I’m starting to notice a disturbing pattern with my *secret* crushes. This all is fresh in my mind now that Sandra Bullock is hanging with Jesse James. Separately they are interesting people, but as a couple, they seem quite the odd pairing. Just how does this in any way affect me you say? Well, here’s the thing.
When I was a kid, I was in love with Kate Jackson. (Yes, Kate Jackson.) Suddenly, from out of nowhere, she hooks up with weird guy Andrew Stevens. That was hard to take. I thought she should have done way better than that.
Next in line was my love affair with Courteney Cox. For me, there was never a more beautiful babe ever! Then, from out of nowhere, she hooks up with weird guy David Arquette. Tell me that’s not an odd couple! Sheesh!
Most recently I’ve fallen for Eva Longoria. What a babe! But just yesterday I saw a picture of her with J.C Chasez from ‘N Sync infamy. WTF? No one from ‘N Sync should still be allowed out in public, especially with someone like Eva.
Seems like every time I decide to be in love with a celebrity babe, they get something screwey in their brains and end up with weird guys. Maybe I should consider being celibate in my fantasy life. Or maybe (insert evil, diabolical laugh here) I could use this power to some advantage.
I think I’ll develop a crush on say… Bette Midler. Granted, that would be seriously tough to do, but then she would hook up with someone like… Mike Tyson! Every time she opened that big mouth of hers old Iron Mike could bite off some body part and shut her up.
Maybe I’ll develop a crush on say… Celine Dion. This would be very hard to do, but then she would hook up with maybe… Marilyn Manson! Can you imagine the media frenzy when she shows up on the red carpet wearing a dress made just of chains and a g-string only? (A la Rose McGowan) Sweet!
Yeah, maybe I need to re-think my use of this new found power I have. Why did it take me so long to realize I could use it for good rather than evil? I could have saved Sandy, Kate and Courteney. Maybe it’s not too late for Eva.
4 comments:
I think because they're famous they can choose anyone they want to date. So..why not date a weirdo and see what happens. When they come to their senses, they can go back to the good looking, perfectly "normal" movie stars.
That's what I think they do when it's fashion show time. They try to set a trend by wearing some weirdo outfits that cost 3000 dollars a thread, but normally they just like to wear jeans and tshirts from the Gap.
LOL! You kill me, Bob! But now I have two questions. Since you're now a superhero of sorts, what's your superhero name? And the big question -- what does your uniform look like? Will you don a cape and tights before making celebs fall for weirdos?
Get out your video camera.
Take a movie of Nicci.
Play it on your tv.
Now develop a crush on your new tv 'star'.
And guess what?
You GET TO HOOK UP WITH THIS ONE!!!!! :) LOL.
OK Meritt, are you saying that Nicci would get stuck with me as the weird guy? That would be a pity.
Hey, wait a minute.....
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