One night I went to pick G up at his house for another night out. (What else?) When I got to his place, he was busy with wrapping blocks of cream cheese in baggies, getting then ready for transport. I asked what they were for, but all he would say was "You'll see." The familiar glint of evil was in his eye as he said that, so I knew tonight was going to be another unique evening.
As we headed out, with cream cheese blocks in the back seat, G explained to me that there were a few 'establishments' that had been pissing him off lately and he decided he needed to teach them a lesson. Hence the cheese. *I should mention that this happened in the middle of Winter and it was super friggin cold outside.
When we got to what turned out to be the first of 5 stops, G grabbed 4 blocks of cream cheese, handed 2 to me, stuffed 2 into his pockets and smiling cheesily, we went inside. After getting situated at the bar and starting on our brews, G took out the first block of cheese, unwrapped it, calmly walked along the wall behind the bar and quickly, with amazing speed, stuffed it into the heater. The heaters in this place were the kind suspended from the ceiling. They had piping going into the top which must have supplied the heat source and had a fan attached to the back of a big rectangular box. A perfect recepticle for a cream cheese bomb.
During the next hour, G managed to add cheese bombs to all 4 heaters in the 4 corners of the place without anyone but me noticing. Pretty slick. Once the mission was completed and the beers were done, we saddled up and headed out to the next place that had pissed G off. Along the way he explained that the cream cheese rots quickly, especially in a warmer environment, and that within a few days the whole place would smell so bad no one would be able to stand it. A diabolical plan, to be sure. But I'd come to expect no less.
The next place had a different heat system, but G managed to improvise well. It was an older building downtown with forced air and he had to take the grates off the wall to install the cream cheese bombs, but it wasn't a problem. (He had with him one of those Leatherman Tools.) One grate was in the restroom, the others were in the main room and took some stealth, but his determination paid off. Then we moved on.
This pattern continued until we had bombed all 5 places and had consumed mass quantities of beer. By the end of the mission, we were hammered and silly and G was thoroughly pleased with himself once again. We then went back to the original bar where the plan had started, walked in and immediately had to turn around and leave, laughing hysterically. The smell wasn't rude yet, but the odor of cream cheese was strong. I guess his plan of revenge was working.
I never went back to see if the stink got as bad as G said it would. He claimed he went to all 5 places and it was pretty rank. I believe he did. You know the old saying, the criminal always returns to the scene of the crime.
Just another episode in the life of G.
7 comments:
That was mean. It takes guts to pull something like that off. All I can say is "I'm glad I never pissed G off.".
Another funny G story. I can't believe he actually did that. He is a character for sure.
Another funny G story. I can't believe he actually did that. He is a character for sure.
Another funny G story. I can't believe he actually did that. He is a character for sure.
Peachy, you're stuttering!
I never heard of cream cheesing before. I always toilet papered people's houses and then sprayed the tp down with water. How evil. I wish I would of thought of something like that. I don't know if I would have the balls to excute the plan though.
I do know that any thing with cream can go rancid and fast. I was hit in the face with whipped cream several times on my birthday while I was in Culinary school. I couldn't leave after it happened. By the time I got home I felt as if someone had dumped rotten milk into my clothes. I can't imagine what a heater would have done to me. Yuck!
Just out of curiosity if he had gotten caught what kind of charge do you think they would have brought against you guys? Criminal Mischief? I would also like to know what the establishments did to offend G so much.
Nina, I don't know what would have happened if G were caught. I guess I would have been an accessory or something since I did have some stuff in my pockets.
Why was he pissed at these places enough to stink them up? I really don't know. The one place was sort of higher classed and he did say the bartender had treated him rudely. That's all I remember about his reasoning. He really didn't need too much of a reason to do anything.
Funny the stuff you do when you're young and drunk.
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