Have you ever been talking with someone and something just pops out of your mouth that makes the whole conversation just stop? I do that a lot. It's kind of an epidemic with me, especially after too much caffeine. Here are a few examples of my latest faux pas's (how the heck does one make that plural?):
This past weekend Nicci was reminiscing with my Aunt & Uncle about how we've been doing as a couple. She was telling them that we had accomplished a lot since we got together. She mentioned a lot of stuff that she thought was positive and when she looked at me and said "We've gained a lot together, haven't we?" I said, "Yeah, I have a drawer full of underwear now." The room got very quiet.
What I meant was that when I was single, I didn't think about dumb stuff like underwear. I had just enough to get by and absolutely could not miss laundry day or I was screwed. I meant it as a positive thing. It sounded dumb.
Recently I went to play a round of golf with some friends and on the first tee I swung and dug a big hole right behind the ball. It never moved. I said, "Crap, I keep doing that." One of the guys started laughing hard and said, "It's the first hole!" What was in my mind was that I had been doing that a lot lately and it seemed to carry over into that round too. It sounded dumb.
In the hospital, a man who was sharing the room with my Uncle had been there for over a week was having serious trouble going to the can. He hadn't been able to go since he had arrived and it was making him much sicker. When they told me again that he still was having problems I said, "Do you think his underwear is too tight?" A silent room again. I have no explanation for where that one came from. He obviously wasn't wearing any underwear, but that thought popped into my head and out it came. (He got a good laugh out of it at least.) It sounded dumb.
Along the same lines, when I was told that the same guy had ended up in the hospital because he was using a ladder improperly and fell off of it, I said "Dumbass." Of course it turned out to be his wife telling me the story. I'll bet they really like me a lot. That was dumb.
Not too long ago I ran into an old girlfriend and she was telling me that her Mom had finally found out why she was always feeling sick. She had been diagnosed with Lyme Disease. My first thought and, of course the first thing out of my mouth, was "I wonder if it's green?" Nice.
The best part? She just looked thoughtful and then said, "I don't think so." She always was a true blond.
Yep, it’s always an adventure trying to keep all my thoughts from just popping out of my mouth before thinking first. I was telling Spacebrain recently that if I still had hair, I would definitely be a blond.
No doubt.
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