This post really doesn't need to be commented on. (You can if you want to.) I am just putting down my thoughts and feelings about this whole 'new job drama' while they are fresh in my mind. Then I can look back later to remember it all. This is supposed to be a journal after all.
I sat and talked with the current boss about the new job offer on Wednesday. She and I discussed several ideas she had for changing the department around to make it "more interesting for me". The truth is, I'm not disinterested. Maybe I didn't make my self clear enough. That's easily a possibility. Her ideas were all things I would not want to do. We agreed to talk more about it as the week progressed.
That evening I got a call from the new job wanting an answer. They needed to move on getting the new person in place. The project was a high priority. I know the HR Manager as a friend and told her I wasn't 100% sure yet. She told me they might have to retract the offer if it went too long. Now, I know these are techniques that 'sales' type people use to get things moving. I'm no dope. But she is a friend too so I had to take it somewhat seriously. I decided that I couldn't go back into the current job with no options. The boss was laying out new responsibilities that I did not want. Plus, the cat was now 'out of the bag' so to speak that I was bored and needing something new. There was no way I could go into work and say "I have turned them down. Now what ideas do you have for torturing me here." (That's what I envisioned would happen.) So I told the new place I would accept. I saw no other option.
The truth is I am happy here. I like what I do and the people are great. (Most of them.) But as I tried to explain to the cry baby boss, I feel like I have taken a break from work for the past 3 years. There is no challenge. There is nothing to look forward to. I do the same thing all the time. I like it but I came from a high pace, high stress situation. I took this job because I needed a break from that high pace environment. But now I may be done taking that break.
I say that because now when I get to look at something new (the new job) and I start thinking about how I could work out the kinks and how I would handle the processes my mind gets excited. It hasn't been used a lot in the last 3 years or so. It liked the idea of the challenge. Yes, I have it easy where I am. No stress. But is it healthy? I think not. Not for someone like me anyway. I think I am done taking a break from working for a living. It is so easy here that I feel bad about taking the money sometimes. I feel like I work half days but am paid for full days. My brain is more and more upest about that.
As for this company being "sloppy seconds" as Meritt commented last week, I do not see it as that. I had the same thing happen back in November. I got a call and when I saw the new potential job, my mind wouldn't let go. I am still sad that it didn't work out. I would love to still be there. But that has all been documented.
This company really is second rate though. The only reason it is still in business is that a big parent company is dumping money into it to keep it open. This place has not been making a profit for years. The other reason it is still operating is that the service we provide to clients is very specialized. It is in demand and not a lot of places do the same thing. Given proper mamagement, it would do very well. But the place is cursed with mediocre managers, a bad reputation in the industry and complacency with the majority of the employees. (Like I described earlier.) It is like a disease here. A person comes in full of piss-n-vinegar and eventually figures out that they don't have to be that way. That doing just enough to get by is like doing an awesome job here. The culture here makes you lazy. I am embarrassed to say that I have become like that too. Not toally and irrevocably, but it is what it is.
So I go into the bosses office to talk more about the future. This is what we had planned to do. (Her plan.) But now I have this whole thing of a 2 week notice hanging over my head. I wanted to find out just what we could do to keep me from having to move to another job. I really could have been into staying. I believe she has the potential to change our area of the world at least. Hopefully it will be a start for the rest of the company to change the culture. But instead she flew off and jumped on me (see last week's post). Never gave me a chance to explain what happened and why. She took it personally for some reason. Then on Friday she was in and out of this office many times being obvious about not talking to me. She hasn't said word one to me yet. This is a professional?
She spouted off about loyalty and how she values that above all else. I think she should stop it. She walks around telling everyone about how at her previous job she built her team all by herself. How that team, every member, was hand picked and how it worked very well. It was runing very smoothly. Then in the next breath she talks about how that company got into trouble with the government and if they don't fix some major issues they will be closed down. So she left. She left that hand picked team at the worst time imaginable for them. Where is the loyalty there? Please!
I'm tired of worrying about the whole thing. Maybe I could have handled something better. That's always a possibility with me. But I couldn't help the timing of the thing. I certainly can't help being interested in the new challenge. Especially since I have been living wihout any challenges for a while. I think maybe my subconscious is telling me I need to get back into the fire. That I am done taking the easy way. Maybe I'm just crazy because I can work here for a long time (barring the company folding which is always a threat here) and do little but have enough. I don't like that idea so that's why it has been so dangerous for me to consider other offers. I never went looking for a new job. Both times I was called by people who know me and trust me.
The end result is that I don't think I could stay and work for this woman anyway. If she is the type to take things personally all the time and if she is one of those "do as I say not as I do people" like it seems (reference the loyalty issues) then I will be glad to be away from her.
I am supposed to meet with the GM today or tomorrow to discuss all this stuff. We'll see how that goes.
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