The Time Of My Life

Last night I was going through my 'storage' room in the basement. (It's the room that is full of stuff stored until the flooded area is fixed.) While going through looking for something I came across my old 12 string guitar and decided I had to play it for a bit.

I got it out, opened the case and when I touched it to take it out I had one of those movie moments where a thousand memories fly through your mind once you touch something from your past. It was weird but really cool. I remembered recording sessions with the 12 string, I remembered music lessons from a friend who is long ago passed away, I remember frustration in trying to learn how to tune the darn thing. I remembered a lot. Almost in an instant.

I sat down and tuned the guitar. It really wasn't too badly out of tune for all the time it's been sitting. Amazingly, when I started playing, I remembered a lot of the old songs. Songs G and I wrote and recorded. Songs I taught myself, like Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd. Some stuff I could only remember parts of. I played for about an hour, but my hand started hurting too much to continue. I'm way too much out of practice for a 12 string.

Then I sat there and let the memories flow through my brain. I remembered the day I brought that 12 string home. G laughed at me and told me I was into self torture. It was 1989 and I had just recently started learning to play. Here I was taking on this instrument. I remembered so many things and when I thought about it. I felt happy and sad at the same time. So much happened after I bought that thing. So many people in and out of my life. So much good to remember and so little sad.

Then I had this thought, what if I never am that happy again? I realized that I was much happier with life back then than I ever had been and have ever been since. I didn't know it at the time, but those were the times of my life. Maybe. Then I got worried. I don't want to have to look back at another era and remember being so content with life. I sure would like to feel that way now. I don't.

I can't claim to be unhappy now. I have a good life. But I think I know that something is missing and the thing is, once you've had a period where you are really settled and happy and enjoy a lot of your days, it's really hard to have a lesser existance and be satisfied. Maybe that's why I am never satisfied with life anymore. Maybe I've already had my moment in the sun. Maybe I've already had the time of my life.

I sure hope not.

I think this will be a melancholy kind of day.