I got back from the wilds of Kansas late Wednesday night. Everything went OK with the trip. Just one pain-in-the-butt delay on the take off from Atlanta. We were delayed, after already loading on the plane, for 2 hours. There was a big-ass storm across Tennessee & Virginia that we couldn't fly through so they made us sit on the runway for 2 hours until it was safe to fly through. That was a weird feeling. Knowing you are headed through a storm that they waited to become less strong so we could get through. Yeah, fun.
But Kansas wasn't all that different from home. Except that there really isn't a hill to be seen. I've heard all the talk about how flat it is there but to see it is really different. There are no hills to be seen. The horizon is just 'earth meets sky' for as far as you can see. Where I live you can look in any direction and see mountains. It was a little odd.
I never found Dorothy. I think she was busy polishing her red shoes or something while we were there. Figures.
I did meet my first hooker. Really, I did. She was what she called "an escort". She was a very light skinned black woman with pretty blue eyes. Very sexy. We were at a club the last evening and she started talking to me. I thought (at first) "Gee, this hottie must like me for some reason". She was real friendly. It didn't take too long to find out what she was there for. She wanted $300 for an hour of fun. Can you imagine that? $300 bucks an hour? No one is worth $300 bucks an hour. (With the possible exception of Dorothy herself). I asked her why she was at the club and not at the escort service. She said she was working 'out of the office' that night. LOL
It didn't take her long to realize she wasn't getting money from me so she moved on fast. But I couldn't help myself while she was with me to keep asking questions about her chosen career. Basically what I got from her was that she liked sex.... a lot.... and liked the variety of different partners. Cool. I asked about diseases and stuff but she said she always has safe sex. I wanted to know how she could be sure she was safe but she got wise to me and nicely (and professionally) excused herself.
I found it very ironic that the first hooker I ever met (aside from the legal ones in Europe) was in Kansas. When Lisa and I went to New York the last time we kept looking for one. We just wanted to see a real live prostitute. Never did see one. Every big city I go to I always have that in mind. I just want to see what they look like. So there I am in Kansas, hayseed central, and I never even considered that I'd meet an 'escort'. But whatta ya know? Ironic I guess.
I also noticed that country music is unavoidable in Kansas. It's annoying here but there it's downright obnoxious. I even heard a song there that some of the lyrics were "she finds my tractor sexy" or something like that. I laughed and laughed at that one. I keep telling Nicci that I can write crappy stuff like that, give it a country twang, and get rich. If that is a popular song, I know for sure I can do it. Just write something you feel is moronic and sell it as country and wah-la! Instant millions.
She finds my tractor sexy. Sheesh!
YoJ, you remember how we talked about writing country music? Told you we should have done it.
Ok, what else? Oh yeah, the teeth. Now before I go further I want you to know that I am in no way making this up. OK... the waitresses in most of the places in the little town we visited (not the city) were so nice. The problem with that was that they smiled a lot. Usually thats a good thing. But not one of them had teeth that should have been shown to the public. One girl, sweetest of them all, smiled at me and I about ran. Her teeth were all brown and the front ones were just nubs. I couldn't stop looking. Then the bigger girl, also very nice, smiled at us and she pretty much had no teeth. There were a couple of gray stragglers still hanging on but mostly they were all gone. This was the general rule in that town. Not the exception.
The guy who was hosting our visit told us that when he came to town the first time he went everywhere looking for a toothbrush and toothpaste. When he finally stopped at the local drug store he asked the woman at the front where he could find them. He said she just looked at him and said "You're not from around here, are ya?" He told her he was from Chicago. Then she said "Yeah, I could tell you was from somewhere else. We ain't got none here." He had to drive into the city to find a toothbrush and toothpaste.
It's a different world altogether in some places, eh?
All in all it was a good trip. The people in Kansas were all very friendly. Most of them anyway. The scenery sucked but I'm used to something way different. To someone else, maybe its OK. The business end was good. So I think we did ok in the end. I am glad to be home though. Most trips that happens with me. I haven't found any place, other than the beach, that makes me want to stay there forever. I guess there really is no place like home. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment