Wednesday, August 31, 2005

I'm Trying To Feel For Him...

I am trying to feel bad for Rafael Palmiero. I really am trying. But I just can't get there. I just can't be convinced that he accidentally took steroids. Accidentally implies that he was unaware of what he was putting into his body to get big, homerun hitters' muscles. These days a person in his position has to know every ingredient in the stuff they take. If they don't, they are true idiots.

Sorry but I'm not buying it.

This story tells about how he has taken to wearing earplugs while playing to keep from hearing all the boos from the crowd. Wearing earplugs! I kinda feel like that is more of a plea for pity than something that is actually effective. You can't tell me that earplugs will help with thousands of people surrounding you screaming their brains out. I'm not buying that one either.

I want to feel bad for the guy. I always liked him but now all I can think is "Too bad bud, you made your bed." Fans of Baseball don't like cheaters.

Ya mess wit the bull, ya get the horns, ya know what I mean?

Morning Poop

Here's a subject for an early morning; can someone explain to me why a person gets a runny nose while they are taking a dump? It happens to me every time. I just don't get it!

I asked a girlfriend about it once and she said the same thing happens to her too. I was glad I wasn't the only one. Does this happen to anyone else?

Maybe once we figure out this mystery someone can explain to me why I sneeze if I look at the sun (or even bright lights). My family said I inherited that trait from them. Kinda makes me wonder about the pooping and runny nose thing too.

I don't think I'll ask them about that one though.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Max Headroom, My Hero

Anyone else remember this guy?

For some reason, as I was walking down the hallway a little while ago, old Max just popped into my head. He is definitely an icon from the 80's.

Have I mentioned how much I loved the 80's?

This Is A Strange Place

Sometimes I think my workplace is OK and then things happen that make me realize that it's just another nut farm, just like the other work places around. Here are a few examples of things that have sent me away scratching my head in confusion recently.

I got a call from someone in one of the labs about a piece of equipment that wasn't working. She went into this big, elaborate detail about what she did to get it to work and how she absolutely had to have it running. It just would not work! Normally, I would just refer her to the Maintenance Group for help, but I know the people in this department, so I went in to see what was wrong. I walked in, assessed the situation, pressed the 'ON' switch, and left. Things usually work better when they are turned on.

This same group has a storage area where they keep sensitive equipment locked up. They claim they don't want anyone doing anything with the stuff for fear it will be altered in some way. Recently I had to get into the storage area for something but I didn't have the lock combination. After talking to a few of the people, I was told that no one knew the combination but it was posted on the wall beside the cart. I went back to check and sure enough in big block letters there was the combination to get into the cart posted on the wall right beside the locked up sensitive equipment. It was even labeled to let you know what it would open. Real secure, eh?

In one area, we have one of those automatic doors that you just hit the button on the wall to open. It is constantly failing. I recently came by and saw a Maintenance guy fixing the motor again and I asked why it was always breaking. He got all huffy and said that if people didn't use the thing it wouldn't be breaking all the time. When I mentiond his reaction to one of the other Engineers, he said the guy was right. The door shouldn't be used so it would always work right. Now there's a concept! Let's just buy all kinds of equipment and NOT use it. Then we would never have to worry about it needing any maintenance at all! Why don't all companies work that way?

We got in a new instrument that everyone was hot to put into service. I had many people asking me if I had done my thing to get it ready for the validation group yet. I had gone looking for it several times and couldn't find it. I was assured it was set up and ready for me to work with. Guaranteed. I still couldn't find it. (Maybe it had a cloaking device?) Finally after a couple of days I gave up. I went and asked the Warehouse Manager if he knew where it was and he took me right to it. It was still boxed up and sitting on a rack in the warehouse several rows up. About 20 feet up to be more precise. It was never put into place. It was never even taken out of the box. Kinda hard to work with like that, I think.

Finally, I got a request from someone asking if I could investigate an alarm. I went looking for it and could not find the source. I looked everywhere in the area that the alarm was originating, but I couldn't track it down. So I made a second go round and when I went into one area I noticed something odd about one of the refrigerators. I went for a closer look and found that the door was hanging open about a foot. Someone had gotten into the thing for whatever reason and left without closing the door. Now, I'm no genius or anything, but even I know that a refrigerator can't keep itself cool with the door hanging open. One would think that was a basic thing and a person wouldn't need special training for closing low-temperature chamber doors. But what do I know, eh?

Monday, August 29, 2005

Good Agent, Bad Agent

One of the things I've learned over this past 2 months or so is that no 2 Real Estate Agents are alike. I also have found out that when something sounds too good to be true, it really, really is.

First, the agent who listed our place for sale seemed so nice and sincere and totally interested ion our well being. She also talked a great game. The problem was, she was a lazy, useless bum. If anything needed to be answered, we had to follow up on it many times. If we needed something, we either took care of it ourselves or badgered her incessantly until she did her job. It was like she forgot that we were paying her to do a job, not paying her to watch us do her job. She even went so far as to insult Nicci once when she confronted her about her lack of help.

The problem was, I think, that we tried to save a buck by going to one of those "fixed payment" real estate teams. (I'm not sure if I can say who without some kind of slander suit, so if you want to know who, e-mail me.) The kind where you only pay a flat fee of $2995.00 when your house sells. The thing is (this is the part where you learn that you get what you pay for) they not only don't charge you full commission, they don't even bother trying to sell your home. They don't need to. There are hidden clauses in their contracts that state that they get paid no matter what. If you decide not to sell after an offer is made, they still get the full commission. If your buyer bails out on you in the middle of a deal, they get 50% of the ex-buyers deposit (I know that’s not the correct term). Either way, they get paid. Why try hard?

The only way you get to only pay them the $2995.00 is if they find a buyer and close the deal. The odds of that are astronomical, since they don't bother. The way they get around that is to have you allow them to list your home on the general listings and when another buyer that another real estate firm is representing buys the house, they automatically get 4%. There is absolutely no reason for them to find a buyer for you. They just wait until someone else does all the work. All they have to do is make a few phone calls. Neat, isn't it? Explains why the agents are so rude and lazy. Beware; you really do get what you pay for.

On the other side, we found a real estate person who bent over backwards for us and she was actually representing the sellers of the home we eventually bought. She was in constant communication between us and the sellers, arranged for all the details like the home inspection, radon testing etc... She was always there helping. She even drove to the lender and dropped off paperwork for us and came to our house when something else was needed in a hurry. (There is about a 50 mile difference between places.) She was great!

Another thing about her that amazed me was during the 2nd night we were in the house, she called and asked if I would take her signs off of the for sale post because the worker dudes were coming to remove it in the morning. When I mentioned that the sump pump wasn't working, she asked her husband (who remodels homes, btw) some questions trying to help us out. After a few questions, he just said "I'm going to have to look at it." So they came to the house at 10:00 at night and he worked on the pump for an hour to fix it. Is that service or what? Needless to say, they will be on our friends list from now on and I will absolutely recommend her to anyone for real estate help.

Funny how 2 people in the same business can be so different.

Back At It

So here I am, back at work. I actually do feel like I'm taking a break. The past week has been one of those 'up early, work on the house, oh yeah, better try to have a meal sometime today, keep doing projects until falling asleep very late at night' kind of weeks. It has been tough, but kinda fun too. In the long run, the place will be sweet.

So now I'm back and hopefully things will start returning to normal. Have I mentioned that moving sucks? Not recently? OK, well then, "Moving sucks." I don't mind helping friends move. The actual moving and lifting and stuff is OK plus it's a free workout (not to mention a free lunch). It's the part after the move that is hardest. When you help a friend move, you get out of all that stuff.

So, while I was away, what has happened? I have been checking in with everyone, but I sure have missed a lot. The HNT stuff was great as usual. (I think I could be in internet love with some of you HNT ladies. Maybe it's internet lust?) The Yankees have been moving back up to the top, where they belong. I see Karen has posted Polls for naming the new noisy neighbor. That's pretty funny. It will take me time to get caught up, but hey, with my cool new high-speed internet at home, it won't be as hard.

I'll be posting some thoughts on some stuff I learned this past week about sneaky real estate people. I was surprised at what they can get away with. Somehow, I am still the type that is easily surprised by people's ability to screw others over. I guess I'm gullible. Right now, I need to get back on track with work stuff. Bummer, isn't it? Yep, sure is.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Did'ya Miss Me?

Hello again all my blogger buds! Finally, I am back. It has been an experience this past week or so, lemme tell ya! I can’t wait to get back to work so I can have a break.

I know that a lot of people make that joke after being off for a while, but this time I really mean it. This past 9 days has been a blur of sleeping (short sleeps) and working. I do not want to ever go through a week like this past one.

To start with, we had 3 days of moving furniture and stuff. Then before we could unpack all the boxed stuff, we had to strip the walls downstairs, clean them and paint them with dry-lock. (2 coats) Then paint the walls and floor with 3 coats of floor paint. After that dried, we could move stuff into the storage area. In the meantime we were arranging the rooms, unpacking what we could, getting the logistics of living in another state taken care of and occasionally eating a meal. The time has flown by in a blur.

I feel tired again just trying to recount it for you.

The closing on Thursday was a total nail-biter. To start with, the closing attorney showed up without any funds. None. We were supposed to close on the sale of our house and then go and close on the new house. Then when our real estate person told her that she had been telling her people all along that they had to bring the checks to the table, she attorney person and started getting into a heated argument. They both pretty much called each other liars right there at the table. Looking back on it, I am pretty amused, but at the time I was just pissed.

Next, the buyers didn’t show up. We waited and waited and when they were finally found, they claimed they were only 5 miles away. 45 minutes later, they showed up. They were over an hour late to their own closing. Nice.

Anyway, we got through it and now here we are, slaving away to get the new house into shape. It’s a lot of work moving into an older place and getting it to where you want it. It will be worth it in the long run, but right now, I’m just tired.

I did get my new high speed internet connection taken care of on Friday afternoon. It is so cool surfing at turbo speed. This is actually the first time I’ve been able to give it a good go. No wonder people don’t use dial-up anymore.

I’ll be checking in to see how things have been with everyone. I want to say thanks to Peachy for guest blogging. She’s the coolest! I notice there wasn’t a Highwayman post. Too bad. I really wanted to see how her version of our hero’s adventures would turn out. I love the Helpie Helperson tip. I sure don’t need gum in my hair. I can’t afford to lose any more.

OK, time to explore what has been happening with all my blog buds. I’m sure this will be an adventure in itself.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

My Apologies

I'm a horrible guest blogger. I had friends over Monday and Tuesday from Fl, and haven't had much time on the computer. I hope tonight I can get the highwayman written up.

Apparently YB is super busy because we haven't heard hair nor hide of that man since he's been gone. Monday can't come around fast enough. Plus, I'm excited for another short week, but still..

Monday, August 22, 2005

Today's Helpful Hint

From your helpful friend, Helpie Helperson.

Tip: When you finish chewing a piece of gum, throw it out immediately. If you don't, it will get placed in your hair by either yourself or your dog, and then you will have to shave your head bald or stick a piece of ice to your head for many hours in order to make the gum brittle.

Remember, Helpie says any help is good help. :)

Saturday, August 20, 2005

BS Friday-Update

For those that guessed true (Yoj, Grace), you are absolutely right.
YB's car was named Christie Lee and he raced against that guy. He said the engine was really WAY too big for that car, but it's what the guy wanted so, so be it.
He has great memories. His wife at the time told him that he loved the car more than he loved him. He had to agree, and that's one of the reasons it had the name it did.

I think I got the summary right.
See you next week. I actually have a highway man post for next week, in addition to a Helpie Helperson. I hope I can make YB proud.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Signing Off

OK, it's time for me to go. I will be signing off for a while, maybe until Monday the 29th. I may work some magic and get the internet fixed up at the new place before then, but that remains to be seen.

Peachy will be guest blogging here when she decides she feels like it. She will at least let everyone know whether the BS Friday story was true or not. Treat her nice.

I hope everyone has a great week. I'll miss ya!

Sex Post

See what happens when I leave my desk? At least someone is getting some.

Even Spongebob gets more action than me. Sheesh!

Yes, the desk is a mess. It's been that kind of a week.

BS Friday

Welcome once again to BS Friday. Try to figure out if this story is true or a big, fat, juicy pile of BS. This one is called "But It's Just A Vega!"

One night a few years ago I was out cruising with Christie Lee. Christie Lee wasn't a person. She was my 1963 Chevy Impala SS. She was my best friend at the time. I named her after that Billy Joel song "Christie Lee".

Anyway, the town where I lived has what was called 'the circuit' (older folks called it 'the peanut circuit'). It was a stretch of maybe 2 miles of Main Street that you could cruise straight down then turn left one block, turn left again and go back the opposite, parallel direction on 2nd Street to return to Main Street and do it over again. It was the perfect cruisers circuit. All the younger people would hang around the circuit on weekends, watching the hot cars race, watching the hot bodies hanging out and hopefully hooking up.

This particular night I had already won 2 seperate races and was feeling pretty cocky. I had smoked a 1970 LeMans and a 1969 Chevelle. I had built Christie's engine myself and she was pretty fast. So I get to this light and this dude in an early 70's Vega wagon pulls up beside me and starts gunning his engine. It had a good sound to it, but there was no way I would be intimidated by a Vega. Please! Naturally, I took the challenge. We both sat there, revving the engines, causing mega amounts of noise pollution, waiting on the green light. Finally, it came.

In a huge cloud of white smoke and with the sound of tire tread being brutalized, we both took off. I initially took a good lead and started to feel pretty good about it when all of a sudden this little Vega wagon just flashed by me like a bolt of lightning. As hard as I pushed Christie, I couldn't catch up either. I was shocked.

I watched in the distance as super Vega got too much into it and the inevitable happened; someone pulled out in front of him. He headed straight for the slow poke at what I thought had to be pushing 90 mph. I saw the guy whip to the right and his back tires let go. He slid sideways, then the car returned to the left, sliding that way, then back to the right and didn't stop. He ended up sliding in a half circle and now was facing me. As I slowed down and approached him, he stomped on the gas and with tires smoking he whipped around, back into the right direction and headed back down the circuit. It was cool to watch!

Later that night I met up with the guy and checked out his car. He had taken the entire front end of that little Vega and filled it with a hopped-up 350ci Chevy V8. He said it was really hard to fit it in there, but the results were great. Yeah, no kidding. That little car with all that hoursepower? Sheesh! No wonder I couldn't catch up.

I never under-estimated anyone like that again. Unfortunately, the town put a stop to cruising not long after that anyway. Something about the crowds and noise and the unsafe drivers. I don't know what they were talking about. ;)

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Jumping On The Bandwagon

Do you know this guy? Thanks to Cindy Lou I know him better now. His name is Xavier Rudd and if you haven't checked out his music, I suggest you do. He is great!

But don't just take my word for it, go and hear for yourself. (click, click, click)

What? Are you still here? Go!

Backing Up Your Sweetie

Did you ever run into one of those situations where your significant other has either gotten into a scene or they have been drug into one and you find that you do not agree with them at all? That is so hard. I've had that happen a few times recently and I really don't handle it well.

I tend to be the type who will just say and do what I feel is right without too much thought to it. But in those times, you have 2 choices; either back up your sweetie and feel like a liar or disagree in public and embarrass them. Those choices suck!

Then when you are alone and you get to voice your opinion privately, you can't win either. Either you are wrong and they can't understand how you couldn't see things their way or you are right and they want to know why you weren't honest, didn't speak up, yada yada yada.... Any way you slice it, their feelings are hurt.

Maybe the only safe thing to do is to disagree and keep it to yourself. Then blog about it later. Assuming they don't read your blog, of course.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Early Warning For You

I'm just posting this early warning for those of you who stop by regularly. I will be without internet access starting Friday evening until Monday the 29th. The big move starts that evening and I am really not sure if I'll get the new place internetted up next week or not. We'll see.

I am obviously not at work next week either. I did that so I could get the new house in shape easier.

Don't miss me too much.

Before then, I plan on posting as much as possible. Of course, that may be annoying too. Let's see how it goes, eh?

Designer Toilet Paper?

I heard on the radio that Designer Toilet Paper is becoming the big thing in Japan. I had to see what the big deal was. (Click here for an example.)

I just don't know about paying that much for some butt-wipe, but I do like the kind with lips on it. Who wouldn't want their ass kissed at least once a day?

Latest Poll Results

It would seem that most people like the name "Buttnugget" for my biker nickname. I kinda like how funny it sounds too but I'm not sure about the implications of all the voting. Hmmm.....

Anyway, if and when I get my bike and Peachy and I are rolling down the highways together, I will honor the bloggers choice and that will be the name. Does this mean I have to have it tattooed on me somewhere? I hope not.

The new Poll is up. Have at it. (Right sidebar, for those who are new here.)

What should YB's Biker nickname be once he (finally) gets his motorcycle?

Lugnut 0 votes
Drillbit 0 votes
Buttnugget 10 votes
Golfball 0 votes
Shine 0 votes
Blogger 4 votes
Hairpin 0 votes
Nesbit 5 votes
Grover 2 votes
Yankee 4 votes
Bug Tooth 1 vote
Buck Naked 6 votes
Wanderer 0 votes
Bubby 0 votes
Write in a suggestion via Haloscan comments. 3 votes

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

The View According To YB

I was just thinking about how much the advertising industry must hate one of my favorite inventions, the television remote control. They have to. I think so because I always use it when commercials come on. I can't stand seeing ads so I switch around to somewhere else until they are done. Turns out, my friends tell me the same thing. They constantly use the remote to avoid annoying commercials. Plus, contrary to popular belief, my women friends have said the same thing, so it's not just a guy thing.

Come to think of it, if no one is watching the commercials, how come there seem to be more of them all the time?

OK, now I'm confused.

But I bet they don't like the remotes (except when they are using them).

An Apology

I owe a dear friend an apology. I want to make it public so she knows I'm serious. We've been e-mail buds for almost a year now (maybe a whole year) and recently I have become very lax in writing back. I have no excuse, just total inattentiveness. (There's a word!) I have offended her and I am very sorry for it.

Those who know me well know that I can be that way. I have a tendency to just not notice that I haven't been in touch for a while. I have friends that I've known for 20 years that probably are used to it by now, but they could tell you how I will just 'forget' to stay in touch. Then one day I will realize that I haven't heard from them and I'll start checking in again. It's not intentional, just a part of me.

They will also tell you things like "YB has the attention span of a gnat", or "YB gets lost in his own little world". But they will tell you too that I don't stop caring and that I am fiercely loyal to them. I just can be a dope sometimes.

It's a funny thing to develop a close friendship without ever really meeting someone face to face. We recently had a couple of blog friends who even developed deeper feelings for each other via internet. I was a scoffer at such things before I started blogging, but I have definitely learned a bit since. I don't need to meet my friend to know that I care about her and how she's doing in life. A year ago you could not have convinced me that that was possible. Now I know better.

Relationships are funny things. Even ones that are considered 'virtual'. They should be well tended. Otherwise, you lose them.

I'm very sorry for being a bum L. I never intended to hurt your feelings. xoxo

Monday, August 15, 2005

My Newest Crush

Here she is. Can you guess which one I like?

Here's a close up. Isn't she sweet?

Not a bad replacement for Sandy, eh?

White Trash I'm Not

Thanks to Smashlee for the quiz. I always new I wasn't bound for the trailer park.

I am 23% White Trash.
Not at all White Trashy!
I, my friend, have class. I am so not white trash. . I am more than likely Democrat, and my place is neat, and there is a good chance I may never drink wine from a box.

Quickie Post

Our server has been down all morning sso I haven't been able to check in. Now I actually have work to do. Stupid work!

Anyway, Peachy is back! That sure makes the morning much better. Funny how you can really miss someone when they are away.

Also, we made out pretty well with the house problem I mentioned last week. The seller actually realized that the error was made by the listing agent and dropped his price, so we are now back on schedule. We saved $32,000.00 without even doing anything. Talk about a sweet deal! I guess we won't be homeless any more, assuming everything stays on track for the next 2 weeks. I keep praying that it will.

I have a few things to post today, but I don't have time right now. Go check in on Peachy. I'm sure by now she'll have pics from her trip. She told me it was a 4,400 mile ride. Sheesh! How does that not put calluses on your butt? I hurt just thinking about it.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

The View According to YB

I got this spam ad on my e-mail. It was for a porn site called "Girls that are cute, pudgy and hairy". That just cracks me up. I know there are sites for every personal preference, but that is a pretty specific one.

At least the title is entertaining.

I saw a personalized license plate today that said "yum". That was all. It made me wonder if the person who owned it was a blogger. We all like to say and talk about "yum".

I saw a guy today at Lowe's wearing those soft, silky running shorts. The kind that have the slit all the way up the side. Like a pair of stripper pants almost. When he walked they sort of floated behind him exposing his leg and butt all the way up his hip. It made me wonder how some of the workers at Lowe's could take him seriously. I don't know about that look for shopping at Lowe's.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

BS Friday Answer

The story from BS Friday is false. That never happened to me. I based it on a similar incident that happened to G. He did have someone hit on him and then directed him to someone else. I just embellished the whole thing a little.

Yoj, you were right, "G would have put the smack down on that guy & then tracked my ass down". Still, given the opportunity, I would have done it.

Friday, August 12, 2005

My Little Black Book

I told Cindy Lou this 'Little Black Book' still existed.

My personal scale goes from 1 star to 5 stars, 5 being the best.

I guess the truth is out CL.

The View According To YB

So last night I was stopped at a 4 way intersection and the person to my right was first to go. As she moved out I saw that she had the most amazing chin I had ever seen. That is not a compliment, btw. It was like her head never stopped until it got to her boobs. Her forehead to her boobs, straight shot.

The weirdest part was it looked all gushy and soft. When she turned to look for traffic, it sort of jiggled. As she drove by me, I started thinking just what that would look like during some kind of physical activity. That thing would never stop moving. She couldn't jog. It would keep slopping around and probably bloody her ears. If she was on a motorcycle it could blow up into her eyes. She would be blinded. It would maybe act like a parachute billowing in the wind, if it blew over her shoulder. I'll bet that chin-stuff slops onto the sheets when she is in bed, it was that huge.

Needless to say, I was amazed. Oprah Chinfree indeed.

Welcome To BS Friday

Welcome to another edition of BS Friday. Is it a true story or am I full'a BS? This one is called "I'm A Really Good Friend".

One night I was sitting at the bar waiting for my friend G, as usual. Mr. 'I'm always running late' didn't disappoint once again. I was into my 2nd beer when the bartender, who knew me well, sauntered over and slid a beer in front of me that I hadn't ordered. When I asked why, she nodded to a guy at the end of the bar and said he sent it over.

When I looked over to see who it was, I saw this fairly good looking guy nodding to me. I had no idea who it was. So I asked, "Do I know you?" He said, "I don't think so, but do you want to?" Yikes!

He then came and sat next to me and we started talking. Just small talk, nothing serious. Then he mentioned that he had seen me around and that he was happy that I was alone so he could get to talk with me. He also asked where my boyfriend was. Obviously I had been hanging out with G way too much because he had just assumed that we were a gay couple. I made a mental note to start hanging with some women in public more often.

So I explained to him that G and I were just buds, that we played music together and that I was by no means gay. Well, this didn't deter him a bit. He then started to try to pursuade me to consider a venture into an alternative relationship, maybe even just a one nighter to see if I would like it. Yikes again!

When I continued to tell him I was not interested at all, he got pretty into his most persuasive mode and even asked if I would consider money. He was sure that if I tried him out, I would be totally happy with the results. Don't you love that term? "Tried him out." Sheesh!

Anyway, I could not get this guy to take no for an answer, so I did the next best thing, I steered him in a 'better' direction. Being the good friend I am, I told him that G was into experimentation and that when he got there, maybe he would be interested. Well, that got his interest and suddenly he wanted to know everything about G. Everything. So I proceded to tell him of his many exploits that included women and men (yes, I was lying my ass off) and how G had an insatiable appetite for guys with longer, dark hair like his. I told him how kinky he was and that maybe he would want to tie him up and who knows what else. The dude was totally, totally aroused now.

Of course, right on cue, G walked into the place just then. He came over and I introduced him to his new future friend, excused myself to go to the restroom and promptly slipped out the door. I did peek through the window to see how he was making out. The guy was totally giving him the spiel he gave me, with his hand on G's knee even. Poor G was looking around frantically, maybe to see when I would come to his rescue. That wasn't going to happen.

The next time I saw G all he would say to me for hours was "You bastard!" I didn't blame him. Ah, what are friends for?

Thursday, August 11, 2005

I Have Sprung A Leak

That’s right, I gave blood today. I’ll bet you were thinking something else, weren’t you? (I don’t blame you.)

I like giving blood regularly. I’m type 0 negative, so they always like it when I come in to bleed. Plus it’s a nice reminder of how under the surface (literally) we really are all the same. No matter what race or nationality, we all are people after all. I can have your blood, you can have mine and we don’t have to fight over it. We can all be happy.....

Ahhh crap! Even I’m getting sick of all that mushy, feel good bologna! The truth is, I just go for the free cookies. That’s the only reason. I am a chocolate chip cookie addict and any way I can get them, even if it means bleeding into a plastic bag, I’ll do it.

OK, now I really do feel better. The truth is out. Let’s see.... how long until I can donate again?

Today's Helpful Tip

...From your helpful friend, Helpie Helperson.

Tip: When visiting blogs that have sexy HNT posts, make sure you are alone, especially at work. Some of them make you feel a little funny, all tingly and stuff. Also, you don't want all the goobs you work with standing around your computer getting aroused. Bleech!

Remember, Helpie says any help is good help. :)

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

What A Revoltin Development

I may be a homeless person. I always wondered what that would be like. Maybe the fates decided I needed to experience it from a different perspective or something.

Here's the scoop, we have sold our house and thought we had bought another. Turns out the 'new' one is over-valued and once the appraisal was done, the bank said there was no way they would finance the whole thing. I can still buy it, but it's a lot more money out of pocket (a whole lot!) and then it would take years to recoup the lost equity. I ain't that crazy!

In the meantime, our house appears to be sold. One obstacle in the way, a formality actually, and we'll find out about it tonight. After that, we will be closing the sale on the 25th. I have no recourse in getting out of the sale.

So I don't have a house to move into. I don't have one to live in.

It's been that kind of a freaky day. *sigh*

The View According To YB

Last night I was talking to myself as I was driving home. Suddenly I realized I was totally bored. Bored with my own conversation with me. How sad is that?

So I shut up.

*This will probably be a regular feature from now on. I realize a lot that things I think about are kinda 'different', so I will try to post spur-of-the-moment thoughts as they happen.*

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Ah, To Be Young And In Love

Lately there has been a lot of talk around me about relationships and marriage. It seems everyone is contemplating long-term deals. One person is moving across country to be with someone. One person is engaged. One has a boyfriend whom she isn’t so sure is the right one. One recently got married (and it shows already). It’s like a soap opera around me. And I am amused.

I am amused because the recurring statement flying by is “Divorce is not an option. I will never get divorced. When I get married, it’s forever.” That’s a hoot! Not that I don’t think it’s possible. It is entirely possible for some. But it’s also highly likely to not be true. Especially for those young, naive souls who think that just because they believe it that will make it true. The truth is, love does not conquer all. Wishing that it did doesn’t change it.

Relationships are way too complex for assumptions like that. People sometimes do not grow in the same direction. Sometimes, oh the horror, they actually grow in different directions and outgrow each other. Yikes! There’s no sin in that. It sometimes just is a fact of life. “Sometimes an apple’s just an apple.”

Going into it all starry eyed is kinda dangerous. If something happens, the shock is much greater. It’s also much easier to not see truths that are right in front of your face. I think if someone has respect for the relationship and keeps a sharp eye on how and where things are going, then it has a much better chance of surviving. If not, I believe it has a much better chance of failure.

Yeah, I remember those days. I was married when I was 18. I believed I had found everything I needed. I even remember uttering the words “Forever” and “Luckiest guy in the world” and “we’ll always be together”, you know, all the wishy-washy, sickening sweet things that pop up when the love is still new. I was one of those who was in for a rude awakening. I got it too. But I also deserved it. I didn’t respect the differences we had as well as the similarities. If you don’t, you gets a black eye. Trust me.

Nope, I’m not amused because I think these romantic people around me are stupid. I don’t even think they are wrong to believe their claims to permanence and all encompassing romance. I’m amused because I think they are sweet. They also bring back sweet romantic memories from my past. I was young and in love once or twice too. (Don’t laugh.) I grew up. I got over it.

With age comes wisdom and experience. With wisdom and experience comes the ability to see things in the proper perspective. I used to think that was a load of crap. It’s not. I hope my romantic buds sure don’t learn things the hard way like I did. I hope they find their match the first time and that’s all she wrote. That would make me happy.

Of course, I’ll be dead and buried before I know the end of their story, but hey, I can still have my romantic dreams too, right?

Fat Butt Chicks Shouldn’t Wear DD’S

Here's something I learned last night, fat butted chicks should not wear Daisy Dukes out in public. Please.

We stopped at a convenience store last night and this younger girl, maybe early 20's, came in wearing the tiniest little pair of shorts I've seen in a while, outside of pornos. Normally this is a reason for some happiness for me. The problem was, she was a bit overweight. OK, how about a LOT overweight. She had a giant sized butt with a ton or so of cottage cheese cellulite hanging out all over. Those shorts were so small that the bottoms of her cheesy butt were hanging (literally) out. They had to be uncomfortable because they were wedged into her butt hard.

The whole store just went silent and everyone stopped what they were doing to watch her. It really was an amazing sight.

I sort of felt bad for her but then again, she should have known how that looked. Maybe wanted the attention? Maybe she really didn't care?

I don't know, but it certainly was a horrible sight for a sober man.

Monday, August 08, 2005

Famous Final Words

Earlier tonight I was stopped at a 3 way stop in fairly heavy traffic. I was waiting for quite a while before a break on the right side came along. When I looked to the left, there was this Fireman/Rescue truck slowing down with his signal on, appearing like he was turning onto the road I was trying to exit. So I decided that I should go since there was a huge line behind him.

As I started out onto the road I said to Nicci “Well, if you can’t trust a Fireman who can you trust.” A natural reaction. Plus, he didn’t disappoint me and turned where he had signaled he would.

So now I’m in the road accelerating ready to pass another street on the right of me. It was one of those weird staggered streets that was very close to the one we just left. Within maybe 3-5 seconds we were right there. So just as I finished saying the “who can you trust” line I noticed out of the corner of my eye a BMW turning right at me to go into this new road. No turn signal, no apparent intention of slowing down to make the turn. Nope, just a solid, squealing left across our path. Without any hesitation the next words out of my mouth after ‘trust’ were, “I guess maybe BMW drivers.”

The idiot in the beamer just turned right into our path without looking and when she saw us, she hit the gas hard enough that she started going sideways. I couldn’t go left because there was too much traffic so I turned hard right and slammed the brakes. Luckily the BMW driver had done the right thing because the slide and acceleration caused her to basically do a donut right in front of us and then she just headed up the street. No fuss, no muss. The clearance between our cars couldn’t possibly have been enough to put your hand into.

Once I caught my breath and started on again, all I could think about was that my last words on this earth almost were “I guess maybe BMW drivers.” Somehow I hope that my last words are a bit more memorable than that. How lame can you get?

Carmen Sandiego? Pffftt!

Its official, I have Peachy withdraw. I came in this morning and realized that we have another whole week without Peachy. It’s not just that she takes these long-ass vacations, but she doesn’t write, doesn’t call, doesn’t even blog. Audio-blogging is easy! I’ll bet she doesn’t even think about us the whole time she’s away. It’s very disturbing.

I’ll bet she doesn’t even hook us up with any cool souvenirs. I would settle for one of those “My _____ went to _____ and all I got was this lousy t-shirt” shirts. At least then I would know she cared.

She’ll come back next week and tell us all her experiences and laugh and show us pics and never acknowledge that we missed her. That she totally abandoned us for 2 whole weeks! (I guess that’s what vacations are for though.)

1 more week. No cheery stories, no fun lunches, no silly laughing. Oh well. It will pass quickly. I hope. *sigh*

Saturday, August 06, 2005

BS Friday Answer

The BS Friday story I wrote was.... wait a second, I just want to say a few words about my day. Whew! Again, I know. More moving and packing. I did get to visit my Uncle at his home for a while today. I had to. They are letting me store some stuff in their basement plus I bummed his truck and appliance dollies. (He owns a furniture store, so he has all the cool moving equipment.)

Have I mentioned that he is out of the hospital? Maybe not. It's been a very hectic month and a half. He's out, btw, and doing well. He is still weak, but recovering. After being bedridden for 41 straight days, I'd be weak too.

That tree I mentioned in the audio post had to be seen to be believed. It was the tackiest thing I have ever seen. The guy who bought it when he was leaving was super happy about it too. One worker dude was clapping him on the back and said "A great day at Goodwill today!" and he yelled back "I got what I wanted plus a whole lot more!" No, I am not making that up. How could someone be that happy about a second hand, uber ugly plastic tree?

Today I noticed that my Jeep was almost due for an oil change again. I said something about how we had been running the piss out of it and Nicci said that it would be awesome if someone invented a car that ran off of piss. Now there's a thought. Imagine the exhaust smell. Yikes! I know one thing, I would invest heavily in Beer makers and bottled water companies. Those 2 really make you have to go a lot. I'd be rich!

OK, back to the BS Friday answer; it is a true story. One of my 'less savory' evenings, to be sure, but all true nontheless. I hope I haven't disappointed anyone.

Tomorrow more moving stuff and a home cooked meal with my Aunt and Uncle. Should be a good day. Have a great weekend everyone!
this is an audio post - click to play

Friday, August 05, 2005

My New Obsession

I may have a new obsession. Miss Charming Jones said that I could be obsessive over her since I'm having a hard time with the whole Sandy thing. I like the idea. The problem is that I know her for real as a friend. It's much more fun to obsess over someone you really will never meet. I have to think about it first.

She did say I could put a picture of her on the wall behind my desk. I wonder if she would mind if I posted it on the blog?

BS Friday

Welcome once again to BS Friday. The object is to write a story and see who can figure out if it is true or if it is false. My latest:

The recent story in the news about the student that was convicted of assault for puking on his teacher reminded me of the worst puking experience I can remember having. It was way back in the 80's when my roomate and I were known as the 'party boys'. Our apartment was filled every Friday and Saturday night with people partying who sometimes I didn't even know. It was quite the wild time.

One night I got my first taste of Sloe Gin. I was shocked when I tried it because it tasted so sweet and it could get me ripped. I didn't understand how something that tasted so good could be liquor. Needless to say, I overdid it a bit. I almost instantly started drinking it without even mixing it with anything. A recipe for disaster. We played drinking games like Mexican and Quarters and the whole time I used straight Sloe Gin. Dumb ass!

Not long into the evening, I was really feeling it. (This part had to be told to me. I don't remember it.) I was sitting on the couch when suddenly I decided I had to go somewhere. I don't know where. Now, my friends being good friends, decided that I shouldn't be going anywhere in my condition, but they also knew me well. I had a tendency to be combative and argumentative when I was way too far under the influence. So they allowed me to put my coat on like I was leaving and then delayed and coerced me into hanging around by feeding me more booze and constantly talking to me. Like I needed more gin! It worked. It did keep me there.

Soon I was slumped on the sofa, oblivious to the party. Luckily someone noticed that I started making noises like I was about to rowlf. It became apparent that I was going to hurl, but they couldn't get me moving toward a safe place so they did the next best thing, the put a barf bag on me. They used one of those plastic grocery bag, slid my arms through the straps so that it was up against my mouth and told me that if I had to puke, I was to remember to do it in the bag. I was a good little drunk and when I started puking, I actually used the bag. Many times. (I had to look like a horse with a feed bag strapped to its face.)

So there I was, slumped on my couch, a barf bag half filled strapped to my chest, my coat on me like I was travelling and totally oblivious to the party raging around me. Appaenntly I was quite the amusing attraction that night.

At some point after almost everybody had left, I awoke from the deep stupor and managed to realize what had happened. I got up, tied the bag straps together, walked outside and stuffed the puke bag into a skunk hole that the little stinkers had dug under the neighboring building. I did all that without spilling any puke or getting sprayed by a skunk. Then I went back in and slept for about 12 hours. The next day I was so sick that I couldn't even consider eating. I have never managed to even smell Sloe Gin without retching ever since.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

The Beautiful People

I just got back from lunch at Popeye's. My first trip to Popeye's for chicken. Good stuff! I went with Miss Charming Jones (remember her?) and I was amused to no end by the way guys act when she is around.

The restaurant is in a strip mall well within the city so it was quite busy. When we walked in, immediately 2 guys to the right noticed and I saw them just start staring. Suddenly their food wasn't so interesting. Then when we approached the counter, a tall guy that had watched her walk in hurriedly opened a previously closed register and when she was headed toward a different one, he called to her and told her he would help her. Sooo obvious!

As we waited after ordering, 2 construction guys came in and I saw the one nudge the other and nod toward Miss Jones. They immediately changed direction and got into the line behind us. Then one of them kneeled down, adjusting his shoe strings (uh huh), and stared at her butt that was now about 3 feet in front of him. When he glanced my way, I just tilted my head and gave him the raised eyeball treatment. He just shrugged and smiled a big cheesy grin.

Then Miss Jones noticed that her lunch had cost more than mine even though we had gotten the same thing. She questioned the 'newly opened register guy' about it and he told her that he had made a mistake on my order (mine was too cheap) but since she was asking, he would refund her the difference. He did, but suddenly the difference was bigger. Her lunch ended up being cheaper than mine. Personally, I thought that was cool, but only one of 'the beautiful people' could pull that off.

Next we were at a table near the window when a guy came by and literally stopped when he saw her, stared a few seconds, walked past and then returned for another look. Amazingly, he came back for a 3rd look and then decided he needed some lunch, so he came in, staring at Miss Jones almost the whole time he was inside.

Is this normal behavior? Is this how all the beautiful people are treated? More importantly, do women act this way toward hot looking guys too? I wonder.

Funny thing is, she knows it. I know she does because I asked her about it. She said she's just used to it. We started laughing about the Seinfeld episode where Jerry had a beautiful girlfriend that charmed her way through everything. Getting tickets to a supposedly sold out movie, getting out of a speeding ticket, etc.... She says she doesn't do stuff like that, but maybe she could. She told me that her old boss used to send her on errands to the Warehouse because she could always get those guys to go along with anything.

This all makes me wonder how I act around her. I don't think I'm goofy at all, but I will have to monitor myself to see. I sure hope not. To me, she's just a very charming, fun to know person. One who causes a fuss everwhere we go, which is very entertaining, but still....

It must be nice to be one of the beautiful people.

I Just Think It's Funny....

...that some people try to be so antagonistic towards bloggers for what they post. I was just visiting Kalani's blog and she referenced a big tadoo on Andi's blog (click this link for the whole story) about some guy getting all bent because bloggers aren't posting about 'important issues'. Is it just me or is it strange that people like to tell other people what they should or shouldn't consider are 'important issues'? I don't get that.

To me, Blogs are personal things. Whatever you want to write about, go for it! If someone visits and doesn't like what is there, they should just move on. There are a few million more out there and I'm sure a person could find something to their liking. Personally, I don't know that always hanging with people who think just like you do is a good idea anyway. How boring would that be? Unless of course you all started believing everthing I said and doing everything exactly the way I decided it should be done. Then the world would be a much better place. Everyone bent to my will! Imagine it! Ha ha ha ha ha!!!

Whew! Excuse me. I lost my mind just for a second there.

My point is, I like my blogger friends just fine and I think that whatever they post about is an 'important issue' since they chose to share it with me/us. Importance is relative. For those who think blogs should be something other than "Personal Web Logs" (which is what they are, btw) your opinion is noted. Now look to the top right corner of this "Personal Web Log" and click on that little 'Next Blog' button. Maybe you'll find whatever you're looking for there.

Thanks for sliding on by. :)

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

What Was For Lunch

OK, so a veggie sub from Subway was on the menu today. And before you start with the 'Jarod' comments, please don't. That guy is annoying. I think he must have been more likeable when he was a big ol chunk.

My friend went with me for moral support (and because she wanted the cookies). I don't blame her. Who can resist free chocolate chip cookies? Not me. But she was telling me how she is going to be at a taping of "Myth Busters" tonight. They are filming an episode where her Dad works. How cool is that? She gets to meet all the people and hang around while they film. I love that show.

So now I'm off to do some more work stuff. Stupid work, interfering again. I guess in my world, posting every hour is impossible. I remember when I tried this the last time I couldn't do it then. Oh well. Hasta la vista, baby.

What's For Lunch?

I'm finally back. Busy day indeed. I just calibrated a harness and condenser from -70 degrees C to 70 degrees C. For those of you who know what a Lyophilizer is, that may be interesting. For those who don't, sorry to bore you.

I just heard a radio playing the Guns & Roses version of "Knocking On Heaven's Door". I hate that sooo much. It sucks ass! I remember being so angry about that thing being played anywhere when it came out. Why do music execs. allow suck crappy versions of good songs to be released? I heard a bastardized country version of a Janis Joplin tune the other day at KFC. That really sucked too. Country singers doing covers of rock songs is (again, I know I've bitched about this subject before) a big pet peeve of mine. If country music is so great, why don't they just stick to their own stuff and leave the good stuff alone? Because most of that country crap sucks as it is, that's why.

Whew! Glad I got that off my chest. Next problem, what's for lunch?

First Hour Report

Nothing happening too exciting yet. I had my Starbuck's and a cuppa Seattle's Best Breakfast Blend already. I miss Peachy who is away for 2 weeks. When one of your work buds goes on vacation, it's tough. But for 2 weeks? Brutal!

I'm starting to get caught up on blogging, but stupid work interferes. I will visit everyone today at some point.

Did anyone hear what they are calling that guy who is hanging outside the shuttle and trying to fix the broken cloth thing? They called him a "Space Handyman". Now there is a cool title. I want that job.

And how about this guy? One would think an old guy would have more sense than that not to mention having illegal pictures developed by a photo processing lab. Luckily most deviants are pretty stupid and they do get caught. Dumb-ass!

Porn Pics Get Scoutmaster In Trouble
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
The Associated Press

BALTIMORE (AP) - An Annapolis man who's been active for years with the Boy Scouts is under arrest in Baltimore for allegedly taking nude photographs of a nine-year-old girl.

Seventy-nine-year-old Stanley Taylor is charged with child pornography-related charges, sexual abuse of a minor and second-degree assault.

He has been suspended from his paid position with the Boy Scouts, where he served most recently as a Scoutmaster in Baltimore's low-income Westport neighborhood.

Police were told about the pictures by a clerk at a photo processing lab in Washington County.

Authorities say the photos were taken in a van parked at a Wal-Mart in South Baltimore.

Police say Taylor also was a volunteer with the Girl Scouts in the Westport area.


Blogiversary Day & New Poll

So today is the big day. This blog is officially 1 year old today. The whole blog experience has turned out to be quite different than I had expected. Mostly positive. There are some really cool people out there! (Check my links for those.) Thanks to all of the neato people I've met who have encouraged me to keep this thing going. Special thanks to Karen for the inspiration in the first place.

As a blogiversary special, I will make an attempt to use Saurabh's suggestion and do a play by play account of my day. I did this once before and it did turn out to be interesting. We'll see how it goes. Sorry Ian, I just couldn't face the day without Starbuck's. My co-workers will be happy about that.

Anyway, here are the latest Poll results. Looks like we are a bunch of sex loving social animals, eh? Those are the 2 I voted for too. There was 1 person who really is addicted to blogging. The new Poll will be posted shortly. It's a personal one. Could be fun.

What would you prefer to do with a lazy, free Saturday afternoon?

Have friends over for a cookout. 11 votes
Play video/computer games all day. 4 votes
Something/anything outdoors. 5 votes
Have a picnic with your sweetie. 6 votes
Stay in and have sex all afternoon. 16 votes
Go on an adventure, like a spontaneous roadtrip. 7 votes
Home improvemnet stuff. 2 votes
Go shopping. 3 votes
Spend quality time with family. 4 votes
Blog all day. 1 vote

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

A New Way To Hit Baseballs

This morning I heard a bit of Jay Leno talking about Rafael Palmeiro being caught using steroids. He said that Palmiero is using steroids and is also a spokesperson for Viagra, (which is true). Now that he’s using both, he doesn’t need to use a bat.

It’s afternoon and that line is still cracking me up.

Do Heads Have Muscles?

I have a friend who was sick last week. She had something wrong with her that wouldn't allow her to breathe right and her neck was stiff. When the Doctor diagnosed her ailment, he said she had a "sprained head muscle".

WTF is a sprained head muscle? I have never heard of that one. I thought when you hurt your head it was more of a bonk or a bump. A sprained head muscle sounds like something from a Steve Martin movie.

Blogger Linker

I finally fixed up my blog links. I am no longer just a blogger lurker but am now a blogger linker to some of you. I know, for some, it's been a long awaited thing and now you will be so totally excited that you won't know what to do with yourselves today. Calm down, OK? (Yes, that was supposed to be funny. Is it too early?)

I expect I've missed someone still, so when I realize it, I'll fix that too.

Question Of The Morning

What does it mean when you wake up with a Grateful Dead song in your head? I never listen to the Dead anymore. Now I’m afraid!

“Drivin that train, high on cocaine...."

Monday, August 01, 2005

Blogiversary Time For YB

OK everyone, my one year Blogiversary is on Wednesday! I actually made it 1 whole year. Here's the problem, I want to do something special for that day, but I'm drawing a blank. So I'm opening the floor for suggestions. Anything you want to know or want me to post about, leave me a comment. I will attempt to make it worth your while. It could be fun.

I can't believe my first anniversary is almost here! How cool!

Whaddaya Know About That?

Rafael Palmeiro got busted for using steroids. I thought for sure he was a clean. He says he didn't know they were in whatever it was he was taking, but now there will always be doubt. Too bad. It getting very obvious that the problem is a lot worse than they had originally thought.

It's The Simple Things...

You know what's funny about having a loved one in the hospital for a prolonged length of time? The way normal, everyday things seem like great accomplishments. For example, my Uncle has been in a hospital bed for nearly 6 weeks now. These days he's getting much better and will be out soon. But being bed-ridden causes normal bodily functions to slow down, sometimes shut down.

Recently Nicci and I were driving home discussing how great it was that he finally had a bowel movement. For him, it was a great accomplishment. But when I realized what it was we were so happy about, I just started laughing out loud. How did taking a poop become such an earth-shattering event? "Yay! He had a poopie!"

Weird days indeed. Sheesh!