Adventures In Grocery Shopping

I have decided that the grocery store and single lane roads are very much alike. Both have narrow lanes/aisles; both have inconsiderate idiots; both have annoying old beyotches that slow down the works.

I was in the grocery store tonight and right inside the door this big fat old round annoying slow-poke of a woman was just standing in the doorway. The doors were automatic and they were stuck open because her fat ass was just standing there. I waited a little bit for her to move but she didn't. (It reminded me of a dumb ass driver that won't get moving unless the road is clear for 5 miles.) I then nicely said "Excuse me" and started to try to go around her. She looked right at me, rolled her eyes and started walking real slow into the place. Waddling was more like it.

She stayed in the middle of the aisle, slowly working her way along, casually glancing my way as I looked for an opportunity to get around her cheesy butt. Every time I had an opening, either she would move in that direction or some other a-hole would miraculously show up and block my path. It was a conspiracy I tell ya! It's just like when you are stuck behind some slow ass driver and every time a passing zone comes around there is one car in the other lane that blocks the way.

Literally after about 5 minutes of trying to get around Mrs. Flabbuns I had had enough. She stopped in the middle of the aisle, pretending to look at something (she wasn't really looking, I know she was just there to irritate me) and when she looked around to see where I was I just walked right into her. I put my hand on her shoulder, said excuse me while holding her in place and took the 386 steps necessary to get around her. She looked surprised, like she had never seen me before. I walked quickly down the aisle muttering horrible nasty things about her and anyone else I happened upon. That part was fun!

I swear, patience is something you are supposed to get the older you get, right? With me I think it's the opposite.