BS Friday

Welcome to BS Friday. You know the routine, I'll write it, you tell me if it is truth or just plain old BS. This weeks edition is called "Revenge Is A Relative Thing"

I have a cruel streak. I think maybe everyone has the capability to be mean or cruel, but I like mine. Sometimes I embrace it and even have fun with it.

I laugh when someone falls down. I enjoy seeing celebrity divorces. I think it’s awesome when posers are exposed, like Jim Bakker and Milli Vanilli... oh and along those lines, Ashley Simpson. Sometimes I like to see bad things happen. I can’t help myself.

One time in particular I used this secret power for a bit of revenge. I ran into this woman that I knew from high school. I actually saw her in the mall and didn’t recognize her at first. When I did recognize her I thought I’d quickly go the other way. But after I got a better look, my cruel streak wouldn’t let me just walk away.

In school, she was one of the ‘Princesses’. Beautiful & popular, she seemed destined for some kind of special life. She had transferred into our class from Catholic school in Jr. high, 8th grade. Everyone immediately went ga ga over her. Beautiful blond hair and blue eyes. A well developed physique already. (That just got better as we progressed in grades too.) She was athletic and naturally was a cheerleader. She also got to be one of the more stuck up people in school. Her goal in life was to be a famous model or movie star. She just knew she would make it big. Everyone thought she would too.

I remember that I used to talk with her a lot since we had a lot of classes together. I thought we were friends but at some point in 10th grade (the first year in senior high) she decided that I wasn’t ‘her type’ anymore. She blew me off and never spoke to me much at all. She told everybody that she just couldn’t be seen with someone who ‘lived in that part of town’. Yeah, we weren’t well off but there was no sense in being like that. At least she could have kept that opinion to herself. In my mind it was “goodbye fake friend, hello shit list”.

Now there she was, right in front of me, and she was all fat, double chinned, waddling down the Mall hallway, dragging a kid around and married to her loser high school boyfriend, the grease monkey mechanic. Pure glamour. I had to say hello. ;)

She came right for me and moved to give me a hug. When she did, I intentionally let out a huge exhale and said “Whoa, you’re gonna crush me.” She laughed and we talked for a while. She told me it was great to see me and asked the usual questions, where do you work? Are you married? Have you seen anyone from school? The usual crap. I mentioned that I never got to see anyone from school, blah blah blah. Here is some of the conversation:

Her: “How have you been?”
Me: “Great. I never get to see anyone from school, especially someone of your stature. It's a biiig deal to see you.”
Her: “Aww, that’s nice.”
Me: “No really, I don’t’ come here much. It’s a fat chance in hell that we would meet. This is a pretty heavy moment for me.”
Her: “Thanks. It’s good to see you too. You look good.”
Me: “Thanks. You... er, um, look... um different somehow. I can’t figure it out.”
Her: “Oh, I think I’m basically the same as in school.”
Me: “No, there’s a big change in you. I’m just not sure what it is I’m seeing.”
Her: “Maybe it’s my hair. It’s shorter now.”
Me: “Maybe. I dunno, but there’s a biig change on you.”
Her: “It’s my hair. I finally changed the style after all those years of having it the same way.”
Me: “Well, I guess you outgrew that style.”
Her: “Yeah, it was time to grow up a little.”
Me: “Yep, looks like you did a good job of growing.”

Just then her kid piped up and asked who I was. I looked over and about cracked up. The kid had a huuuge overbite. I think she could have eaten a Big Mac through a picket fence. Wow! I mentioned that I knew her mama up until the 10th grade. Then I asked her if she liked Big Macs. She laughed and said she loved McDonald’s fries. So I said “I’ll bet your Mama loooves Big Macs, doesn’t she?” She laughed and said she really really did. I almost lost it again. I looked at her Mom and said “We all need to be Super-sized sometimes, eh?”

Then her Husband walked up. He stopped for a minute and when he recognized me he shook my hand and said the usual pleasantries. I was stunned. Here was Joe Jock, the love of all the high school babes, super-sized himself with almost no hair left on his head! He had this little tiny streak from ear to ear, but nothing else. Just a nice shiny head.

As we chatted I mentioned that his kid had taken a shine to me and that I had heard he had a fat career in spare tires and stuff. He laughed and told me all about how he was still working for his Dad at the shop and yada yada yada… I asked if he still played ball but he said that he couldn’t what with work and all the family stuff. He winked and said “You know, gotta keep the woman satisfied”. I laughed and said I bet he liked to roll around with her still.

Soon I said my goodbyes and told them I was happy to see they had a well rounded family and all. As I walked away with a smirk on my face I realized that most of that had just flown over their heads. But I had just had a great time. I felt satisfied.

Maybe this isn’t as cruel as some things. But I really had a good time with it.