Well, Bob’s brain is working overtime again tonight. I’ve been thinking about my encounter with the woman in the grocery store. I’m wondering why I didn’t/couldn’t/wouldn’t take her up on her offer of a rendezvous. I passed on something that some people wouldn’t. It was also something I thought I’d do if I had the chance. Truth be told, this is the second time I’ve had the chance. It’s weird when you start thinking that you really don’t know yourself all that well.
I’m not proud of it. I’m also not upset about it. Right now I’m just surprised at the fact that I don’t have any feeling about it at all. A complete emotional detachment and an analytical curiosity about the suddenness and finality of it all is what I’m feeling.
I do wonder if I hadn’t felt so embarrassed at the time would I have acted differently toward her offer. Or did I subconsciously doubt her sincerity, believing that she was still testing me? Would I have decided differently if I were sure it wasn’t a test?
See how the mind can make a problem where there shouldn’t be one?
Makes me wonder about what I think I’m capable of and what I am actually capable of. Am I someone who would react just as quickly to a friend in need? Am I someone who could let a kid eat a bug in his ice cream cone? Would I dive right in to save the world from flesh eating zombies at the risk of myself? Things like that make you wonder.
I don’t believe in worrying about this kind of stuff too much. I’m not really worried at all. I guess I’m feeling some kind of after the fact surprise at how it all happened. I’ve been known to try to analyze things that should be just left alone.
Whatever the deal about it is, I guess it’s past now, so I’ll let it at that. I hope to have the opportunity again some time. Just to see how I react in a different situation. You know, just for the scientific-like study.....
6 comments:
Isn't that why we're going to the movies? You know, just for the scientific-like study.....
(I think she was teasing you and testing you personally.) But how about this reason for putting this out of your mind... the ring on your left hand.
Bob, it's called morals. Are you suprised to have them? They do tend to sneak up on you...
Yeah CL, that's the *only* reason I'd like to go to the movies with you. ;)
Egghe, you're right. Everyone has moments like this. I think I make being married harder than it should be.
Meritt, my impression is that she was testing me. Maybe it was that darned ole ring. I dunno.
Jody, I'm usually surprised when I find my morals jumping up at me. I talk bigger than I act I guess. Or at least I think bigger than I act.
Susie, umm..., tell me what you think, OK? Don't pull any punches. I can take it. You know me too well to try to get by you. Sheesh!
You also know that my history of "feeling "extra" special to someone new for about 6 months" is all I see in relationships anyway. When it's time put a bit more effort and excitement into what you already have, I wonder just what the point is. Maybe these things are changing in me and this post is generated from my surprise at that realization? This is the longest relationship I've ever had.
I'm sure glad you are checking in these days. Have I mentioned that yet?
Oh, Bob. Everyone goes through this. I just think it's the fact that you are comfortable with your current situation that you didn't immediately take the bait. (Although I bet she was just teasing/testing you. Women do that, you know.) I overthink things too, But as an outsider,I think you're getting yourself too concerned about what you may think you may be losing (swinging lifestyle, independent masculinity) rather than thinking about what you've gained with Nicci.
Unless you're truly restless, and then I'm completely off-base. :)
So who might this "Susie" girl be. She really kind of sounds VERY familiar! Oh well, probadly my imagination, huh? But I do like her way of thinking.
Rod
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