Monday, January 10, 2005

The Highwayman Revisited…..

...or the continuing saga of the morning commute.

This morning we find our hero, The Highwayman, traveling his well known perilous route of destiny when suddenly his super senses detect the most feared enemy of the road. Yes, you guessed it, Deputy Barney Fife, complete with his one bullet, has sneaked up behind our hero using his talent for near invisibility that always wreaks havoc on highway travelers. But unlike any normal road racers, our hero never panics. Calling on his customary cool, calm demeanor, our hero slowly eases his way into the center lane, knowing that Deputy Fife will pass him by. Officers of the law never pay any attention to the laws when it pertains to them and the Highwayman knows this.

As the deputy slowly passes our hero, the Highwayman slowly increases speed, matching the patrol cars rate. Experience has taught our hero that this is a safe move and he has done it many times. Besides, the exit for the Deputy is coming soon and this pace will not be forced on him for long.

As the exit for the Police Barracks comes into view, the Highwayman notices something strange. Deputy Fife has stayed in the far left lane and has begun to go slightly faster. Hmm... this starts to raise the hairs on our heroes’ neck in warning. His superior senses warn him that this may be some nefarious scheme just to try to trap him and spoil his perfect record of semi-peaceful commuting. The Highwayman doesn’t bite. He stays in the center lane, cruise control locked on, all systems operating at maximum efficiency as the Deputy moves farther ahead with several less experienced drivers following behind like ducks following their Momma.

Very soon our hero sees his instincts were right. Following Deputy Fife and his duckies is an unmarked Sheriff’s car complete with a Roscoe P. Coltrane wanna-be. Just as our hero suspected, a rolling speed-trap! Zounds! As he passes the Highwayman, the Sheriff glances over with distain in his beady eyes, already knowing he has missed his opportunity for catching our hero. As if he ever will! With a sneer on his lips and a gleam in his eye, the Highwayman acknowledges the officer with a slight nod. No sense in being rude. Roscoe must be frustrated knowing his feeble attempts at matching the Highwayman’s skills will always be to no avail.

After a few minutes, the Highwayman sees ahead just what he expected; Deputy Fife and the Sheriff have 3 hapless commuters pulled alongside the highway, issuing them the ruination of their day in the form of a speeding ticket. The rolling speed-trap has once again trapped the lesser commuters, but not the Highwayman.

As our hero passes by, Deputy Fife, with his one bullet clenched between his teeth like a cold, metal cigar stub, glares at his adversary. The Highwayman proceeds ahead, straight ahead, steady course, once again feeling the calm satisfaction of surviving the morning commute. Once again defeating the enemies on the road, the Highwayman prepares to face the day knowing he has a momentary respite from the enemies of the highway, until another time...........

Tune in again next time for the continuing saga of, The Morning Commute.


8 comments:

Jody said...

That is a nasty trick. Entrapment! Luring helpless commuters to break the law! If a patrol car can go that fast with out its lights & siren you can't expect a helpless, road-numbed commuter to know better than to do the same. Bad cops! Bad!

a beer sort of girl said...

Congrats, Highwayman Bob, on evading the dastardly tricks of the Highway Patrol. There are enough morons out on the roads who deserve to be caught doing what they do that cops who BAIT normal drivers make me so mad.

Me said...

That was SO well written that I chuckled, and then re-read the entire thing out loud to my husband. LOL.

Awesome job.

Yankeebob said...

Yeah Jody, they know some tricks to get you. But the Highwayman knows them all too!

Beergirl, the Highwayman will always defeat the evil enemies of the highway, no matter where they lurk. But he does wonder at the trickery used on innocents. Hmm...

Thanks Meritt. The Highwayman is one of my fun alter egos. He hasn't shown up for a while now, (Since late October) but he will return, when the evildoers of the highway need to be vanquished once again!

grace said...

ahh, the highwayman! so suave, so smart! *swoooon* :P

JK said...

Well written Bob. Once again you bring up a masterpiece.

I think that is a pretty dirty trick too.

SJ said...

Ok, Bob - here's my one and only experience with American Traffic Cops...

Venice, CA, July 1995 - I came out one morning to find a parking ticket stuck on the car I had rented for a few days, telling me to go to the nearest police station and pay a fine. I cursed a bit, kicked the wheels of the car, sighed and drove across to pay it.

When I came back out of the cop shop, you know what I found? While I had been in paying my parking fine, some bastard cop had given me *another* ticket for parking outside the police station....

I'm a foreigner, for christ' sake! I didn't know you weren't allowed to park there!!

Needless to say, I was not happy. The policemen inside found it hightly amusing, though...

Munch said...

the one bullet in his teeth.....HE HE HE...