Tonight on the way home I had to make a quick stop at the grocery store. No big deal, just needed to restock the Cherry Pepsi supply. So I get inside and head for the soda aisle and when I was almost there, I noticed an old friend. She was someone I worked with for several years, most of which we were pretty close friends. I hadn’t seen her for some time. So I walk up behind her and lean close to her shoulder and say as sexy as I can, “Hey baby. Shop here often?”
Imagine her surprise when she turned around and saw… a complete stranger. Nope. I’m not kidding. She didn’t know me. I didn’t know her. I’d never seen her before in my life.
I just stood there for what seemed like forever with my mouth hanging wide open, blushing hard. I knew I was blushing because I got really hot. Did you ever have such an embarrassment that you felt your face turn to fire? Well, that was me.
After a few seconds of looking me over, she looked me right in the eye and with a half smirk on her face she said quietly “Excuse me?”
This is one of those times, rare for me, that I was at a loss. She was waiting, I couldn’t read her thoughts and I couldn’t speak.
Finally I managed to tell her I was sorry. That I thought she was someone else. She wasn’t buying that either. The conversation went like this:
Me: I am so sorry. I thought you were an old friend of mine.
She: Uh huh. Well, what’s this supposed friends name?
Me: (Realizing she was testing me.) Her name is ---- ----. She’s from ------. Do you know her?
She: Nope. Never heard of her. So, I look like her?
Me: Oh yes. You really look like her. More from the back, but… (Oops!)
She: So you prefer seeing women from the rear?
Me: That’s not what I meant. I just meant that I didn’t look close enough before I put my foot in my mouth.
She: So you’d prefer I turn around so you can get a closer look?
Me: …???… (I wasn’t getting yet that she was thoroughly enjoying my discomfort.)
She: (Turning around, talking over her shoulder.) So, is your friend prettier than me?
Me: (Immediately) Nope. No way. I must be tired or something. You are much prettier than her. (YB on the rebound from dopesville.) I don’t know how I missed it.
She: (Laughing now.) I’m sorry. I just can’t help messing with you. That was the cheesiest pseudo pick up line I’ve ever heard.
Me: It was supposed to be cheesy. I was joking.
She: Yeah, I believe you… now. At first I thought you were some freak, but after seeing your reaction, I know you are being honest. Do you always mess with your lady friends like that?
Me: Always…..
After this, we stood and talked for a while. She actually turned out to be very nice. She was 23, just finishing up college. We chit-chatted for a while (Anyone who knows me knows how I despise small talk) but the embarrassment never really left me. Even though she was friendly afterward, I couldn’t shake it.
Now comes the real surprise:
Me: Well, I’ve gotta go. It’s been nice meeting you, even under these circumstances.
She: OK. Thanks for the free entertainment. The grocery store isn’t usually this fun.
Me: Well, I’m glad you’re understanding. Next time I run into you here, I’ll try to come up with something better.
She: Well, how about we don’t wait for a shopping trip.
Me: (Total blank stare.) Huh?
She: This turned out to be fun. We should get together some time.
Me: Uhhh… You know I’m married, right?
She: Yeah, that’s OK. You seem like a nice guy. I think we could have fun hanging out.
Me: (Sorely tempted, to be honest.) Uhmm… Much as I’d like to, I just can’t do that. (Now I’m embarrassed for a totally different reason.) It’s been nice meeting you. And any other time in my life…..
She: OK. Are you sure? I'm serious.
Me: I wish.
She: OK. Have it your way.
And she walked away, leaving me stunned. I’ll never know for sure if she was testing me to see if maybe I was just using a cheesy pick-up line on her earlier or if she really did want to get together with a married guy.
Why didn’t things like that happen when I could explore the possibilities? Damn the luck. If I had tried, I couldn’t have come up with a line that would get her talking to me like that. I accidentally hit the right one. Not at the right time. Figures.
All I wanted was some Cherry Pepsi.
9 comments:
Oh no... she stoked your ego. (Which was already sky high! Bah ha).
I want to shop at your grocery store. Nothing ever happens at mine.
You have all the luck, Bob! I once did exactly the same thing except I walked up beind my "friend" and put my arms arond her. All I got for my trouble was an elbow in the gut from the lady I'd never seen before...
Lor, what am I gonna do with you?
Yeah Meritt, I guess the ego biscuit would have been better if I could have shaken the embarrassment. I still feel like a smacked ass.
CL, I stop at 3 different ones, depending on where and when I'm traveling. I guess there's more opportunities that way.
Ian, I'm glad I didn't try for a hug! Geez, that would be worse.
Jen, exciting? I dunno. Myself, I'd have to say embarrassing, confused... kind of eventful. That's what happens when you aren't self aware enough, I guess.
John, it didn't go the way I first thought it would either. And yes, I got the Cherry Pepsi.
HA!!HA!!
I can't believe she was trying to pick you up in the end. I hear there are girls like that out there. Funny story though. Your grocery store always sounds like fun.
Holy smokes Bob, that is quite the adventure. You always have the best stories. I wish I could be that cool. I think I will have to try that "situation" sometime.
Spring training is under one month away. It can't get here soon enough. With out hockey (I'm Canadian), I'm an wreck. The next best thing is baseball (did I mention I'm Canadian, it is the law to like hockey above all other sports). :)
Yeah J, I couldn't have pulled that one off by honestly trying. Figures.
So Peachy, you think she was a 'married guy/no strings' babe? Maybe I'm a bigger wimp than I thought.
Come on up Ropemonkey. We'll shop till we drop.
Yeah Giest, I guess that's why our women give us rings. Good reminders.
Hey Jermey. I don't know about the cool part. I'm more inclined to think that these situations find me because I don't see them coming quickly enough to avoid them.
I didn't know that was a law. I just thought it was. Baseball can't get back too soon. There's just no substitute!
Actually J, I'm considering starting a LiveJournal for Baseball. I do have a lot to say about The Yankees and all the other scrubs that try to be like them, but it doesn't fit in well here. That's probably what I'll do since this blog is so much fun the way it is.
single girls LOVE married men because they're supposedly "safe"... i used to hit on married men ALL THE TIME. i mean, they were always REALLY flattered and they were fun.
she was probably serious... but good for you for not giving in! :)
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