YB's Screwey World

My world is getting weirder than I ever could have imagined. I have been doing things I swore I would never let myself sink to doing. Ever. I promised myself early in life that it wouldn't happen. Now it's here and somehow I didn't even notice it coming on.

I have been domesticated.

Yeah yeah, I know I've mentioned many domestic type things I've been up to in recent years. I'm even pretty good at some of them, like home improvement stuff. But with every thing I do, I do tend to fight against the tide. Just ask Nicci. ;)

Here's the latest head-trip. On Saturday Nicci and I escorted her son and his girlfriend to a fancy restaurant and then to a movie. It was the girlfriend's sweet 16th birthday and the boy sure did spoil her. We got dressed in the appropriate attire (read: annoying fancy clothes) and picked her up at her house. Naturally we couldn't leave right away. We had to get out of the car and talk to the other parents for a while. Then they had to take pictures. Lots of pictures. I can understand that though. A girl's sweet sixteenth only happens once.

We went ahead to the restaurant where we had pre-arranged for separate tables in separate rooms. Nicci didn't want to interfere with the 2 sweethearts. But of course, she managed to get a table within discreet viewing distance of them. :)

I couldn't complain about the restaurant. It was awesome. Then we left and went to the theatre where we again separated and saw different movies. For the record; do not go to see The Matador. It really isn't very good. I love Pierce Brosnan, but this isn't one of his best. Afterward we took the girl home and tried our best not to watch him kiss her goodnight. At least I didn't want to see that.

The ride home was 'recap of the evening' time. That in itself was annoying, but I survived. The whole thing is a bit surreal for me now. I just can't believe I was there. It just does not seem possible that I was the one in that whole scene.

Here's some insight into my psyche. I never wanted to own a house; it's too permanent. I never wanted to be married; it's too restricting. I never wanted kids; too much responsibility. I never wanted to be in a situation where I felt like a typical American married person. I never respected that type of lifestyle. I always swore that I would keep myself in a position in life where I could just pick up and take off at a moments notice. Now look at me. I blew it.

I've been domesticated.

I sometimes don't let it bother me. But I sometimes feel it so strongly that I want to scream. Sometimes I scream. Usually I just try to roll with it all. Mostly I think I'm giving up and succumbing to the inevitable. I'm "feeling the effects of mortal souls", so to speak. I think I might be the type to have one or two or more mid-life crises. I can see how that happens now.

I sure do wish I could manage to find a place where I am comfortable all the time. I constantly feel like I live between worlds. One that I wanted and one that I am actually in. How do people get comfortable with their lives? I sure don’t know how to. Any advice out there?