Today I went shopping. Yep, the worst day possible in the entire year and I ended up going. Weak ass me, I'm a follower sometimes. I got suckered into it by the old "We'll just make this one quick stop" story. Oh well, that's me, Bob The Gullible.
Aside from the fact that the 'one quick stop' turned into 'the 7 semi-long to long stops', the day really wasn't that bad. I expected the shoppers to be swarming the stores, but they weren't. At least where we went, it wasn't too crowded. Maybe we went to some sucky stores but we didn't realize it.
At one point we went to a Hanes outlet. Nicci needed something there that her mother had asked for (not a Christmas thing) so we went. I highly recommend a trip to this store. It's a different world in the Hanes universe. I've never been in a place where the expected masculine fantasies could be trashed so quickly and completely. It's an underwear store for craps sake, but the clientele were almost all really old ladies or very young girls. Very disappointing. But entertaining they were.
There were two really old women discussing the merits of the thigh high nylons on their sex life. One woman was fairly explicit about her man not needing viagara when she 'traipsed around in nothin else'. She had to be 70 years old! Go Grandma!
Then there was the young teen girl trying to help her Mom decide on the color of her undergarments for some kind of date. The girl was maybe 14? The Mom was 40 going on 14 and, shall we say, a bit on the hefty side. At one point she asked the girl if she thought the black would help her look thinner. The girl just looked at her and laughed. Then she said "Mom, just give it up. Wear the red." Then she walked away still laughing. Weird thing for the two of them to be talking about.
A little later we went to visit a friend at her coffee shop. After visiting a while, some guy came in who was nicely obnoxious. He was playfully flirting with our friend, asking for her recommendations and making slightly off-color jokes, then he went to the restroom. Once he came back out, that's when he really got rolling. He started asking us if we ever saw the Seinfeld episode where George experienced 'shrinkage' after being in the pool. He claimed that the restroom was so cold he ended up peeing down his leg due to the shrinkage. Later he did say he 'almost' peed down his leg, but the image was still there for me and I thought his time to leave was well overdue. Who talks to complete strangers like that? He looked normal enough. Of course, come to think of it, I guess I look normal too. Hmm, hadn't thought of that before.
Well, this is longer than I wanted. I haven't even recorded all the day's adventures. I'll try to get more in tomorrow. There were many. I tend to watch the people around me constantly when I'm out and about. The shopping is kind of boring, but the shoppers provide for tons of free entertainment.
Oh, and if you're hungry, I highly recommend Chipolte. We went there and it was great!
3 comments:
LOL... great observations. I stayed in my own home today.... but your entry was colorful enough to easily envision I was right there in the Hanes outlet and coffee shop with you and Nicci. Guess I didn't miss a thing.
I got irritated just driving past the mall and seeing the line of cars getting off the freeway.
I plan to do as much shopping as possible online this year. People in malls have a tendency to irritate me on normal, non-holiday-insanity-shopping days.
But, we will be near an outlet mall next Saturday. I will definately look for a Hanes store and venture in if I find one!
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