All Babies Are Beautiful?

They say all babies are beautiful.





I have always had a different opinion about that.

BS Friday Answer

Time for the truth about the BS Friday story. The truth is..... it is mostly a big fat lie. Some elements are true but mostly it’s not.

The first 4 paragraphs are true. The cliques and the plan to broadcast something funny did happen. We just never got around to it.

The part about the stripper party was semi-true. It happened but we weren’t there. The Teacher sleeping with the ex-student who was a stripper was a big rumor mostly because he did get busted with another Teacher. His wife was also the Art teacher I referred to. I benefited from her husband being a butthead, but that is a story for another day.

One other thing, somewhere in all my old junk around here is one of the autographed pictures that the stripper girl signed for “The Boys in the Lounge”. That is how she signed it. My sister knew her. She said the girl graduated 2 years ahead of her. I haven’t thought about that pic. for a long time. Who knows, maybe she’s a famous porn star now? I could sell it for a few bucks. If I can find it again.

Thanks to everyone who played along.

Flip, Pick & Riff

Tagged by Ian



1. flip open a dictionary and point to a word.
2. type the word into google images.
3. pick an image that strikes you.
4. write a 10 line riff off the image.
5. use the word or the meaning of the word at least once within the first 5 lines of your riff.
6. tag 3 other bloggers on your list.






I know she's trouble.
Still, I can't resist.
I see the twist in her soul like it is in her image.
There is no turning back.
The claws are out.
I'll feel them soon enough.
The cruel reality is that I want to feel it.
If not for love, for just the feeling of living again.
She's been worse to better than I.
Soon it will be me in her grasp.



I tag - the first three people to read this and leave me a comment on it.... (Thanks for that idea Ian.)

Welcome To BS Friday

Welcome once again to BS Friday. You know the drill, I write it, you try to guess if it’s real or just plain old BS. Today’s post is called: Too Much Information


When I was in High School, I was a bit of an oddball. Not the weird kind. The kind that didn’t fit into any one clique but fit into almost any clique at the same time. I played on the Baseball Team and the Tennis team, which got me in with the Jocks Clique. I was a Chess team member and was in all the advanced classes, which got me into the Geek Clique. I was from a very poor family in a very bad part of town, which got me in with the scumbag/stoner/roughneck Clique. You know those people, they are the Clique that despised cliques in general.

The one clique that almost everyone remembers me for is the Artist Clique. All through school, starting at a very young age, I was known as an Artist. That was the group I liked best too. They were the most creative and the most unpredictable. Even more unpredictable than the stoners and scumbags.

One day at school I was hanging with a few artsy friends in the school auditorium. We were the Stage and Lighting crew for any plays and concerts that would be done by whichever group would be scheduled that week. Most of us were in those groups too (I was in Glee Club, go ahead and laugh.) so the crew was kinda large to make sure every show was covered.

This particular day one of the techno geeks was there and he started demonstrating his new toy for tapping into the school announcement system. He could plug into almost any audio jack available and transmit anything he wanted to. Keep in mind, this was 1981 and it was a big deal to figure out stuff like that back then. Naturally we decided we needed to shake things up a bit with this newfound super-power. The problem was, we couldn’t decide what we would have to broadcast over the entire school audio system. Some argued for loud music. Some argued for dirty jokes. Some wanted to do a made up public service announcement. The notion then came around that it would be really cool to record one of the Teachers or even the Principal in a conversation that was, hopefully, embarrassing to them. That would be the ultimate choice. Now we just had to figure out who and what and how we were going to get this recording. Also keep in mind that cassette tapes were fairly new then too and those little recorders were rare.

We decided that it would be best to bug the Teacher’s Lounge to get some good stuff. So, being the trusted geeks we were (which meant one of us usually had a key to anywhere in the school at some point) we coordinated our efforts and managed to plant 3 microphones in the lounge with three remote recorders going. Of course, they had to be manually started and stopped so we had to plan carefully. During one afternoon of taping a small group of men teachers we hit the jackpot. They were talking about having a stripper come into the school and do a little show for them for one teacher’s birthday. The best part was that the girl had graduated from the school a few years before. We were psyched!

On the night of the strippers arrival, we all were in attendance. It was a Saturday night and the school was supposed to be closed. It was hard to fit 11 guys around the “peeking” area that was available. We had made a few minor adjustments to the drop ceiling so we could see and hear what was happening. The teachers were drinking and rowdy and it was hard for us students to hole back our laughter. Finally the stripper showed up. We became deadly serious and had our tapes running. I didn’t recognize her but a couple of the other guys did. She began the usual flirtation and dancing and then off came the clothes. She was hottt! The guest of honor got some special attention. She hung around doing naked things for about a half hour, then she kissed each one of the guys in attendance. I have since learned that they don’t do that anymore. She even signed a few pics for them before she left. As she was leaving she turned and asked Mr. Birthday guy if he was coming along. She had promised a special night for him and she wanted to pay up.

We couldn’t believe what we were seeing. The party continued in the room for a while. A couple of our guys snuck out to follow the teacher and the stripper. It turned out that she took him to his car and did him in the back seat! Apparently she had a thing for this teacher when she was in school or something.

Later that night we all got together. I admit to being mildly in shock. I think a few of us were. That Teacher was not only a popular one but his wife was an Art teacher in the school. She was maybe the most popular Teacher there. We had gotten more info than we had bargained for. None of us we ready to broadcast what we had seen and heard.

On Monday we decided we would just forget the whole idea. It had lost it’s fun now. I never looked at that Teacher the same way again nor could I help but feel bad for Mrs. Birthday boy. (That didn’t last long but the reason is a story for another time.)

Sometimes you do get more than you bargained for, even when it’s supposed to be just for fun.

The Time Of My Life

Last night I was going through my 'storage' room in the basement. (It's the room that is full of stuff stored until the flooded area is fixed.) While going through looking for something I came across my old 12 string guitar and decided I had to play it for a bit.

I got it out, opened the case and when I touched it to take it out I had one of those movie moments where a thousand memories fly through your mind once you touch something from your past. It was weird but really cool. I remembered recording sessions with the 12 string, I remembered music lessons from a friend who is long ago passed away, I remember frustration in trying to learn how to tune the darn thing. I remembered a lot. Almost in an instant.

I sat down and tuned the guitar. It really wasn't too badly out of tune for all the time it's been sitting. Amazingly, when I started playing, I remembered a lot of the old songs. Songs G and I wrote and recorded. Songs I taught myself, like Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd. Some stuff I could only remember parts of. I played for about an hour, but my hand started hurting too much to continue. I'm way too much out of practice for a 12 string.

Then I sat there and let the memories flow through my brain. I remembered the day I brought that 12 string home. G laughed at me and told me I was into self torture. It was 1989 and I had just recently started learning to play. Here I was taking on this instrument. I remembered so many things and when I thought about it. I felt happy and sad at the same time. So much happened after I bought that thing. So many people in and out of my life. So much good to remember and so little sad.

Then I had this thought, what if I never am that happy again? I realized that I was much happier with life back then than I ever had been and have ever been since. I didn't know it at the time, but those were the times of my life. Maybe. Then I got worried. I don't want to have to look back at another era and remember being so content with life. I sure would like to feel that way now. I don't.

I can't claim to be unhappy now. I have a good life. But I think I know that something is missing and the thing is, once you've had a period where you are really settled and happy and enjoy a lot of your days, it's really hard to have a lesser existance and be satisfied. Maybe that's why I am never satisfied with life anymore. Maybe I've already had my moment in the sun. Maybe I've already had the time of my life.

I sure hope not.

I think this will be a melancholy kind of day.

Today's Fun Fact

In 1951, Miss Sweden was 5 feet 7 inches tall and weighed 151 pounds. Miss Sweden in 1983 was 2 inches taller and weighed 45 pounds lighter.

Things that make you go hmmm.....

Kid Haters

Yesterday I was talking with one of my new co-workers and she was telling me about these neighbors she has. They hate kids. They are an old couple, in their 90's, and they hate kids. They have never had kids and they have never wanted them.

I know a lot of people say that. Most just shirk the responsibility of kids, a lot simply don't want to be around them. Some very few truely hate kids. These people are in that catagory.

Here's the proof. First, they keep a rolled up hose out on their front porch and when the kids are heading home, the old lady goes outside and sprays any kid that gets 'too close' to her yard.

They have never allowed one child into their home. Their siblings and friends who have kids stopped coming by a long time ago because they won't allow kids even into the yard. They also always start bitching at anyone who has kids because they don't understand why they have them.

The real proof is this; they put into their wills that when they are gone their house can not be sold to anyone who has kids. If there is a child in the family, the home is not for sale. If the woman is pregnant, she can't move in.

That is some serious kid-hating.

I don't know how that part in the will can ever be enforced, but it does prove their hatred for kids. I am sure I've never even heard of people like that. The whole thing is a little scary.

Momma's, don't let you kids walk past that house. They might end up soaked by the old lady or worse. Who knows what someone like that is capable of?

The World's Shortest Personality Test

I snagged this from Peachy who snagged it from Cindy Lou who, ah... never mind. You get it.

Your Personality Profile

You are funky, outdoorsy, and down to earth. While you may not be a total hippie... You're definitely one of the most free spirited people around. You are very impulsive - every day is a new adventure. However, you do put some thought behind all your actions. Still, you do tend to shock and offend people from time to time!

The World's Shortest Personality Test

Frankenstein Trucks Are Real!

I'm back! I didn't have time this morning for a blog session. Nicci is sick and I had to make sure she was OK before I went to work. Sorry but some things take precedence over the blog. Shocking, I know!

The second day was about the same as the first. Nothing too interesting to tell. But of course, here's something weird...

On the way home I got behind this super slow poke driver in an old beat up Ford truck. One of those little ones. As I followed him I noticed that his cap would wobble kinda funny when he hit a bump. When he turned a corner, it leaned way over. More so than the truck. Naturally I had to investigate.

Since he was such a slowpoke, I just ran up close to his bumper and there was the answer. He had attached that cap to the bed by screwing some of those hydraulic type of things to the bumper. They were those things that hold a window up or some small car hoods open. The top was screwed into the cap and the bottom was screwed onto the bumper. It did not look safe.

Soon I got to look more closely and I saw that the cap was actually parts from several caps put together. The back window was even an old screen door window cut to size. (Yes, I am serious!) I had to see more so I passed him the first chance I got and checked out his handy-work as I went by. That cap looked like a version of Frankenstein made for trucks. And it wobbled the whole time. He had attached the front of it the same way, with those hydraulic things.

I got to see the driver and I wasn't surprised. He looked to be about 105 years old and like he was a total do-it-yourselfer. Including his clothes and that weird hat he had on. It looked like an old straw farmer's hat but the top was gone. His head was sticking out of it. He had these huge knuckles that he gripped the wheel with so tight they were white. As I went by, he looked over and nodded. One of those quick, one nod kinda nods. So I nodded back.

After seeing the rest of the truck and all the beautiful engineering that went into it's design, I was happy that I had passed him. I was sure that parts of the thing were just going to start flying off and I didn't want to be behind him when they did.

It was easily the weirdest conglomeration I've seen on the road. But it did make me smile. For that (and for getting by him safely) I am grateful. :)

Culture Shock

I just finished my first day at the new job. I think I am in culture shock. Everyone there is very positive. They are very laid back despite all the work required in starting up a new facility and they seem pretty OK to work with so far. I'm not used to that. I really liked where I was before this but the atmosphere was totally different. Not one positive vibe could be found in the place.

Sure, I seriously miss a couple people (Peachy & Spacebrain are all that's left there) but I don't miss the gloom and doom feeling.

There is a lot to do and the professionalism of my co-workers makes me feel very sure we will get it all done on schedule. I hope the second day is as smooth as the first.

Funny thing though, I am already sure that I will be leaving this job once everything is up and running well. Probably a 2 year stop is all it is. I feel like I won't be there any more than that. I'm not really sure why, but that is my first impression.

Who knows? Maybe I'll end up retiring from there. That's how my first impressions usually are anyway. So far from accurate.

It was a long day though. I first went and had to have a tetnus shot. Then they did a TB test. So on my left arm there are now 3 holes put there since last Thursday when they drew blood during my physical. They are making me into a pin cushion.

I did find myself wondering how my old friends were making out today. Peachy called me in the afternoon and we talkes for a whiole. (That was awesome. Thanks Peachy.) I guess I feel like I left them down a little.

So all in all, it was a good day. No feelings of wishing I wasn't there. No regrets. I guess today was a success. Hopefully the next one will be a success too. Isn't that all we can ever hope for anyway?

A New Type Of Monday

Very soon I'll be leaving for the new job. I am OK with starting at a new place. It really doesn't bother me too much. The part of missing old friends at the old place does bug me. I hope the new place isn't full of butt-heads.

The no blogging thing will be hard too. There will be some withdraw there for sure.

I hope everyone has a great day and I'll be checking in later tonight. Just for fun I'm posting a few more of my favorite dumb jokes. Yes, I love them even if they are goofy. I'm a little goofy too sometimes.




How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path

How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It

What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroids

What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick

What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese

What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk

What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite

What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck


Have a great day! :)

BS Friday Answer

OK, I'm back. The trip to Colonial Williamsburg was great! We toured Williamsburg, Jamestown and Yorktown while we there. Also the Williamsburg Winery, which was a highlight. It was a kick-ass trip. If anyone hasn't been to this area to suck up the amazing amount of American history available there, I totally recommend it. You won't be sorry.

As for the BS Friday story, it was false. A total lie. Sorry to disappoint those of you who consider me an angel and all, but I do lie sometimes. ;)

One truthful part of the story is that I do know a guy like that. He was even half-killed by a stripper's bodyguard at a bachelor party once. He touched the girl. Dumbass. But the truth is, I don't hang with someone I can't stand and just knowing he was in the same town gritted on me, so I never witnessed anything but that one incident.

Now for the bad news. I won't be blogging from work anymore. I read the info from the new job and it specifically states what can and can't be done with the work computers. Blogging and anything not work related are disallowed. I'll be an early morning and evening blogger for now. Hopefully I'll get into a good routine. I guess I was spoiled at the last job. I've made a lot of good blogger buds and I don't intend on losing any. Bear with me until I get used to the new hours and get into the new schedule.

OK, now it's time to see what you've all been up to while I was away.....

BS Friday (A Little Early)

Welcome to BS Friday. You know the drill, I’ll write it and you tell me if it’s real or just BS.

(I have to post this now because I don’t think I’m going to have the chance tomorrow. Plus, you get a longer time to think about it since I’ll be away until Sunday afternoon.)

This weeks post is called: Quit While You Are Behind

I am always amazed at the recuperative abilities of the human body. It really can heal itself quickly. One time in particular comes to mind.

I was out with friends one night and this guy we knew showed up that wasn’t really invited. You see he was a big mouth. He was also constantly wired somehow and never shut up. On top of that, he was just plain old obnoxious. No one invited him out because after a few brews, he was got completely out of control. Scary out of control.

This night just happened to be a bad time for that. We all met at a local bar before going to a strip club just over the state line. He caught us as we were finishing our last pre-trip beers. Naturally, he invited himself along.

When we got into the strip club we all got some liquid refreshment and squeezed up to the raised dance floor. Everything was going OK until big mouth got a few beers in him. Then he started with the stupid stuff. He would lean way over the brass barrier that kept us slobs from reaching the dancers and try to bite the closest one to him. He would lean way in when they came for his dollar and rub his nose on them as much as he could. He was screaming at them when they weren’t paying attention them. It was embarrassing and very irritating.

Finally one of the bouncers came over to him and told him in no uncertain terms that he had to stop acting like an ass or his was going to get kicked. He of course said he’d calm down. I think he hadn’t had too many beers yet. So when he started buying rounds of Tequila for everyone, I knew he was in trouble.

Soon he was back to asshole mode. We kept trying to get him to chill but it wasn’t working. Then he did it. A new dancer came on stage and came over near us and he went nuts. She leaned down near us and he reached out and grabbed both her boobs. Next thing you know, 3 bouncers had him in their grip and were dragging him out of the place. We followed, trying to tell these gorillas that we would just leave. They threw big mouth down and were totally willing to let us go, but of course he didn’t let things die down. The dumb ass jumped up and ran into one of the bouncer dudes, knocking him down. That was all it took and all 3 of them started whipping his ass good. It took us a good 5 minutes to get things stopped in which time the dork took a pretty good beating.

We took him home that night and a couple guys went inside to help clean him up and get him into bed. He really looked rough. I thought that he’d had to learn his lesson from that. I also thought I would have to worry about running into him anytime soon.

Just 2 nights later though, there he was back out on the town, acting like a jerk and he didn’t even seem to be feeling too rough. When he came over to talk to me his right eye had rainbow colors around it but that was all that was visible. After a few beers, the dork got into a fight with some guy. Apparently he didn’t appreciate Mr. Bigmouth hitting on his girl right in front of him. When the ruckus started, I just got up and left. I’ll bet he still hasn’t learned his lesson. If he’s still alive, that is.

I Think It's Bad Advertising

I went shopping with Nicci tonight and I noticed that there is a brand of clothes called "SAG Harbor". I saw signs and products everywhere. Sag Harbor was on the walls, on the windows and on the racks.

It seems like a bad idea to me. I don't think a woman would be very happy buying clothes with SAG written all over them.

I Love Goofy Jokes

A few of my latest favorite goofy jokes for your entertainment. You can't read these and stay in a bad mood. (Well, maybe not most of you.)

How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It

How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It

What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!

What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses

What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef

Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
` Right Where You Left Him

...and my favorite from this bunch...

What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko



Now admit it....
At least one of these made you smile!! Right?

An "I Love The 80's" Quote

The purpose of the Stealth Bomber was for guys to have another name to call their penis.

Gilbert Godfrey

Garbage Or Poop Fuel?

Tonight when I was having dinner at a local restaurant they brought me this huge bowl of Harvard Beets. Now, I like Harvard Beets, but not a bowl of about 200 of them. As I picked through the stack to get the best ones (which you can do when you have such a surplus) I started to imagine that the little beets were either screaming "Pick me! Pick me!", wanting to be eaten or scampering away whimpering so they weren't chosen.

You see, I imagined that some of them didn't want to be eaten and consequently become poop fuel. They would rather be garbage and maggot food.

The brave ones wanted to be eaten because they knew they were healthy for my body. They were born for this task and were eager to fulfill thier destiny no matter what. They were like the Marines. Hoo Rah!

The chicken ones were also born and raised for the job of making us healthy but they were too chicken to go through the whole process. That part about getting poked with a fork and then being chewed to mulch just wasn't something they wanted to try. They were like the draft dodgers.

Personally, I can understand either point of view.

Funny how something so simple as a large helping of food can become so much fun.

So, which way would you prefer to end up if you were a Harvard Beet? Garbage Or Poop Fuel?

Beer At Work

This sounds pretty good to me.


16 REASONS WHY ALCOHOL SHOULD BE SERVED AT WORK...

1. It’s an incentive to show up.
2. It leads to more honest communications.
3. It reduces complaints about low pay.
4. Employees tell management what they think, not what they want to hear.
5. It encourages car pooling.
6. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don’t care.
7. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
8. It makes fellow employees look better.
9. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
10. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
11. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
12. Employees work later since there’s no longer a need to relax at the bar.
13. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
14. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.
15. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
16. Sitting “Bare ass” on the copy machine will no longer be seen as gross.

Today's The Day

So today is the day. My last day at this job. It feels a little weird. Maybe a little surreal. I'm not one to change jobs very often at all so moving on is an odd feeling.

I will miss a lot of the people here. Especially Peachy and Spacebrain. I look back on the 4.5 years I've spent here and realize that the place is a virtual rollercoaster ride of promise and catastrophe. There is no middle ground at all. This company should be a goldmine in this business, but it isn't. I guess I'm just tired of waiting for the right management that will help the place reach it's potential. There are places that already are on the right track. This one is full of empty promise. It never happens.

So starting sometime today I'm off to another adventure. I am looking forward to it. A little anxious, a little hopeful, a lot worried about the group of people. That's usually the hardest thing to get used to. Hopefully there are cool people there like there are here. I don't actually start the new job until Monday, but after today, I am free from this dead-end street. That part does feel great!

My blogging schedule will be unknown starting Monday. I am only sure that I will be online in the evenings. Mornings and work time are TBD. I am also away for the weekend so no one panic that I am not posting starting Friday morning. (As if.)

Ok, enough of that. Stay tuned for more fun.....

You Know What I Need?

I bummed this from Awna. It's funny to me.

Go to Google. Type in "(your name) needs".

Here are my results:

- Bob needs advice! So who's up for some YB Educatin?

- Dirty Bob needs loving home. I clean up nicely.

- Bob needs the hash of his PK. That should have stopped at 'Hash.'
- Bob Needs a New Cage! No comment.

- Bob needs a life. I had one once.....

- Bob needs to communicate with his supplier. My fix is long overdue.

- Bob needs to roar with pride. I did that once. It hurt a little.

- Bob needs friends. Would yew be my friend?

- Bob needs to realize that there are millions of people around the world that canbenefit from his experiences. Maybe they need to realize this first.

- Bob needs singing lessons. They wouldn't help.

- Bob needs to trust Alice. I will, as soon as I meet her.

- Bob needs to bend over, pick it up, and start walking with the rest of us. I'm not sure what to say to this one.

- Bob needs a maid. With a sexy French outfit.

- Bob needs to be yanked out of his pajamas. Now we're talkin!

- Bob needs to work on his muscle tone too. I have muscle tone?

- Bob needs help being romantic. Not true. I know how to rent porn.

- Bob needs support to learn to respond to adult direction in an age-appropriate way. Sounds too boring to me.

- Bob needs to move back to California from the east coast. Sounds good except I've never been there... yet!

- Bob needs Travis and his trailer. Then he and I can star in "Deliverance II".

- Bob needs your dough. Not cookie dough either!

- Bob needs a good spanking. I'm a baaad boy!

- Bob needs a little brain surgery. I'm like the Scarecrow.

**Lars, I fixed that last one. That just proves the point, eh?