Someone's Reality, But Who's?

Last night I was flipping through channels and when I checked out VH1 there was this weird show on. It was goofy as hell. This new show had Bridgette Nielson, her 25 year old fiance, and Flava Flav in it. Apparently it is some kind of reality (?) show where Bridgette is engaged to this young guy and Flav is chasing her around Europe trying to win her away from him. (It sounded like Italian, so I'm going to say they were in Italy, at least last night.) This is the new reality for VH1?

First, I have to say that the young guy did not, by any means, seem the least bit interested in Bridgette. He just seemed bored.

Second, Bridgette looks rough! Who is supposed to believe that that young, good looking guy is engaged to her?

Third, who could possibly put up with Flava Flav for longer than 10 minutes at a time? That guy is sooo obnoxious, he would need valium to bring him down to 'normal people' level.

This has to be the most far fetched, unbelievable, worst acted show I've ever seen. The 'Fiance' looks totally disinterested, Flav is totally out there and Bridgette looks like she's their Grandmother. No way could anyone believe they have a love interest in her.

I've been thinking reality TV (so called) is going too far. After hearing about the plans to have guys competing for the right to be a woman's sperm donor, I thought they couldn't get weirder. Shows what I know.

You gotta see this one to believe it. I couldn't take more than 10 minutes. Good luck.


***I wrote this post earlier today, but somehow saved it as a draft instead of actually posting it. Duh!

A Manly Night

Well, tonight was a manly night. I had to flex my manliness genes for a while. Granted, this doesn't happen too often, but it's good to do every now and then if for no other reason, just to be sure I still can.

I bought this cool Craftsman Workstation last week and Spacebrain helped me move it home tonight (since he has a truck and I don't). Sucker was a bit heavy too.

Of course, once it was unpacked, there was 'some assembly required'. But we all know this isn't a problem for a manly man. So I pretended to be one and got my tools out. I laid out all the parts, looked at the instructions and got to work.

Once I started I realized I had already made a giant mistake. I looked at the instructions. Oops! Manly men don't do that. So I promptly threw them away and did what any self respecting he-man would do, I picked up each piece and held it in places that looked like a spot it should go, putting things together that way. I assembled some pieces in spots that just didn't work out and had to disassemble them again. But I wasn't about to break the manly code, so I kept at it. This made the assembly go a tad... oops! can't say tad... it's not very masculine.. made the assembly more of a challenge, but tonight I was manly. I was roughing it, damn it!

After a few hours of assembly and re-assembly, I finally got my manly Craftsman workstation put together. It is beautiful! It holds all my tools in an orderly fashion... oops again!... All my tools and stuff goes into it. It's got power strips, lights, holders for drills and even a beer holder. I can do anything now. I'm ready to build stuff!

All I have to say after this experience tonight is, "Damn, I just don't know what idiot made this damn thing but the damn thing sure was a damn puzzle. Not too damn hard for me though damn it! I'm a man!"

Brown Shoe Diaries

OK, so after Peachy's comment about the shoes looking the same, (see comments from the previous post) I decided to do a poll. I asked several people and the consensus is that they look quite a bit different when time is taken to check them out, but they are both brown, so no one bothers to look too closely. Lesson learned, wear a white tennis shoe with a brown dress shoe next time. It's kind of a let down, but what the hey.

I did get some interesting stories from people who have accidentally worn 2 different shoes. Even our V.P. told me about a time when she had 2 pairs of the same shoe, but they were different colors. One day she didn't notice that she grabbed a dark blue one and a brown one. Apparently this story is common.

I also heard stories about people forgetting to wear stuff. Not fun stuff, but jewelry and watches. One person forgot her earrings and necklace and it bugged her so much, she went back home to get them. Is this common? She said she felt naked without her jewelry. I don't know if that would bug me that much. Maybe it's different for women?

Anyway, today's experiment is kind of a bust. It has been fun. I'm holding out hope for someone to notice without being prompted, but it may not happen.

What Will This Day Bring?

OK, I'm in a very strange mood today. I can't promise what mayhem will ensue around me, but I'll let you know. For starters, I decided to conduct an experiment in peoples observation levels. I'm wearing 2 totally different shoes. Yep, I'm at work in a (supposedly) professional atmosphere, but my shoes do not match in any way. We'll see who notices.

I guess I'm in a good mood since last night. My Uncle was hospitalized with a mild heart attack the night before and when I visited yesterday (yep, YB is living in hospitals this past month) he is in great shape. They found some kind of clot in an artery, cleaned it out and say he'll be 100% in no time. Good news. My Uncle is the greatest guy, bar none, I've ever had the priveledge of knowing. The only real father figure I knew growing up. So this morning, some worry is gone, which always is a boost. I think I'll pass it on today.

Any people tests you wish to pass on, today is the day for it. I'll be looking over Meritt's list for some help. All in all, this should be a good day.

The Promised Office Affair Update

I guess I get behind with this (continued from this post) because I feel a little guilty telling everyone. Also, there just isn’t too much to tell from week to week. At any rate:

I walked by cg’s (cheater guy) cubicle and cgrl (cheater girl) was there, as usual. I remember thinking as I went past, “OK, she’s standing right up against him at his desk. Yo, that cubicle doesn’t hide you that well, especially when people are walking by!” She really was standing tightly against him as he was sitting there, leaning over his shoulder, looking at something on his computer screen. When I got near, they started talking business. I know they were faking it because I was standing a short distance away for a few minutes and they weren’t talking business then. The volume went up as I approached. The quiet laughs stopped.

One of the ladies in this building headed back to the kitchen area to heat up her lunch yesterday. When she got close to the door, she heard cgrl saying “…is just like the other night when we had to hide from…” She said when she heard those words, she just turned around and left, waiting until they left the area.

During a meeting we had last week they sat next to each other and their knees touched the whole time. The end of the table is round and I was to the right of them, so I could see clearly. When she sat down next to him, she slid her chair right up against his and they moved closer so that their legs were touching from the knees down. I remember doing things like that. It is cozy, especially when you think you are getting away with something.

One of the Engineers said he thinks they’re dating. He watched them chatting quietly at cg’s desk, then they went around the corner where it’s more private, to cgrl’s desk. Engineer guy just looked around and said “I think they’re dating.” I guess it’s obvious to everybody now.

During the Holidays, it was so obvious when they both had the same days off. The one day cg came in (in the middle of the week for some weird reason???) he came into our area, grabbed some coffee and slyly mentioned that he hadn’t seen cgrl yet. He wanted to know if we had seen her. I wanted to answer that I hadn’t seen her since the day before, knowing that they both were off with the same weird schedule, just to see his reaction. Before I could, she came walking through and he followed her down the walkway. Drats! Foiled again!

I need to plan some good lines like that so that when the opportunity arises, I’m not stumbling around with it. It should sound natural, assuming I don’t laugh first.

I wonder if they really think no one is onto them?

Human Observations

I’ve noticed that a lot of people who ask for an opinion really aren’t interested in it. Mostly they want to hear it for one of 2 reasons. One, so they can agree with someone. Then they can both pat each other on the back, trading ego biscuits because both people feel superior. Far superior to those who haven’t figured out how inferior they are for having an opposite opinion.

Second, they may disagree. That is a short cut for them to superior-dom. They’ve got the person right there who obviously knows less than them and they already are much smarter. Then they get to lump that person in with all those other losers of the world that ‘just don’t get it’ in real time. This is a very common occurrence.


Have you ever had a morning where your partner wakes up totally wound-up, really full of energy? The type of morning where they are so ready to get the day started that they are border-line obnoxious about it? I experienced one of those this past weekend. Unfortunately, it was a morning when I was totally the opposite, ready to fall asleep at any moment. I tried to get into the swing, but I have to say that I was hating life for a while. I needed quiet time to ease into waking up. There was none. It became so irritating that I hurried through the morning routine and raced outside to get to Starbuck’s. After that I was ready for the day. Maybe that was her plan all along?


Have you ever been told that someone was boring? Or worse, been told you were boring? (I have a friend who was called this recently, by a guy in a bar who’s intentions were obvious.) It’s a weird statement. To me, people are only boring to those who think their way is right and the person they are judging is wrong. If you really want to know someone and are truly are interested in knowing them, you can't find them boring. Different from you, maybe, but not boring. Boring to me means irrelevant. I don’t think anyone can be considered irrelevant. Annoying maybe. Obnoxious, different, silly, stupid & lots of other things. Lots of things that keep you from being interested in knowing them any better than you already do. But no one is irrelevant.

Now, there are people who want you to be something you’re not. Like say, ‘easy’. Or supportive of their desires even if they are selfish and stupid. Well they might find you boring. Only because you won't give them what they want. But those people usually aren't worth knowing anyway. They become irrelevant in your future world. But the discussions about them probably aren’t boring.

Well, those are a few observations I’ve had this morning. Funny how things just pop into your head and you find yourself thinking about them for a while.

Kill Bill Quiz.....

..... that I got from Grace has been killed.

Dan Rather Is A Bum

This whole Dan Rather thing is annoying. Not that they got busted being stupid. But that they still try to cover up their true intentions. CBS News is biased to liberal views. How hard is it to admit it? I’d have more respect for them if they would just admit the obvious. The whole past year their intent, along with the 60 minutes crew, was to hurt President Bush’s re-election chances. It’s blatantly obvious. Just fess up and move on.

Personally, I don’t care if the news people have an agenda. Big deal. The CBS, ABC, NBC and CNN news groups are all liberal mouthpieces intent on indoctrination of the masses by constantly repeating their views over and over. The old ‘Say it often enough and people start to believe it’ scam.

What I don’t like is the way they hide behind bullshit dogma and fuzzy explanations to try to keep up the false persona that they are unbiased. (I hear FOX News is like that, but I don’t watch them either.) People are stupid, but anyone with any interest and intelligence has already figured out the truth.

To me, if you are going to do something or believe in some philosophy but have to hide it, maybe you shouldn’t be doing/believing it. The only place to get news without the ‘indoctrination of the masses’ slant anymore is via the Internet anyway. Soon, the big networks news shows will just be funny pseudo-reality shows that well informed people watch for laughs.

Kudos to Bloggers for helping to change the world.

Quite The Resolution!

I needed a New Year's resolution and thanks to CL, this is mine:

In the year 2005 I resolve to: Fart in public. Get your resolution here

The Highwayman Revisited…..

...or the continuing saga of the morning commute.

This morning we find our hero, The Highwayman, traveling his well known perilous route of destiny when suddenly his super senses detect the most feared enemy of the road. Yes, you guessed it, Deputy Barney Fife, complete with his one bullet, has sneaked up behind our hero using his talent for near invisibility that always wreaks havoc on highway travelers. But unlike any normal road racers, our hero never panics. Calling on his customary cool, calm demeanor, our hero slowly eases his way into the center lane, knowing that Deputy Fife will pass him by. Officers of the law never pay any attention to the laws when it pertains to them and the Highwayman knows this.

As the deputy slowly passes our hero, the Highwayman slowly increases speed, matching the patrol cars rate. Experience has taught our hero that this is a safe move and he has done it many times. Besides, the exit for the Deputy is coming soon and this pace will not be forced on him for long.

As the exit for the Police Barracks comes into view, the Highwayman notices something strange. Deputy Fife has stayed in the far left lane and has begun to go slightly faster. Hmm... this starts to raise the hairs on our heroes’ neck in warning. His superior senses warn him that this may be some nefarious scheme just to try to trap him and spoil his perfect record of semi-peaceful commuting. The Highwayman doesn’t bite. He stays in the center lane, cruise control locked on, all systems operating at maximum efficiency as the Deputy moves farther ahead with several less experienced drivers following behind like ducks following their Momma.

Very soon our hero sees his instincts were right. Following Deputy Fife and his duckies is an unmarked Sheriff’s car complete with a Roscoe P. Coltrane wanna-be. Just as our hero suspected, a rolling speed-trap! Zounds! As he passes the Highwayman, the Sheriff glances over with distain in his beady eyes, already knowing he has missed his opportunity for catching our hero. As if he ever will! With a sneer on his lips and a gleam in his eye, the Highwayman acknowledges the officer with a slight nod. No sense in being rude. Roscoe must be frustrated knowing his feeble attempts at matching the Highwayman’s skills will always be to no avail.

After a few minutes, the Highwayman sees ahead just what he expected; Deputy Fife and the Sheriff have 3 hapless commuters pulled alongside the highway, issuing them the ruination of their day in the form of a speeding ticket. The rolling speed-trap has once again trapped the lesser commuters, but not the Highwayman.

As our hero passes by, Deputy Fife, with his one bullet clenched between his teeth like a cold, metal cigar stub, glares at his adversary. The Highwayman proceeds ahead, straight ahead, steady course, once again feeling the calm satisfaction of surviving the morning commute. Once again defeating the enemies on the road, the Highwayman prepares to face the day knowing he has a momentary respite from the enemies of the highway, until another time...........

Tune in again next time for the continuing saga of, The Morning Commute.

Right Hand. Avant Garde Art for CL & Autumn. 

Left Hand. Avant Garde Art for CL & Autumn. 

Gimme A Smooch

Have you ever been talking to someone and suddenly the thought pops into your head that they would be a good kisser?

Recently I’ve found myself twice wondering what it would be like to kiss someone I was talking to. Nothing but a kiss. No sexual thoughts, no wondering what they looked like naked. None of that. Just kiss. (Maybe more than one?)

The 2 occasions were very similar. I was just talking with a friend and I noticed (in both situations) they had what appeared to me to be very kissable lips. This thought hit me pretty quick during the first encounter, so I had a long time to roll it around in my head. The second time, I didn’t have as much time, but there was enough.

Some people just look kissable. They have a nice shaped mouth with perfect proportioned lips and they look like they’d be good kissers. A person like that can be very distracting to someone like me who actually enjoys his intrusive thoughts.

Excuse me now while I go practice my lip-ups.

Football Blues

OK, I'm watching some Football. I'm trying to be bi in my sports watching. It's hard to keep any interest though. There's just too much game going on between shots of the cheerleaders. I need to write to the network guys about this.

(Can anyone tell I miss Basball?)

Zings, The Shoes Of Champions

I was in the Mall recently looking at all the brands of ‘athletic shoes’. That’s what they are called now. When I was younger, they were called ‘sneakers’. Seeing all the variety, I started thinking about the difference between now and when I was in school.

When I was in Junior High School, the status symbol was what kind of sneakers you wore. That was the King of all things important. You had to have cool sneakers or you were a loser.

The old standby was the classic Chuck’s, Converse All Stars. The really cool people had those. The Pro Keds with the blue and red stripes in front, right on the rubber part, those were considered cool too. I had those, dark blue high tops with one white and one red string in each shoe. I was cool!

Then you had the super expensive sneakers that the really rich kids had or the jocks had like Adidas (they were rare back then), Fila, that Bjorn Borg made famous and K-Swiss. K-Swiss was very rare when I was in Junior High and the few who had them were considered the best of the best.

Then you had the ‘other kids’ who didn’t wear the cool shoes. The biggest insult when I was in 8th grade was telling someone they wore Zings. Zings were the $2.00 K-Mart sneakers. If you weren’t cool, you wore Zings. Even if you didn’t actually wear them, you still got that label.

It’s funny how stuff like that affects you later in life. After I got to High School, I discovered Wilson. Wilson shoes, sports equipment, clothes, Wilson everything. This came from being on the Tennis team and Wilson is big with Tennis stuff. For years, all I would buy was Wilson stuff. With the exception of Nike shoes. Once I discovered Nike tennis shoes, that was it. I didn’t even look at any other brands.

If I had stayed with just Tennis, I would have been OK, but playing Baseball/Softball and Golf, well Wilson isn’t quite the big name there. Nike wasn’t bad, but Wilson was. For years I played Golf with these old Wilson clubs that even good golfers couldn’t hit the ball with. I used Wilson balls that felt like rocks when you hit them. I even bought this cool looking Wilson bat one year when I played softball. When it struck the ball it thunked. A weird sounding thunk very much unlike the good bats others were using. But I didn’t care. I had a Wilson bat.

I was hard core about not changing brands too. Nothing but Wilson. Nothing but Nike.
I think it all goes back to those days when your sneaker brand was your status. Your identity with your peers depended on having the same things others had. Having the 'cool' stuff. I tend to be fiercely loyal, sometimes to a fault. So I intended to be loyal to my favorite brands. How weird is that? Loyal to a big company that doesn’t even know you exist. Loyal to brands that didn’t help your game and at times, hindered it.

I’m not like that any more. Actually, I can’t even find a pair of Nikes that they could give me to wear. They all look like some clown shoes or something out of the costume department of a bad sci-fi movie. Nope, I’ve learned my lesson with the status symbol clothes, shoes and sports equipment. It’s weird to think about those days, but I am glad they are gone. At least for me. I’m sure the kids today have some similar things they ‘just have to have’. I’m sure there are some ‘status symbol’ things still lurking in the schools today.

But what I’m really curious about right now is, I wonder if they still sell Zings?

Fat Heads Day

Have you ever called someone Fat Head? Try it. It’s a fun thing to say. “Hey you, Fat Head!” For some reason I recently discovered that like I that name. It encompasses a lot of things.

Like the obvious issue of someone acting like a jerk, “What a Fat Head!” Or someone who does something dumb, “Geez, Fat Head!” Or the one I use the most, the idiot driver, “Outta my way Fat Head!” “Where’d you get your license, Fat Head School!?!”

It’s not necessarily a bad term either. If you’re goofing around with a friend, you can call him/her a Fat Head and they’ll just call you something back. (I believe guys are more prone to this type of ranking, but I’ve heard girls doing it too.) Or you could be with a friend and they could do something silly. Then you can tell them they are being a Fat Head.

I don’t think there’s any way that referring to someone as being Fat Headed can be positive though. If someone is Fat Headed in your mind, then they probably aren’t your favorite person. Or if something is Fat Headed in your mind, it’s probably not your first choice.

Sometimes you can just feel Fat Headed. There are some mornings where my brain just doesn’t start up quickly and I’ll think to myself, “Am I going to be a Fat Head all day?”

Over all, I think it’s not that bad a thing. There are worse insults to be made. There are worse to be had. There are better compliments in the world too. (Who wants to be told they have a good looking fat head?) Generally, it’s a fun term and I use it quite often, mostly just in my mind. Telling a Fat Head that they are a Fat Head could get me a bump on my Fat Head, so I’ll keep it mostly to myself. But you never know just what I’m thinking, so don’t be a Fat Head around me. You may be paying for it somewhere in the darkest reaches of my Fat Head. ;)

Ashlee Simpson

I just read this article about Ashlee Simpson's performance at the Orange Bowl. Apparently it stunk. It's the second recent major malfunction in her singing career.

Maybe she isn't a singer. Maybe she's just having a run of bad luck. I don't know, but I know this; I feel bad for her. The SNL lip syncing thing was bad, but to be booed and jeered at by 100,000 people at a live performance? Well that must suck.

I really feel bad for her.

Go ahead, let the hassling begin.

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do?

I heard Donald Trump on the radio this morning talking about how some study showed that married people tend to be healthier, probably due to less stress. Now, I'm not so sure about that one. Personally, I feel much more stress when I'm involved in a relationship. In the past I never seemed to know what was going on, how to act and/or react 'properly', or just in general when I should just shut-up and let things alone. I guess I tended to be a little late on realizing the way things were going. So now I'm always on edge, looking for whatever could be happening that my natural personality tends to miss.

I really believe it's much easier to break up with someone than to keep things going in a good direction. Even when it's been someone breaking up with me. Only once in my life do I remember someone dumping me that I really had a hard time with it. I deserved it too. That realization didn't help.

I've had some classic break-ups too. I remember one time I stopped by my girlfriends work to see what we were doing the next time we got together. It was like a scene from Seinfeld (Seinfeld again?). I asked about that evening, but she couldn't make it. Then I asked about the weekend, but she was busy. Then I asked about the next week, but she was still busy. ??? Finally she admitted that, when it came to time with me, she was busy for the rest of her life. I was a bit stunned. We had been seeing each other for over a year. After a few seconds of shocked silence, I just laughed. That didn't get me any brownie points, but it just seemed so funny to me the way this was happening. She and I ended up still being friends, but she admitted to me years later that my reaction pissed her off. I guess she wanted me to be more upset.

I had a girlfriend right after high school that just decided one day that she wanted to get married to her old boyfriend. A guy she hadn't seen for over a year. (Maybe she was seeing him at the same time as me?) I went over to her place one night and that was the first thing she said. (Another time I was surprised.) I was too young and not that much attached to be very upset about it, so I wished her well and got ready to leave. She stopped me and said that she didn't want to break up officially until the weekend was over so that we could have sex all weekend first. Now what guy wouldn't like a break up like that? Sex all weekend without strings attached. She did marry the old boyfriend, had a baby and divorced him within 2 years. I wonder if he got a free weekend?

I once was dumped in high school because I didn't try to have sex with my girlfriend. She told everybody that I was too slow for her. ??? This was a new concept for me. I only knew the girl for 2 weeks.

I was dumped once because I was too short. Made me wonder who she was looking at all those times we were together. Did I look taller at some point? She was 5'7", I'm 5'6". It meant something to her.

I stopped seeing someone once because she moved to Maine. That's quite a long way away from Maryland. She didn't have to and I asked her not to. I had a good career path going, she was unemployed. There really wasn't any reason for her to move except 'she always wanted to live there'. So I ended it. She was pissed! She argued with me that she 'planned' on coming to visit at least every 6 months or so. Yeah, that's a good base for building a relationship. "Nice seeing you! See you again in 6 months! Umm, what was your name again?" She was so mad. Writing me letters and cussing me out, telling me that I wasn't the guy she thought I was. Sorry babe. Every 6 months would be fun to have a friend visit, but I can't take you seriously as a potential long term partner.

All in all, my experience with relationships is that they are easy to get into and easy to get out of but very difficult to keep going. If we could just keep getting into new relationships and then ending them quickly, I think the stress level of the world would be much more manageable.

Breaking up is hard to do? I don't think so.

Yes, Yet Another Quiz

I glommed this one from El Sid. I like these bunny pics.



congratulations. you are the kiss my ass happy
bunny. You don't care about anyone or anything.
You must be so proud


which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I Coulda Been Donald Trump

I just had a grape Pixy Stix. I forgot how much I like those things. It brought back a memory from my childhood. I haven’t thought about this for years.

When I was in 1st grade (yes, a long time ago) we would save pennies so we could stop at the neighborhood candy shop on the way to school. It was one of those Mom & Pop penny candy places, a lot like the ones you see in old movies. Big old glass jars of all kinds of yummy kids stuff.

On this particular day, I had at least a dime, if I remember right. What I do remember is that I could buy a lot of Pixy Stix. I got a pile of them. During school, we couldn’t eat candy, so when lunch time came around, I was Mr. Popular. I was giving the things away.

Soon though, I realized that I was running out, so I stopped handing them out. (I wanted to save some for later.) To my surprise, some of the other kids started offering me money for them. What a concept! That hadn’t occurred to me at all! Being just 6 years old, I really didn’t understand the value of money, so when kids with coins started lining up, I just told them that I would take any coin they had for a Pixy Stix. Some were pennies, some dimes, one even a quarter. I remember being amazed that a kid my age even had a quarter.

After I got home, I remember counting the loot. It totaled $.60! I had scored an additional $.50, even after I had given out a lot of free candy! I quickly hid the loot in the bottom of my toy bin and began to plan my rise to financial bliss. It seemed to me if I could make that much on a $.10 stash, a $.60 stash would make me rich.

Needless to say, on the way to school, I bought all the Pixy Stix I could get. I ended up selling a lot of them and making even more money. I began to do this daily and it never occurred to me to wonder how my patrons seemed to have change every day. I was going to be a millionaire.

So eventually, the Teacher got wise to me. She contacted my parents and several of the other kid’s parents to make sure nothing bad was happening, like the kids stealing to get their fix. Nothing bad was happening. She was watching and saw that I really didn’t know the value of the money or where the kids were getting it, so I didn’t get into any trouble. I just had to shut down all operations. I was bummed.

So there’s my initial venture into capitalism. It was quite a successful venture. If I hadn’t picked school as my place of business, I just might have made my fortune young and be retired already. Ahh, the inexperience of youth!