Too Bad There Aren't Any Real Superheroes

Recently Spacebrain and I were talking about how crime in the city of Baltimore is scary. Real scary. There is a new Police Commissioner that ‘has a plan’. He’s the 3rd one in the last 4-5 years. I don’t have a lot of faith that his plan will be any better than the previous ones. So we came up with a plan for the city; we decided Baltimore needs a superhero. That is the only way we can see them making any headway.

Imagine if there really was a Superhero around. That would be really cool! When someone is attacked by a mugger and they call out for help, suddenly a stolid caped figure appears from seemingly out of no where, renders the attacker unconscious, rescuing the poor victim and returning their stolen property. All while some really intense sounding music sounds from somewhere. (Probably form an IPOD in his belt.)

Shortly after that, the victim begins laughing. Not with joy. Laughing hysterically at the heroes outfit. Calling him rude names. Telling him he needs to see Queer Eye for the Straight Guy so that he can learn to dress better when in public. Next the victim looks over her pocketbook and notices some damage, probably occurring when the hero grabbed it from the thief. Now she’s pissed and makes immediate plans to bring him before Judge Judy for compensation.

Next the Police arrive. They arrest the would be thief, listen to his complaint and then attempt to place the Superhero into custody also. Not for trying to help out, but for assaulting the robber. Then the lawsuits pile up, one on top of the other.

Being a Superhero would not be a profitable thing to try. Especially in this city. I think it would end up exactly like in The Incredibles and the heroes would become the victims of the lawyers and the media saturated idiots that can’t appreciate them for what they are.

I guess the new guy better have a good plan. Better than the last 2 guys. He’s not getting any help from Superheroes in this town. Too bad. I think it would be really cool if they did exist. Although I don’t think a guy wearing a cape and leotards is the best way to go around the city.

Now if it was a female Superhero, that’s a different story.