Don't Do It.....

...you really can't take me anywhere. That's the truth. I mean you caaan... if you don't get uptight about a grown person acting not quite so grown.

Tonight Nicci and I went out for dinner. She insisted, I really wasn't in the mood. We get inside and the boy at the front asks "Smoking or Non-smoking?" Well, Nicci is allergic to cigarette smoke, so we asked to be as far from the smoking section as possible. He smiles and says no problem, then proceeds to take us to a table right next to the smoking section. This was one of those places where a little wall just tall enough to reach above the tables separates the smoking and non-smoking section. (Who designs these places anyway?) He turns to us and starts to ask if this table is OK, but all he gets from me is *hack*hack*cough*cough*. He looked startled but he got the message when I started grabbing at my throat like I couldn't breathe and started doing my best Darth Vader impression.

We got a table out on the enclosed porch area. The farthest you can get from the smoking section.

That was fun.

Luckily for us there were several small kids seated right next to our table in the cool people who don't smoke area. When I say "lucky for us", I mean for me and the 2 kids nearby. They were a bit shy at first but when I did the 'rolling eyes' trick a few times, I got their attention quick. (For those of you who don't remember, I can roll my eyes in strange ways when I want to. I save it for special occasions.) Soon we had 2 adopted kids visiting us begging for me to amuse them and a couple annoyed parents apologizing for their kids rudeness at coming over to play. I did finally fess up to the eye trick and when their food came, the kids settled down OK. I was glad. Sometimes kids don't chill out quick enough for their parents and I feel a little responsible. ;)

Funny thing about where we were seated, we were next to a window and outside the window was the parking lot. Now, there wasn't any sidewalk right next to the window, but people would inexplicably get out of their cars and walk behind the bushes and go right up against the wall where we would almost be nose to nose with them when they went by. I was weirded out by their strange routs, mostly because there were a lot of them doing that and the perfectly good sidewalk to the front door was going to waste. Naturally, I had to correct this situaton for others who would be subjected to it once we were gone. So I decided that every time someone came by that close and looked in to see what I was having for dinner, I would show them.

I scored big almost immediately. A couple got out of their car and the woman, being the sensible person she was, used the sidewalk. The man walked around the bushes, against the wall and when he got to where we were, he looked in at me. I knew he wanted to see what I was having for dinner, so I showed him. I opened my mouth real wide to show him the big chunk of well chewed steak I had been working on, just for this occasion. The look on his face was priceless. He stopped walking for a second and did a double take. He then hurried to his woman and turned to point at me. (I just pretended that nothing was happening.)

Nicci gave me a kick under the table, but she was also laughing pretty hard. Before the meal was done, I managed to allow 2 other people to see what my partially digested steak looked like just before being swallowed. I know 2 things for sure; First, those 3 people will think twice before taking the 'stupid people route' at that restaurant again and second, I'll bet they didn't have steak.

Nothing much else happened tonight. I did have a little fun even though I didn't want to go out. Oh well, another chapter in the life of "you can't take YB anywhere". At least not safely. ;)