody, how come you can't see me playing Tennis? Am I too cool for the game? (I hope that's what you are thinking. ;))

Awna: "BS. I don't know why."
Awna, an honest answer, I guess. Just a feeling?

Peachy: "I'll say BS. That's a lot of tennis."
Peachy knows my current physical condition so I'm sure that influenced her choice. That much activity right now would kill me.

S!: " i know you are into tennis.. and i know some girls can be ultra-competitive that way.. but i think this is BS."
S!, I'm not sure how you talked yourself out of the right answer this time.

Thanks once again to everyone for playing.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Welcome To BS Friday (On Saturday)

Welcome once again to BS Friday, one day late. You know the drill; I’ll write it and you tell me if it’s true or just plain old BS. This weeks post is called: Tennis Is Not For Wimps.

I once had a friend who, yes, was a girl, but not necessarily a girlfriend. We did a lot of stuff together off and on for about 2 years but we never decided we were in a relationship.

Anyway, she was pretty cool to hang with. In those days I was into Tennis. Really into it. I would play every day given the chance. She liked Tennis but was more into Basketball. She got a full scholarship to college via Basketball. She was good. I once was practicing with her and she made 57 shots in a row without missing. All outside the key and all in locations where I just threw the ball back to her. No rhythm, no planned spot, no chance for her to get set and shoot. She missed the one and then went on another streak of over 30 without a miss.

One Sunday afternoon she, her sister and I headed to the park to hit some tennis balls around. We got there about 11:30, just before the Little League games started. It was a warm day, maybe 85 degrees. We started just hitting around for a while and then after we warmed up, we started playing real points. At this time I was a pretty good tennis player. I played for the school and played around with local clubs and their tournaments after school. She was a natural athlete and it all just came to her easily. The thing was we were both very competitive so when it came to winning points, we went all out.

Not long into it we decided to play a set. No problem. I ended up winning that first set fairly easily. Naturally she didn’t like that so we played a second set. I won it but not so easily. This annoyed her so we played another. The third set she won. Of course, her thinking was that I had to give her a shot at getting even. I did and she won the next set giving us 2 apiece. Now we had to play a tiebreaker. We did and I won. So next we had to play so she could try to get even again, which she did by winning the next set. Can you see where this is going? Yep, it sure did.

We lost count after a while. We just kept track of who was up on whom and who needed to get even. We kept on playing even though her sister got tired and walked home. Even though 2 Little League games had been played. We took short breaks, just long enough to get a short breather and change sides on the court. Eventually her sister came back and brought us some water. But we kept on playing, each trying hard to get the best of the other.

By the time we were even again, I looked up and saw that the sun was getting low on the horizon. I checked with her sister and found out it was 5:30. We had been going at it for 6 freakin hours! I was ready to quit and call it even but she would have none of that. We had to play one more to break the tie. Then she started asking me if I was a wimp or something. She was saying “C’mon wimpy wimpy. C’mon little chicken boy.” That did it. We played one more.

It took a while to get through it. I was way behind but got a second wind and caught up. But in the end she came through and won the set. We walked to the net and I just looked at her kinda sideways, waiting for her to start gloating. She said nothing. I then casually mentioned that maybe she should give me the chance to get even again. I thought she would finally wimp out but she didn’t. She just said, “Let’s go. I’m ready!” To which I replied, “Forget it. I’ve had enough. I wasn’t serious.” When I said that she slowly sat down and then lay back on the court. She started laughing and said, “Thank God! I didn’t think I could take much more.”

Even in quitting she had to beat me.

Friday, January 27, 2006

A New Quiz And Stuff

For those of you who are wondering where the BS Friday post is, I haven't done it yet. But I will. I will do it in the morning. I have been so busy at work that I just couldn't get to blogging. Stupid work!

Tonight I had another bout with foot in mouth disease. When I got home I noticed the crazy, mean old lady next door was outside with her crazy, mean old dog again. I can't stand that dog (you decide which being I am referring to there) and I sure as hell didn't feel like listening to it yapping. So I parked the Jeep and got out, trying to be nonchalant and all but when I headed up the driveway that dog started barking at me. It is quite the annoying bark too.

Without thinking I blurted out, "Shut the hell up you stupid dog!" The look on the old ladies face was awesome! She was shocked. Then she started stammering on and on about how he was just protecting her and how he is afraid that someone will come after her blah blah blah blah blah. I just kept walking while holding my breath. I thought I would bust out laughing right in her face. I really didn't mean to say anything. You can be sure she's yapping to the neighborhood about how I'm mean to her and her ugly, disgusting dog.

It was fun!

Now it's time for a new Quiz. Once again El Sid comes through with a cool quiz. Thanks Sid.

I'll leave you with this and say goodnight. Until the morning then.....

Congradulations! You are Heart Ache. Trapped in

the chest of torn lovers, you make the

stomache turn and the blood boil. The color

of red and green, envyous rage that infects

your victims. Every sight, every smell, every

touch, every memory becomes infested with

black love. Although you heal with time, you

always come back for seconds, sometimes

thirds. The heart is always served best in

small pieces...

brought to you by Quizilla

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Are Twinkies Cool?

It has been quite the busy day for me. I had no blog time at all. Funny how that feels so wrong even when I am supposed to be working. Maybe I should feel a little guilty blogging at work and all? Yeah, I should. I'll try someday soon. :)

I'm not sure why this month has been so hectic either. I thought it should be a breeze but it hasn't. I may even have to go in over the weekend for a few hours. Talk about a sucky idea! Blah!

Here's something I found funny (you may not); when I was in the GM's office I noticed a new picture on her desk. I mentioned it and she gave it to me to check out. It was a picture of her, her husband and their 2 kids at the beach. It was obviously professionally done. They were posed like they were at the J.C. Penney's photo shop or something. She and her husband were sitting on a sand dune back to back. The 2 boys were sitting back to back right in front of them. The dune was a nice background as it rose above them and the sky was just peeking out at the top. Pretty picture.

What I thought was funny was that they all had the same clothes on. They all had khaki shorts, white polo shirts and white shoes on. They were dressed identically. When I noticed that I blurted out, "Hey, you guys were twinkies!" Yes, I did blurt that out.

Luckily it's a small company and the GM and I are friends. She just started laughing and said "Oh yeah, and it wasn't that easy to get them to do it either!"

I'm just wondering, is that something families do? Get dressed alike and get pictures taken. Maybe my family wasn't hip or whatever because we never did that. It does make for a really cool looking picture but I have to say, I've never seen that before. Even when someone has twins dressed up for pics they don't dress like the kids. I found it a bit perplexing, but amusing at the same time.

Ok, that's it for me. I recorded Bones ( remember David Yummypants?) last night and I am going to check it out now. If you haven't seen Bones, I suggest you check it out. It's great.

Hasta la bye bye!

Busy Morning

I am really busy this morning and I can't do a proper post. So I thought I would leave you with this sexy pic to tide you over until I can come back.

We all know that sexy pictures are the best thing for a dull day, right? ;)

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

My New Advocate Group

I was checking out this article this morning about how American Idol is getting to be too mean to the contestants. My first reaction was that someone missed the first 4 seasons or something. When hasn't AI been mean to the contestants? Or more specifically, when hasn't Simon been mean?

The thing is, most of the people watching the show in the early weeks only watch to see the bad performers anyway. They watch to see how the judges will react to them. It is refreshing to see them appreciate a good performance but let's be honest; the first few weeks are all about the untalented performers getting rudely bounced off the stage.

What I found interesting in this article also is that there are now a couple of cry-baby groups jumping into the picture. It was bound to happen. The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation and the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance have shown up to complain about some of the stuff the judges do. I guess it was inevitable.

I personally don't have anything against groups trying to protect their own. What I am surprised about is that these groups even exist. The Gay one probably is better known to some people but the Fat Acceptance one probably isn't. I have heard that the gay and lesbian community totals about 1% of our population. If that is so, then how come everything you see now has some kind of gay rights, gay twist attached to it? TV shows, HBO shows, marches & new laws being shoved down our throats are common. Even that new movie about gay cowboys is winning awards when no one is going to the theatre to see it. I think it's all about being politically correct.

But The National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance? Where did this one come from? Their site says they have been around since 1969. There are many more fat people than gay & lesbian people, I'm sure. Plus there are probably some fat gay and lesbians. How come we haven't heard from them before this? Maybe I just never noticed.

It just seems to me that there is a group for anything and everything these days. I think maybe it's another result of all the frivolous class action lawsuits that our screwy courts give credence to. Seems like you could pick just about any issue, make up a fancy name, find a lawyer to file some papers and there you go... another advocate group for some poor oppressed people out there.

What a weird society we are living in.

OK, back to American Idol... I admit to watching it. I admit to watching it only until the first few weeks are over with. I like to see the contestants that get up there and claim they are great only to find out they aren't. It amuses me. Maybe I have a mean streak or something. Maybe most of America does too since the current way the show is done is the biggest thing going. It seems to me that if someone gets up there and puts themselves in that situation, they should not be surprised when things go the way they usually do. There just are fewer talented people than the not so talented ones seen on the show. Is that so mean?

Hey, maybe I need to start an advocate group for people with a mean streak! It could be called "Mean People Against Discriminating Assholes". Our motto could be "Don't hate us because we think you suck!"

I like that. I may have to think about this one.....

Latest Poll Results

Here are the latest Poll results. It was no contest! Calvin & Hobbes wins without a challenge. 20 out of 28 votes is a pretty definite result, don't you think? I think we found one subject where we almost all agree. The Poll has one vote for a write in but I can't find it. Sorry to whoever wrote one in.

I just noticed... Calvin in this picture looks kinda like Betty's little boy. (I mean that as a huge compliment Betty.)

The new Poll will be posted soon. (As soon as I figure out what it will be.)

***Edit - The new Poll is up. (right sidebar) I felt obligated to do something for the Superbowl.


What is the best Comic Strip ever?

Peanuts 7% 2
Calvin & Hobbes 71% 20
Blondie 4% 1
B.C. 0% 0
Bloom County 7% 2
Doonesbury 4% 1
Born Loser 0% 0
Frank & Ernest 0% 0
Kudzu 0% 0
Non Sequitur 0% 0
Shoe 0% 0
Wizard Of Id 0% 0
Ziggy 4% 1
Dilbert 0% 0
I Wrote One In Comments 4% 1

28 votes total

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Not The Best Pick Up Line

Coming back from lunch, one of the Engineers and I decided that the lady carrying the big box didn't need our help.

We saw this woman semi-struggling to get a big box into her car so I mentioned that we should stop to help her. Then we decided that it would just sound like a pick up line. I can see it now:

"Hey, that’s a big box you have there. Do you need some help with it?"

I imagine many many slaps to my head asking a woman something like that.

I'm Stinky

I must be stinky today. We just had a large training meeting and I was the 4th person in the room. The room ended up almost filled but no one sat next to me. Not even Peachy. :(

I feel like a leper.


Monday, January 23, 2006

Skeeziod Story Of The Day

As if we need to hear from these dorks again, the Buttafuocos & Amy Fisher Plan a TV Reunion. I'm just curious, who cares?

How much you wanna bet it's on FOX?

Pretty Smile

Did you ever have a time when you were talking with someone and they would keep looking right at your mouth? Eventually they would smile and excuse themselves, leaving you confused. Then you go to the restroom quickly and find something on your teeth, like spinach or something. Did you ever have that happen?

Yeah, me neither. ;)

I think the worst part would be the next time you ran into that person again. Personally, I think I would just get close to them and give them a huge, cheesy grin to let them know that I know what they found so amusing.

Yeah, if that ever happens thats what I'll do.

Looking Forward To Next Weekend

Back to work is fun. Yes, this Monday morning is OK with me. Not like the usual Monday blahs. Not with the weekend I had. It was an annoying one, to say the least.

First the clogged pipes incident. Then the 'surprise visit' from my Mother right in the middle of the pipe fixing. Then the finishing up of the piping on Sunday and after that the stupid phone service screwing up for no apparent reason.

It was kinda cool that I didn't have to visit for too long on Saturday when the Mom came over. Poor Nicci got the brunt of it. I just kept on working with the Roto Rooter guy until that problem was solved. By that time, the Mom was ready to leave. Neat.

Then I had to figure out how to replace the piping in the yard. The plumber guy had to cut off what was there to access the clogged piping. He was bitching the whole time about how people don't take maintenance into consideration when they put stuff like access piping in. Isn't it funny how that always is the case? One person fixes something and the next person that has to use it hates the way the first person did their thing. It is a very common thing.

Anyway, I had to find out how to replace the access piping that was sticking up from the ground before Mr. Sawzall got busy. I drew myself a little diagram and took it to Lowes, fearing the worst. Turned out it was pretty easy. They had all the fixins and I got it installed within about an hour. Cool!

Naturally, that was too easy. It occurred to me that I was getting off pretty good. Stupid me. Next thing I know, our phone wouldn't work properly. Nicci was talking to her Mom in South Africa and the stupid thing would just fade out. It happened on Saturday morning too but we thought it might be a fluke. Nope.

We have Vonage and it has worked perfectly for months. Now something has changed. I went through all their trouble shooting ideas. Nothing worked. I spent an hour on the phone talking to them and trying everything they suggested. Still didn't work. They decided that I needed a beefier modem so I went and got one and installed it, going through all the crap you have to go through with the cable company to get it set up with them. I was sure that would work. Nope. Same problem this morning. Now I have to get in touch with them again after all that to see if they have any more ideas. Fun!

So I'm happy to be at work today. The weekend wasn't all that great. I did get to sit down late Saturday and sip some wine while watching Anne of Green Gables. Go ahead and laugh but I just got it on DVD and it is one of my favorite movies. Nicci and I actually got to see it together. That was the only calm spot in the weekend.

I hope everyone else had a good weekend. I'll be looking forward to next weekend all week. That should make this week seem longer but the end will be sweet.

Happy Monday.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

A Fine Way To Start The Day

Believe it or not, I am just now getting this day started. I was awakened this morning by the sound of the shower running, the sump pump coming on and Nicci yelling that something was wrong. There is no way the shower should even make the sump pump run. Naturally, I decided to get up and see what was going on.

To make a very long story short (which is hard for me) our pipes were clogged. Not the bathroom pipes but the main drain piping. We had to have an emergency visit from a plumber and find the problem and get it fixed. Then when the pipes were cleared, the sump pump wouldn't work. The water had backed up into the pump piping and clogged it too. That had to be taken apart, cleaned and reassembled.

So now it is done. I've finally managed to shower. (Yeah, I felt gross all day.) And I am also a lot less well off. Emergency visits are expensive, especially on weekends.

Stupid ass pipes!

Now there is a helluva way to start the day, not to mention the weekend.

BS Friday Answer

The BS Friday story was mostly BS. We did skip school to play pinball a few times and the name of that cool pinball machine was true. The rest was all BS.

As for the later post, The Question of the Day, no I haven't been naughty. Not especially naughty. ;) I just feel bad sometimes for Nicci having to try and deal with me. I am moody, egocentric and sometimes emotionally aloof (now theres a term!) and she gets frustrated with me. I would too. Actually I do.

It's a strange relationship we have. We are totally opposite and she isn't from this country. That makes things even harder for her. Sometimes I just feel bad for her, trying to deal with a different culture, different values system and a guy who has always been on his own.

Relationships are the hardest things in the world to deal with, eh?

Friday, January 20, 2006

Question Of The Day

Do you ever feel bad for your significant other having to put up with you?

Yes, I am serious.


I just wanted to post on here. Have a great weekend everyone.

YB, is the boss lady in today?

Welcome To BS Friday

Welcome once again to BS Friday. You know the deal, I'll write it and you tell me if it's real or just plain old BS. Today's post is called: Some Friends Are Not Friends

Back when I was in high school, Pinball was a big deal. Arcades were popping up everywhere and those upright video games were pretty new. But we all still loved Pinball. We would even skip school to play. We would shovel snow, mow grass, paint walls and clean for people to get money to play Pinball. Then we would blow all our dough on gaming. It was a wondrous time to be alive. :)

One day we skipped school to go and play this new game that the local 7-11 had installed into their front window. It was called Tri-Zone. It was a great game. We hopped onto our bikes and made the journey, eagerly anticipating a day of screwing around. When we got there we immediately piled our quarters onto the glass, reserving the next few hours for just us. That was how you did it back then. You piled quarters on the machine to indicate to anyone that there was someone already in line to play next. Of course, remembering who was next was the tricky part. I have no idea who we thought would be interrupting our gaming since everyone else we knew went to school that day, but we did the ritual anyway.

We played for a while, getting the feel of the new machine, sucking down Pepsi and munching healthy breakfast items like Ho Hos and Pop Tarts. Oh yeah, life was good.

Soon we were getting longer turns. It was becoming easier to work the machine. You know what that means, right? Kids with time on their hands can find mischief anywhere. At one point, it was my turn and I was kicking the machines ass. It seemed like I could do nothing wrong. I heard my friends murmuring and giggling behind me about something but I was in the zone. I paid no attention.

Then one of them was stuffing something into my back pocket. He was saying that he wanted me to hold this thing for him. I was still engrossed in the awesome game I was having so I just said OK and kept going.

When my turn was finally over I turned around to find 2 clerks going on and on about something with one of the guys. I was wondering what was up. I soon found out. Apparently this one friend had decided it would be cool to shoplift a couple of those Bic Lighters. (None of us smoked so I still wonder about that choice.) But he had been seen and the clerks had called the Cops.

When the clerks started questioning the rest of us, I was back at the machine with my back toward them. They started asking me if I had stolen anything and the one clerk told the other I had been playing at the time. They looked me over and decided that I was clean, even though I knew my friend had stuffed something into my back pocket and I had a good idea what it was. But what was saving me was my keen fashion sense. I had on a pair of jeans we called “Flaps”. They were jeans with big pockets in the back with flaps that buttoned closed. The pockets were so big you couldn’t tell if anything was in there.

The distractions ruined the game and that’s when we decided to leave. Before the Cops showed up. The clerks wouldn’t let our shoplifter friend leave with us. As we were leaving we heard this big bang and some yelling. When we looked around, there was the thief running across the highway. He had slammed his was past the clerks and took off before the Cops came. We just kept on going.

A few blocks away I checked out what was in my back pocket and sure enough there was a nice new, stolen Bic lighter. Nice. We decided to destroy the evidence so we unwrapped it and smashed it to pieces. I had to remember to thank my ‘friend’ later for involving me in his crime spree.


Thursday, January 19, 2006

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

American Idol

I have just seen the next American Idol. You did too if you are watching. Lisa Tucker, a 16 year old. If she doesn't win, it will be a close thing.

I usually don't watch past the first few weeks. I like it when the contestants suck. Mostly the show bites, in my opinion. But I may have to peek in every now and then thanks to Lisa Tucker.

Pencil Neck Geek!

The Warehouse Manager just referred to someone as a "Pencil Neck Geek". That is cracking me up. I didn't know anyone used funny insults like that anymore.

He must be old school. :)

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Rural America Rules!

On the way home I stopped in the Post Office in this tiny little hick town. I had to since all the Post Offices were about to close. I was pleasantly surprised. It was a clean little place and the Postmaster was the only one there. She was so helpful and friendly. It was a nice change from what I was used to.

Then this guy came in. The stereotypical redneck looking type, all greasy haired, Ozzy t-shirt with holes, a John Deere hat on. Kinda gross. I tried not to judge by his appearance though. I know that is a bad thing to do. Then he started talking (around the big chew in his bottom lip).

Big Red: "Hey Honey, I needs some of them two cents stamps."
Postmaster: "Ok, how many do you need?"
Big Red: "Well, hows about a dollars worth? I think thas po-lenty."
Postmaster: "Really. That is a lot. Are you sure you need that many?"
Big Red: "Oh, jus how many is it?"
Postmaster: (smiling) "Uhmm, its 50. They are 2 cents a piece."
Big Red: "50 huh? Ok maybe I only need one dollars worth."
Postmaster: "That is still 50. Are you sure you want that many?"
Big Red: "Oh, did I jus say that agin? I meant I only wanted to spend a dollar. I need some twos and however many a dollar gets."
Postmaster: (looking confused) "Uhmm, did you get a book of $.37 stamps and you need the 2 cent ones to go with it?"
Big Red: "Yep, I think that's what she got. The woman didn't tell me how many. Jus a book full is what she got."
Postmaster: "Ok, I think you just need enough to go with the book. There are 20 in your wife's book. That will be $.40."

Now Big Red reaches into his pocket and pulls out a pile of change and slaps it onto the counter. He then tells her to take what she needs and to keep the rest for a tip "since ya'all been so sweet and all."

I left at that point but I tell you, I did need the laugh and I appreciated it. Even I couldn't make up a guy like that.

The Modern Wedding

Gabby Hayes has been talking about her impending wedding plans for some time now. Peachy wrote a little about it recently too. Personally I have to wonder about being with someone for 7 years and still not having real plans but hey, what do I know about relationships anyway? She sure does like to complain about stuff though. Not just her stuff but other peoples wedding stuff too.

But she made me start wondering about wedding ceremonies in general. For instance, she is thinking about having the ceremony in some far off place like Tahiti or the Bahamas. Some of the family can’t afford to go. How fair is that? I can see that being a useful tool to keep people away that you really don’t want to invite anyway. But I’m like Peachy, "damn the politics"! If I don’t want someone there I won’t invite them. But having a wedding that far away seems weird to me. Little Boss is doing the same thing. She’s getting married in the Dominican Republic. I think those places are cool, but only for a honeymoon, not a wedding ceremony.

Mostly I think weddings suck anyway. Forcing people to travel for a wedding sucks even more. It’s just a big show that costs a bunch of money and means the same thing as a little show that costs less. I think spending the big bucks on a honeymoon makes more sense. All the stress planning the big show and getting it to work out isn’t worth it. People go nuts planning the thing.

I especially liked hearing Gabby’s thoughts about people coming without gifts. She says the ones without gifts are the first to get pissed when there isn’t open bar. I really have no experience with that. (With the possible exception of having helped run up the tab on a few open bars.) But coming to a wedding without a gift seems wrong too. Do people really do that? Maybe if I had to spend money on traveling to Tahiti I would feel like just my presence was enough of a gift. Then I could see me showing up without a real gift.

One thing I never understood about weddings is the way the gift opening is such a big deal. Who wants to stand around for 3 hours watching people open gifts that sometimes they don’t even want? Those fake, forced smiles are pretty obvious sometimes. And don’t get me started on the whole ‘receiving line’ idea. That is nerve wracking.

It all seems like a big bunch of wind, piss and excitement anyway. With the divorce rate up to and heading over 50%, its like weddings are just a prelude to divorce anymore. Maybe there should be a big time divorce ceremony now. Since weddings and divorces happen with the same frequency, why don’t people have big parties for both? There would be some fun at those divorce parties for sure. They would be another reason for more presents too. Might as well have some fun on both ends of a relationship.

All in all, I guess I don’t understand the whole ‘pomp and circumstance’ of big, flashy wedding ceremonies. I also don’t understand people who go to weddings and complain about everything. I think the ceremonies mean little. It is what the couples feel about each other that really matters. Who needs to show off for someone when you know what it is you feel? What the crowd thinks about it is all abba-dabba anyway. Plus, the ceremony should be all about the bride. Who am I or anyone else to question what it is they want on that day? Just “Wash your butt, get dressed and come to the wedding” is what Gabby Hayes likes to say. I think for one day out of my life, I can handle that.


Monday, January 16, 2006

Stay Tuned

I'm still totally uninspired. No posts are coming. Sorry.

Stay tuned... tomorrow?

Latest Poll Results

This was a weird weekend. I just didn't feel like posting at all. I did visit almost everybody but posting wasn't in the cards for me. A mini-slump maybe? Maybe.

Here are the latest Poll results. Basically we feel that there really isn't a difference in U.S. security since fighting with Iraq. The President would argue with that.

Surprisingly, the percentages being ignored, we are split on whether it was worth fighting anyway. 11 votes to 15 votes isn't much of a difference. I expected to see a bigger spread with this one but it is the opposite.

Interesting results. I have posted the new Poll (right sidebar). A bit less serious this time. As always, if there is a choice I've missed just write it in comments somewhere. I'll add it to the final total.


Is the US safer as a result of the Iraq War?

Yes, much safer. 17% 5
Maybe a little safer. 17% 5
Not safer. 17% 5
Much less safer. 7% 2
There is no difference before or after the war. 41% 12
Not sure. 0% 0

29 votes total

Do you think the war with Iraq was worth fighting?

Worth fighting 38% 11
Not worth fighting 52% 15
Unsure 10% 3
Who cares? 0% 0

29 votes total

Saturday, January 14, 2006

BS Friday Answer

Time for the BS Friday answer. The story is true. All of it. That time in life was full of adventures like this one. It was great. That guy Ted was a real jerk. I couldn't type exactly how obnoxious he was. He really started getting in my face and it was so obvious why. I've known a few guys like that in my time. The kind that see threats to their manly conquests even when they aren't there. Dorks. They don't realize that stuff like that usually doesn't impress the ladies. I was just there for a beer or three. It turned out better though. ;)

It's no wonder I have a hard time with this life. This settled lifestyle really grits on me a lot. I think it's the lack of freedom to have adventures like the ones I post about. I don't even know that I would follow through with a situation like this one these days. I do know that not having the freedom to do so sucks. I think that whole idea of 'sowing your wild oats before you settle down' is actually backwards. I think it's best to not know what you are missing.

Welcome to YB's brain.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Welcome To BS Friday

Welcome once again to BS Friday. This is how it works; I’ll write it and you tell me if it’s BS or truth. Simple. This week’s story is called: “I’ve heard of worse reasons for sex.”

Not long ago, in my ‘other life’, I used to go to the beach pretty much every other weekend. I had friends who had places to stay and never had to pay for rooms. I made a lot of friends there since they noticed me around. It was one of the best stretches of time in my life to date.

One weekend I was hanging at my favorite bar sucking down free beers and talking to my friend Shane, who happened to be the bartender. I was just minding my own business, not much interested in my surroundings when a woman came into the place and ended up sitting one bar stool down from me. I was on the corner and the place was fairly busy so the best choice was to sit near the end where I was.

She sat down and Shane came over to take her order. I noticed some things right away about her. First, she looked a lot like Elizabeth Perkins (who I thought was sexy) and second, she ordered 2 drinks. She wasn’t alone. I guessed her age to be maybe 37-38. (I was 25 at the time.)

Shortly her guy came in from parking the car and he sat beside her. I noticed something about him too; he looked like Robert Goulet and he kept looking over at me like a shark or something.

I continued to sit and talk with Shane in between his filling drink orders until Liz said to me, “Excuse me, but didn’t I see you last night playing music at that deck bar?” I just smiled and said that yes, I had been there sitting in with someone. (I sat in a few times with this Coast Guard guy who played guitar and sang at the local deck bar nearby.) She smiled and said she thought it was me. The she started asking me about music and was I a musician and all that type of small talk stuff. She seemed nice. She then introduced herself, Sylvia and her ‘friend’ (her word) Ted. (I smiled when she said Ted. For some reason that cracked me up.) We chatted for a while. I introduced her to my favorite wine and she had some. At this point I thought they seemed like ok people.

When she asked me if I was a full time musician I told her no and then told her what I did. I was surprised when she said she knew exactly what I was talking about. Apparently she was some kind of research scientist and was very interested in one of our companies products, which at the time was a huge thing in the scientific marketplace. She started asking lots of questions then about the product and what I did with it... yada yada yada. At this point I decided for sure that she was OK. Smart and cute and funny. I liked her.

Old Ted didn’t seem to be into the conversation though. He didn’t say much until I mentioned that I came down to the beach facility to calibrate the instrumentation there. Then he started.

He started asking technical questions about some of our equipment. It was obvious right away that he didn’t really know what he was saying and that he just wanted me to stop talking to Sylvia. At one point he said “So, does that reader use a laser or is it one of those latching relay switches?” I nearly fell off the stool when he said that because that told me everything I needed to know about him. There would never be a latching relay switch (whatever that is) in one of our readers. He was faking his stuff to impress the lady.

Soon his questions became more and more forced and obnoxious. He then started saying that he thought I was making up stuff and that it didn’t sound like I was in the field at all. I could see Sylvia was getting a little tense now. So I looked her right in the eyes and said, “This is why most of my best friends are women. Men can’t keep the testosterone out of their mouths long enough to be friendly.”

He got pissy then and asked what I meant by that smart assed remark. I just looked at her again and said “Funny, I took you to be smarter than that.” When I said “that” I nodded toward Ted. That really set old Ted off. He was pissed. He started with the old “so you want to take this outside?” and “I’ll kick your ass you little jerk” stuff. Sylvia, on the other hand, just started laughing out loud. When he wouldn’t settle down, Shane had to ask him to leave. Sylvia apologized and started to leave with him. Then she stopped and asked if I would be playing again that weekend. I just smiled and told her that I would be.

I stayed and closed down the bar with Shane and when we were walking out, guess who was walking in? Yep, Sylvia, coming back for a ‘nightcap’. Shane told her that the bar was now closed. She said that was ok because she had something else in mind. She raised her right hand and showed me the wine bottle she was carrying, Behringer Johannesburg Riesling. Now we were talking!

We ended up spending the night together where I was staying. It was a blast. In the morning I asked her why she had come back. Her answer was simple. She said, “Well, being in the science world I don’t get many chances to be with musicians, especially young ones who know good wine. But the real reason is that I wanted to see where you kept your testosterone.”

I guess I’ve heard worse reasons.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Hilarious Movie Review

I was checking out blogs linked to Awna and came across this movie review. It is for Brokeback Mountain, whatever that is, and I couldn't stop laughing. Check it out. It's funny.

What Was I Thinking About?

On the way to work I had this whole train of thoughts rolling along. It was one of those where subject after subject came and went. Then I got to one that stuck and I started wondering what others would think of it so I decided to post about it. Guess what? I totally forgot wtf it was.

Damn that pisses me off.

I remember thinking that I'd love to hear what opinions my blog friends would have. I was pretty excited to post about it. Now I can't remember it at all.

If you've been here a while and read the posts where my thoughts are rolling along you know how easy it is for me to lose something in there. Maybe I'll remember it later. *sigh.*

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

T & A & C Test

A cool test. Funny how it got me exactly right.

Skinny and Sexy
Raw score: 29% Big Breasts, 31% Big Ass, and 60% Cute!

Thanks for taking the T and A and C test! Based on your selections, the results are clear: you show an attraction to smaller breasts, smaller asses, and sexier composure than others who've taken the test.

Note that you scored low on both breast and ass size. This means you appreciate thinner, harder bodies. You are most likely to appreciate a super-model. Relatively, you are less attracted to round, soft, sloppy women.

My third variable, "cuteness" is a mostly objective measure of how innocent a given model looked. It's determined by a combination of a lot of factors: lack of dark eye makeup, facial expression, posture, etc. If you scored high on that variable, you are either really nice OR you're into deflowering teens. If you scored low, you are attracted to raunchier, sexier, women. In your case, your lower than average score suggests you appreciate a sluttier look. Kudos!

Recommended Celebrities: Kate Moss and Kate Moss, but 'em post-coke-binge for a cheaper date.

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 11% on tit-size

You scored higher than 15% on ass-size

You scored higher than 62% on cuteness

If you liked my test, send it to your friends!
The Tits, Ass, and Cuteness Test

The I Told You So Day

Yesterday was a day full of 'I told you so' moments for me. The first was obvious, the Dentist. He gave me the speech, in a nice way, about how he warned me to come in regularly to prevent stuff like teeth breaking and more cavaties, that kind of thing. I knew that was coming. What was great about his speech giving was that he did it before the exam and after checking out my teeth he found nothing wrong but the broken spot. 4 years between visits (yeah, I thought is was only 3) and no problems. The tooth in question was the 'beer bottle' tooth. He laughed when I told him that story and then said "That explains the groove in the tooth right below it". Cool.

Turns out the broken one already had a filling. It just got weaker and the filling ahd to be repaired. I did have to make an appointment for having the cap put onto the one I've ignored for 4 years. He gave me the 'I don't want to have to say I told you so' speech about that one. Basically it was a good visit.

The next 'I told you so' moment was when I got home and found that out kitty had thrown up on our white couch. Nice. (Our cat has been having some stomach troubles lately. )The thing is, Nicci and I had just had the discussion about covering the thing while we aren't home, just to avoid this kind of mishap. Me, being all knowing, had the opinion that the odds were against it ever happening and that we didn't need to worry about it. "She never stays on the furniture when she feels sick." Yeah, famous final words. The very first place the cat pukes is right where I said she wouldn't. It wasn't too bad but it was enough that I was worried we couldn't have it cleaned properly. Luckily the stain guard stuff helped a lot and the couch is now clean, but I earned that 'I told you so' moment. YB's a dope!

The last moment came from me to myself. Those are the worst because they are also the "I should have known better' kind. Makes you feel stupid. I have this huge pile of wood, neatly stacked, outside the garage for our fireplace. (Some may remember the post about the giant wood delivery.) Over the weekend I brought more inside so it would be nice and dry for burning. I noticed that the front stack was a little weebly and wobbly and I decided I needed to restack it so it wouldn't fall down. Once I got insdie and took care of things, I just didn't feel like doing it. I put it off. Naturally the wind picked up yesterday and when I went around the corner of the garage, the whole stack had fallen down. It was all over the place. It took me twice as long to fix it as it would have if I had done it immediately over the weekend.

So that was my day. Full of 'I told you so' moments. I hope to be able to avoid the same fate today. I hope you all do too.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Could Be Fun... Maybe?

Today is the day. Today I get to go to the Dentist and get my tooth fixed. It's only been 3 years.

Here's the story. 3 years ago I had to have my first root canal done. I had heard from lots of people that this was a sucky thing to have done but the truth is, I was looking forward to it. I had never seen one done. So I went and had it done. It was no big deal at all. Then I was supposed to go back and have the cap (is that right?) put on said tooth, but I never did. 3 years ago in January.

Here is my history with Dentists; I hardly ever go. I'm not afraid or anything. I just don't bother. The visit before the root canal was the first time I had been to the Dentist in maybe 5-6 years. When I did go he said he was worried to see me. He thought I would have to be in his place all day since I don't visit regularly. He expected me to have some unhealthy teeth. Then he was surprised. No cavaties. No unhealthy anything. He didn't even have to do much cleaning. I was in and out in 30 minutes. It was fun to hear him babbling on and on about how he was so amazed that I had no problems.

Naturally after the cleaning I had trouble. Naturally. Then came the root canal. So I don't see why I should go regularly since I only have problems after I visit.

What has prompted this visit is that a tooth on the opposite side has broken. I was sad when it happened too. It was the tooth I had grooved by opening beer bottles with my teeth. Yep, I did say that. Way back when in my other life I perfected the art of biting open beer bottles. Everyone would bring me their bottles just to see how I did it. The only real hard to open bottles were the Molson Golden ones. My personal fave, btw. But I did develop a groove on the tooth in question. After all these years of not doing that any more, the thing has broken off. Bummer.

So today I go in and kill 2 birds with one stone. I will get the new and old problems taken care of. Yay for me.

Have a great day everyone. I'll be back later with all the gory details. I will try not to drool all over the screen when I get back. ;)

Monday, January 09, 2006

WTF Are You Talking About?

One of our co-workers just left my office after showing me her engagement ring. I had seen it before so it wasn't a big deal. The thing is, she is wearing it because Office Guy sort of shamed her into wearing it.

Apparently he told her that by not wearing her engagement ring and wearing her hair down, not tied up, that she was sending the wrong signals. That she was sending confusing signals, or something like that.

This type of thinking is weird to me. The person in question doesn't wear her ring to work for the simple reason that it could (and would) get damaged or lost here. The type of work she does isn't really safe for her to be carrying around that nice ring. Believe me, her guy did her good with the ring. It's nice.

I don't have any idea what he means by the 'wearing your hair down' part. Is that something I've missed somehow? Does wearing your hair down mean you are available? And why would he care since he is always telling us how happlily married he is?

Personally, I wouldn't wear that ring in to work. I told her she shouldn't take the chance on getting it damamged while working. She said she wears it everywhere else. So what's the big deal?

As for her hair being down, I don't know what to say to that one. I wonder where this guy is from?


Last night I got a little bored after Football was over so I checked out the free movies on Pay Per View. Yeah, that doesn't make sense to me either. Free on Pay Per View. Anyway, I noticed that the movie Krull was a new edition. I was psyched about it and decided to watch it. I remember seeing Krull when it was brand new in the theatre. It was 1983, a long time ago and I was so into that movie coming out. Back then it was cool.

Last night it was hilarious! I couldn't believe that I was so impressed with the movie way back when. Now it is so lame that I had non-stop laugh attacks all the way through. The acting was over done. The effects were under done. The story had potential but it never lived up to it. I loved it!

Of course I like 'choice cheese'. That's what G and I called all those lame, cheesy B-Movies. We would watch MST 3000 all the time and laugh like fools. The actors in those things are so serious! Krull has joined the ranks of 'choice cheese'.

When it was new, the advertising and the whole idea was huge. It was one of those movies that my friends and I couldn't wait to see. Then we saw it at least twice. It seemed like it was top of the line back then. What with Star Wars being big and all the Sci-Fi stuff going crazy, Krull just fit right in.

It's funny how things seem so cool at one point in time and become the opposite later. Lots of things happen that way. Look at fashion. It keeps coming back to haunt us. I still don't get the bell bottoms coming back though. The hip-huggers, those are sweet. On women, that is.

So I got another object lesson in the way time passes last night. It was fun. Enlightening. The movie sucked big time, but I loved it still. Just for different reasons. If it's free on your cable service, watch it. Just don't try to take it seriously. If it's not free, skip it. Unless you are a fan of Choice Cheese. Then you will be entertained.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

What If You Had A Twin?

I always thought it would be great to have a twin. I’d love to be half of a set of twins. Or even to have twin girls. (Get your mind out of the gutter. I meant if I had kids.) I love the whole idea. At least I did until yesterday.

Yesterday I went to Jo Ann’s with Nicci for something she wanted to get and I noticed some twins. The thing is, they were, well… pretty darned ugly. Sorry, I tried to find a way to soften that. They really were. They were identical. They were huge. They both had 3 chins and even those chins looked the same. They had big old hunched backs and that big flabby thing that extra large women get in front. You know the one, it hangs under their bellies and looks like a butt in front. Scary!

For some reason, I never thought about the possibility of twins being ugly. It just didn’t occur to me. But now that I’ve seen those two, I realize there can be a bad side to being one of a pair. Imagine seeing your reflection in real time and not liking it much. Never being able to ignore it. On days when I feel blah! I just ignore mirrors and stuff that reminds me of me. Those two sure can’t do that.

Weird thoughts, to be sure. I’m kinda glad now that I’m not a twin.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

BS Friday Answer

I guess I made this week's BS Friday post too easy. Everyone guessed it right. It was true.

The girl in question was beautiful to look at but not so beautiful to get to know. That can be the case sometimes. It's a good thing I'm not like that. Oh, I forgot... I need that 'good looks thing' first, right? OK.

So today I am going to help my Uncle move some furniture to his store. Then I get to play and carry on the rest of the weekend. I haven't had a weekend without a schedule of some sort for a while. I'm a bit excited about it too.

Also, anyone have any predictions for the Football Playoffs today? I do. I think that somehow the Redskins will pull off the upset. They got close the last time they played in Tampa and only a career day by the Tampa Quarterback saved the Bucs. He hasn't been that good since.

Besides, I have a lot of friends who are Redskins fans so I'm hoping for them.

Speaking of being a fan, my team, The Patriots, will be playing tonight. They get to whip Jacksonville again. That should be good. I don't like that 8:00 start time but it should be fun to watch.

Tomorrow Carolina is playing the Giants @ 1:00. Naturally, I have to pull for the Giants since Kat is a big fan. Otherwise, I don't care much. (Sorry it's on FOX Kat.) Then Pittsburgh is at Cincinnati. That may be the best matchup of the weekend. I prefer Pittsburgh, but either one is OK with me.

Friday, January 06, 2006

BS Friday

Welcome once again to BS Friday. I'll write it, you tell me if it is truth or just plain old BS. This weeks post is called: Beauty is Skin Deep

Have you ever worked really hard to meet someone and then been so disappointed that you did? I have. Truthfully, that has happened to me quite a few times. I think I am incapable of believing that the object of my attention is human until I find out that they are.

I once had a huge crush on someone who I thought, no wait, I knew that they had to be cool to hang with. She was someone who I was introduced to when she dated one of my friends. My first warning should have been that she was dating that guy for longer than a month, (he was a womanizing jerk) but as I've mentioned many times, I miss details a lot.

The reason I was so infatuated in the first place was the obvious thing that gets a guy in his early 20's, she was beautiful. She was about 5'6" tall, long black hair and bright blue eyes and she was fantastically physically fit, shall we say. Anyone who knows me knows that I have weaknesses but none more so than a woman with black hair and blue eyes. (Red heads are close.)

She was gorgeous and this should have been something I noticed too; nobody stayed with her too long. Not even my womanizing friend who had introduced us. But all I saw was the hotness. So when I heard that she was single (again), I took the opportunity to track her down and 'get to know her'.

I went to a popular hangout where I knew she would be and I worked my way into a conversation with her. At first, it was fun. We talked for a while, all flirty and stuff and then I started noticing a pattern. A couple of them actually. I noticed that she was one of those types that complain about everything. Nothing suited her and no one could do much of anything right in her eyes. Even the rose guy was a dork to her. You know that guy, the one who walks through the bar selling roses to people. He stopped by our table and asked if I wanted to buy one for 'my lady'. I chuckled and got one for her. When I gave it to her, she acted like I had done a horrible thing. "How dare that guy assume that she was with me?"

She also was very critical of people, even if she didn't really know someone. For example, one girl she saw was wearing something she said didn't match, so instantly that girl was a skank. She was also pretty critical of some or our mutual friends, telling me her version of stories that I knew couldn't be right.

The best part about her was when she started talking about herself. (Best for me because I found it very amusing and enlightening.) She made mention of how every guy in the world wanted her. She mentioned how she should "run for Miss America" (her term) because she knew she could win. "Beauty is the #1 thing after all." (Her words again.) She told me how everyone wanted to be her friend and how she was the most popular girl in town... yada yada yada...

Then she started talking about me doing her portrait. She knew I was into doing faces and that I had done several for other people. She was convinced that I should "...immortalize her face while she was still totally in her prime".

By this time I just wanted to be away from her. I could see now why she never stayed with anyone very long. She was so into herself that, in her reality, no one else really existed. Eventually I managed to take my leave of her.

When I said my goodbyes, promising to call her about the portrait idea, (yeah, right) I noticed that she really didn't look as good to me any more. It was a big disappointment getting to know her.

Sometimes I think fantasies are better left in fantasy land. Reality really does bite sometimes.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Swedish Chef Speak Is Cool!

Here is the Peachy and YB adventure in Swedish Chef speak. Thanks a bunch Cat for the link. I love the Swedish Chef!

The original version of the story is posted below the Chef version. I swear it's all true. Well, maybe swearing isn't the best idea.

Yesterdey Peechy und I vent oon a vhurlveend loonch treep tugezeer. Ve-a vent tu get stemps fur her, a sympethy cerd fur a freeend ooff meene-a und zeen tu 7-Ilefee fur sume-a Beeg Beetes. It ves un interesteeng treep tu sey zee leest.

Furst, zee Pust Ooffffeece-a deedn’t hefe-a zee stemps Peechy vunted, su she-a sterted getteeng irete-a. She-a ves telleeng zee clerk thet he-a ves a duuffoos und thet he-a needed tu gu in zee beck und get “thuse-a demn stemps” thet she-a knoo he-a ves keepeeng frum her. Vhee she-a sterted tryeeng tu greb zee gooy thruoogh zee veendoo, I knoo it ves teeme-a tu get her oooot ooff zeere-a.

Zeen ve-a vent tu CFS und I deedn’t buzeer veet zee cerd. Peechy ves tuu boosy tryeeng tu feegoore-a oooot hoo she-a cuoold get inseede-a zee plece-a und preent her oovn peectoores. Thet vey she-a vuooldn’t hefe-a tu pey fur zeem. She-a ves oopenly flurteeng veet zee clerk, tryeeng tu sedooce-a heem intu letteeng her intu zee sture-a effter huoors. Unytheeng tu sefe-a a boock I gooess.

Zee vurst pert ooff zee treep ves vhee ve-a vere-a et zee 7-Ilefee. Zee gooy beheend zee cuoonter hed a heefy eccent und ves herd tu understund. Effter tryeeng tu get heem tu understund oooor oorder, Peechy gut unnuyed und sterted muckeeng heem. She-a ves telkeeng tu heem in her ferseeun ooff hees eccent und ecteeng fery sneede-a ebuoot it. Zee foonny theeng ves, he-a ectooelly sterted tu get theengs streeeght vhee she-a deed thet. Veurd.

Needless tu sey, it ves qooeete-a zee interteeening loonch treep yesterdey. Yuoo ell shuoold ixpereeence-a a Peechy treep sumedey.

The real version:

Yesterday Peachy and I went on a whirlwind lunch trip together. We went to get stamps for her, a sympathy card for a friend of mine and then to 7-Eleven for some Big Bites. It was an interesting trip to say the least.

First, the Post Office didn’t have the stamps Peachy wanted, so she started getting irate. She was telling the clerk that he was a doofus and that he needed to go in the back and get “those damn stamps” that she knew he was keeping from her. When she started trying to grab the guy through the window, I knew it was time to get her out of there.

Then we went to CVS and I didn’t bother with the card. Peachy was too busy trying to figure out how she could get inside the place and print her own pictures. That way she wouldn’t have to pay for them. She was openly flirting with the clerk, trying to seduce him into letting her into the store after hours. Anything to save a buck I guess.

The worst part of the trip was when we were at the 7-Eleven. The guy behind the counter had a heavy accent and was hard to understand. After trying to get him to understand our order, Peachy got annoyed and started mocking him. She was talking to him in her version of his accent and acting very snide about it. The funny thing was, he actually started to get things straight when she did that. Weird.

Needless to say, it was quite the entertaining lunch trip yesterday. You all should experience a Peachy trip someday.

My Cool Band Name

I bummed this one from Chicken. It made me laugh! Maybe I will have to start a new band now that I know what to call it. ;)

(Maybe I should wonder how they got 'housewives' from my name?)

Your Band Name is:

The Bad Mutha Housewives

Translation Fun

This is a post I wrote about an adventure Peachy and I had yesterday. Just for fun, I used this language translator site to make the usual bland story a fun challenge. If you translate it all back into English, I'll bet it gets really screwey, but it should be cool to read. Good luck and enjoy! (And remember, I always tell the truth, except for the occasional BS Friday posts. But this isn't Friday, is it?)

*EDIT: I should have mentioned that the 1st paragraph is Spanish, the 2nd is French, the 3rd is German, the 4th is Italian & the 5th is Russian. That will make it easier. No matter what the translations are funny. I'll post the original version later.

Ayer Peachy y yo pasaron un viaje intenso y rápido del almuerzo juntos. Fuimos a obtener sellos para ella, una tarjeta de la simpatía para un amigo mío y entonces a 7-Once para algunas Mordeduras Grandes. Era un viaje interesante no decir más.

Premier, le Bureau de poste n'a pas eu les timbres que Peachy a voulu, donc elle a commencé à obtenir furieux. Elle disait le commis qu'il était un doofus et qu'il a eu besoin d'aller dans le dos et obtient “ces condamner timbres” qu'elle a su qu'il gardait d'elle. Quand elle a commencé essayer de s'emparer du gars par la fenêtre, j'ai su cet étais le temps pour l'obtenir de là-bas.

Dann sind wir zu LEBENSLÄUFEN und gegangen, die ich mit der Karte nicht belästigt habe. Pfirsichfarben war zu beschäftigter Versuch zu lösen, wie sie innerhalb des Orts erhalten könnte, und druckte ihre eigenen Bilder. So müsste sie für sie nicht bezahlen. Sie flirtete offen mit dem Protokollführer, versuchend, ihn zu verführen lassen in sie ins Geschäft nach Stunden. Irgendetwas, einen Bock zu sparen, den ich errate.

La parte peggiore del viaggio era quando eravamo al 7-Undici. L'individuo dietro l'opposto ha avuto un accento pesante ed era duro per capire. Dopo che tentare prenderlo per capire il nostro ordine, Peachy ha preso deridere infastidito e cominciato lui. Parlava a lui nella sua versione del suo accento ed agendo molto lo snide di esso. La cosa buffa era, ha cominciato effettivamente a capire bene le cose quando ciò ha fatto. Strano.

Само собой разумеется, это была весьма интересная поездка завтрака вчера. Вы все должны испытать Замечательную поездку когда-нибудь.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

...a fellow of infinite jest...

....if only that place hadn't burned down, we could have had a kick-ass time there. I guess you would have had to be here though.

.....and that time at the beach... well, it would have been great if you could have come along.

I remember thinking how cool it would have been if you had been to that New Year's party with me. You sure did miss it.

I went to that place we always talked about. You would have loved it. Too bad you couldn't make it.

When I go to the old hang-outs, I remember how much fun we had. I remember how we could break the place up. Two people have never been so well suited for each other. I guess that was a long time ago now.

Don't think I've forgotten. I haven't. I won't. Sometimes I'd like to. It would be easier, but I won't.

Remember that time we said time couldn't kill us? Shows what we know.

.....a fellow of infinite jest,
he hath borne me on his back a thousand times.
Where be your giants now?
Your flashes of merriment
that could put the table on a roar?

Where indeed.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

New Year's Resolutions

Yesterday I started wondering just how New Year's Resolutions were invented. I have been thinking about it off and on since then. I think it's simple basically; the New Year is a starting point, a point that we can grab onto as a sign of new beginnings. We can latch onto that feeling of starting something new in a new era and feel like we will actually follow through. Our dedication is probably pretty serious at that point.

But how many resolutions are things that we will keep up with? Not many. How many are things we should just go ahead and do, whether it was November, December or January 1st? Probably most things. If it needed to be done as a resolution, should we have already done it or started it? Most likely.

I have made resolutions in the past. A few times I even kept them up for a while. Most of them I didn't. I don't think I'm too different from most people in that respect. I think the trick is to either not make resolutions or make some that you know you can keep up with. Maybe choosing a resolution that I know I'll do will give me the feeling of accomplishment that I need to try for some harder ones in the future. So here are the resolutions I have come up with. I'll write them here and keep tracking them throughout the year so we can see how well I am keeping up with them. (BTW, I 'borrowed' this idea from Quyen. Thanks Q.)

First, I will put together a small list of new songs I will learn to play. I have been very lazy with my music and I want to change that.

Second, I will have SpaghettiOs at least once a month.

I will have more sex. (Don't laugh. Married people do get less.)

Next, I will assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.

I will have a real vacation this year. Not just to the beach, which is a must for me, but something else cool too.

I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so!"

I will start and complete several challenging artistic projects.

This year, I will be less critical of people. Before I criticize a person, I will walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if they get angry, they are a mile away and barefoot.

I will learn to love my job. ;)

I will still be blogging this time next year.

So there you have it. I have made some resolutions. Let's see how many, if any, that I keep.

Anyone else making any New Year's Resolutions?

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Interview With A Vampire... or a Meritt. (Or a YB?) Same Difference.

I bummed this from Meritt. It looked like fun to do. I was right.
(Meritt’s title cracked me up so I left it.)

1. What did you do in 2005 that you’d never done before?
I quit a new job after just 2 weeks.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I do not make NY resolutions. (Me neither Meritt. I'd never keep them anyway.)

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
I gave birth… to a conniption fit or two... or three...

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Sort of. Two of my childhood heroes died; Don Adams (Maxwell Smart) & Bob Denver (Gilligan) That may explain a few things about me, eh?

5. What countries did you visit?
Physically, I stayed in the USA. But in my mind, the list is endless.

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
Peace of mind.

7. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
October 10th, 2005 That’s the day the Baseball season ended.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Buying a new home in my hometown.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Buying my Jeep.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Only in my heart.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My new computer!!!

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Hmmm. None that I can think of. Maybe Nicci for still wanting to put up with me.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Tom Cruise, Michael Jackson, Sandra Bullock.

14. Where did most of your money go?
The new house.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Opening day of the Baseball season. Same thing every year. ;)

16. What song will always remind you of 2005?
Time Of Your Life by Green Day. Every year should be the time of your life.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
Happier. Much happier. I’m starting to understand life and how it basically sucks always. That’s a hard thing but it helps to stop fighting it.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Easy one. Artwork.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Bitching and complaining. I’m good at those things.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With my family at my Aunt & Uncle's. Then home with just Nicci, a warm fire and some nice wine.

21. How will you spend New Year’s?
I spent it with Nicci, again in front of the fire with some good wine. (Hmm... I believe there is a pattern here.)

22. Did you fall in love in 2005?
Many times. Uncountable.

23. How many one-night stands?
In my mind, I had one every other day/night. *sigh*

24. What was your favorite TV program?
The Ghost Whisperer. Battlestar Galactica. Baseball Tonight.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Tom Cruise. Well, maybe hate is too strong a word. Despise and pity is probably more like it.

26. What was the best book you read?
The Last Night of the Yankee Dynasty

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Xavier Rudd, many thanks to Cindy Lou.

28. What did you want and get?
A new computer, a new Jeep, a new house. (Geez, it’s been an expensive year!)

29. What was your favorite CD of this year?
The Blogger CD. (Again, a Cindy Lou idea.)

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I liked Hitch and Elektra. (Yes, I liked Elektra. So what?)

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Skipped work, as usual and played the lazy guy. I turned 42.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Winning the lottery and/or making that trip to Tennessee as planned.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
"Same Old Same Old"

34. What kept you sane?
Peachy being my friend.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Jennifer Love Hewitt

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The idiots that won’t close our borders to all the illegal immigration.

37. Whom do you miss?
No one. I usually don’t miss anyone. Outta sight, outta mind.

38. Who was the best new person that you met?
Ms. N

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005:
That real, true friends are rare. More rare than even I thought they were.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

Tears on the sleeve of a man
Don't wanna be a boy today
Heard the eternal footman
Bought himself a bike to race
And Greg he writes letters
And burns his CDs
They say you were something in those formative years
Hold onto nothing
As fast as you can
Well still pretty good year... pretty good year...

Tori Amos