***Caution: Another Relationships post. Run away if you don't want to hear any more relationship crap from YB.
Did you ever hear someone say they have a "love/hate" relationship? I've heard this again recently and it started me thinking about the idea. I came to this conclusion: Aren't they all "love/hate"?
No matter what type of relationship you enter into, there are times when you absolutely love it. Sometimes you can't get enough interaction with the object of you affections, whether it's a spouse, a friend, a kid or even a dog. Sometimes it's great.
Sometimes it's just a push. The time spent is just that, time spent. Nothing special. More importantly, no harm done.
But sometimes, you find reasons to hate the relationship. Sometimes the object of affection says or does something so hurtful that you suddenly realize that there is a part there that you don't like. There is a part of everyone that isn't quite up to your personal standards. Let's face it, we cannot find 'the perfect partner'. We may find good ones. Never will there be a perfect match.
The problem with the bad side emerging is that it leaves scars. The scars don't go away. Maybe they are atoned for. Maybe they are totally accidental incidents, but they don't leave our psyche. We remember them and the bad memories build up.
There's and old saying, "You will soon forget with whom you've laughed. You will never forget with whom you've wept." That's what I'm getting at. Over time, the bad incidents pile up until you may start to believe that you are into something that you don't want anymore. You feel like the person isn’t the same, even if they are. No 2 people grow together always. None will always see eye to eye all the time. But over time the small conflicts, that should be considered a natural occurrence, build up until true affection begins to wane.
That's why I believe all relationships are love/hate. It's impossible to have one without the other. How the couples decide to handle the conflicts and differences is the key to their continuing or not.
Nope, I have no idea why these things occur to me. I just think too much sometimes.
6 comments:
i thought that saying meant that you really know who your friends are... the ones that will stay when things are bad... not just fair weather friends and all of that. but what do i know. i'm just a damned foreigner :P
i don't hate steve yet... gimme some time though. i'll find something :P hehe.
I don't think it means you actually hate the other person, maybe just hate some of the things they do.
You're getting very philisophical these days, YB...
Yeah Grace, that's what I thought too, but I've now seen it used both ways. I wonder who quoted it originallly and what they intended it to mean?
CL, that's kind of what I was getting at. That the things make you see the person differently even if they are the same person.
Ian, my mood swings bring about strange thought patterns. I never know what will come out when I sit at the computer.
I agree that all relationships are love/hate. I think the ones that work long term are the ones where the ratio of love to hate is the highest. I have never loved anyone the way that I love my husband. On the flip side, I have never felt such murderous thoughts as those I have felt since being married. Fortunately, those are rare and, obviously, I don't act on them.
whoa. this is definitely one i must post my 2 cents about. on one hand, my take on the love/hate phrase (which i have used before) was that there was no happy medium. it was either all or nothin. you are either getting along fantastic together or you want to tear each other's heads off. now that i've read your take on it, and it hit so VERY close to home, it pains me to say I agree with you bob. a very astute (?spelling) observation. ukwur
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