Today's Mall Adventures

It really wasn’t so bad going to the mall. There weren’t any huge crowds. I thought this weekend would be worse for shopping, but it isn’t what it’s been in the past.

The family thing went well. The only weird part of shopping with older folks is all the rest stops you have to take. Otherwise, It was fun. We didn’t spend much, but we did manage to take care of quite a few gifts for family.

I noticed a few things today that I’m not sure I’ve noticed before. Like how Yankee hats have become a fashion statement. Of course I don’t mind seeing Yankee hats, but I have to doubt that all the ones I saw were worn by fans. There were so many colors, light blue, orange and even pink. I don’t know about pink. Most of the colored ones were worn by younger women types and they coordinated with their outfits. Makes me doubt the fandom. The pink one was worn by a tall black man in a baby blue sweat suit. I guess he likes pastels?

I also noticed that the new cool thing is to carry water bottles and wear athletic type clothes. Is this new or have I been unaware? But you could tell the people who wore the athletic stuff and were athletes of some sort. They not only looked the part physically, but they moved with confidence and weren’t at all interested in who was checking them out in their cool clothes. The majority of the jock wannabes were so concerned about their look and who noticed them it actually was funny. They had that swivel headed giggly disease. The difference was pretty obvious.

I want to know if there has ever been any couple who could walk gracefully when their arms were wrapped around each other? It looks like it should be easy, but with one person’s arm across the shoulder and the other person’s around the waist, it just sucks. And it looks sucky. I saw a few teenage couples walking this way, but they didn’t look comfortable, especially when they were out of step. Being in step would have helped. Older couples have learned their lessons. It's holding hands or walking arm in arm.

And speaking of being in step, I saw one young girl walking wearing flip-flops but only her toes were staying on the rubber sole. The bottom of the flip-flops were twisted outwardly and her heels were hitting the floor most every step. How weird that looked. Plus, it was pretty cold out. How did she not freeze her feet?

At one point we went into a store called Claire’s. This place isn’t meant for guys to go into. And this one in particular was a mess. The area around the outside edge was stocked with merchandise, but the whole center of the store was cardboard boxes of unpacked stuff. You felt like cattle being led through a chute, slowly going around the store to certain doom. It was weird. Almost like we were touring their warehouse of unpacked items. “And here to your right you’ll see this fine corrugated container of beautiful cheap ass costume jewelry… oops, I mean fine authentic imitation diamond hair clips.”

We went into Hecht’s at one point for something and when we got to the line a really nice clerk tried to wait on us. She was soft spoken with a nice Spanish sounding type accent. She was very helpful. Suddenly, from off to my right, some woman who looked quite a bit like Mrs. Thurston Howell III from Gilligans Island bumps into me and starts insisting that the nice clerk do some price checks for her immediately. (She had several items with her.) She claimed she had no time for waiting and would have to leave the store if she didn’t get help soon. She kept insisting and acting like an ass so much that the poor clerk was getting flustered, so I told her to go ahead and take care of Ms. Impatient first. Mrs. Howell looked at me and asked what I had called her and I just said (in my best Thurston Howell III voice) “Nothing Lovey. Just go right on ahead. I can wait.” At this point Nicci walked away laughing and the pushy woman just shut up. The clerk just looked stunned. It was fun.

I heard this song today: “Everybody’s doin it doin it, picking their nose and chewin it chewin it, yeah everybody’s doin…..” A few kids (5) outside the Dairy Queen were singing this song as loud as they could. Their parents were right there laughing along with them. This one’s a classic I remember from my childhood.

And have you noticed how rough the ice cream crowd can be? When it’s time for ice cream, you sure don’t want to get in some peoples way. I had one person force her way ahead in the line and several attempt it. The one I let go was an elderly lady who probably felt like time for her is short, so she deserves to get going quicker than the rest of us. I let it go. The way people were acting there, you would think this was the last stash of ice cream on the planet and these people were ice cream junkies. Sheesh!

I also noticed that the majority of Mall Jewelry Store Clerks appear to be middle aged women with dyed hair and heavy makeup. They wear very tight clothes hugging not so tight bodies and have about 80 pieces of jewelry on themselves. Like a walking billboard. It’s kind of a brassy look. Like she’s trying to appear much younger than she is. Problem is when a guy sees this advertisement, he’ll immediately picture his girl when she’s in her 40’s and looking like the clerk. No one wants to think that way. That can’t be good for business. The guy who envisions that one isn’t going to buy jewelry, not if his relationship is serious.

The most important thing I noticed today was something I already knew; if I’m not warned many days in advance of an impending shopping excursion, I’m not mentally prepared for it and I don’t like it. I was bored within the first 15 minutes, so I started watching the people. I do get some good entertainment from that. How do people who shop all the time stand it? It's sure not for me.