It's Not Always Sunshine And Roses Here

I’ve noticed some things about myself lately. I’m a dope. I’m an idiot. I’m a dork. I’m a wimp.

I’m a dope because I sucker for things I shouldn’t. I talk myself into believing things that I shouldn’t. Like looking at a situation and knowing it isn’t right for me, but I talk myself into thinking I would eventually like it. That somehow it must be right. That what I see is really what I want, even when I truthfully know it isn’t. What a dope.

I’m an idiot because I think that somehow I can handle living life against my true nature. Against my true personality. That somehow I’ll get used to it and then I’ll be a little happy. That somehow by suppressing the real me life will be better. What an idiot.

I’m a dork because I don’t learn from my mistakes. I know who the people are in this life that truly are friends and who know the real me. But they still like me anyway. They get annoyed at me, with me and by me, but they still care about me. I care about them but I don’t let them know. I’m trained to be an ‘out of sight - out of minder’. What a dork.

I’m a wimp because I let this life roll over me. It controls me and changes me and worst of all, it restricts me until I feel like there is no air left anywhere. I allowed this to happen and because of the idea I have of what I ‘should be like’ I do nothing but muddle through. Can’t hurt other people’s feelings, not for what appears to be selfish reasons. What a wimp.

These are the things I learn when I take a look at me these days. Not real encouraging, is it?

Here’s some advice:

Don’t get sidetracked by an idea or an image of what you think is OK. If you have to think about it too much, it probably isn’t OK. Don’t talk yourself into an important decision. Go with what your insides tell you is right.

Don’t lose your ideas and personal truths. Be true to your core personality. Keeping your core person happy is your responsibility and no one else can do it for you. Besides, they have their own to keep happy. They can’t be trusted with yours.

Don’t lose sight of the people who are real in your life. They really aren’t that abundant, the ones who put up with all of your stuff and still like your company. A good friend once told me to “choose your direction with the wisdom of past experience”. Take that to heart.

Don’t let a someone be your reason. For anything. A someone is only a someone until they become a person that you know. Then they become a something and you may or may not like that something. Be your own reason so that when a someone comes along, you don’t end up needing them more than wanting them. There is a huge difference.

Thus endeth tonight’s philosophy lesson. Learn it, Love it, Live it. ;)