My History With Jessica

Since it is Jessica Simpson Uber-Fan day here, I will confess the truth about my affections for her. Not too many people know that Jess and I have a history together. Unfortunately, it hasn't work out quite the way I ....err.... we had planned. Not yet anyway. So I'll let you know now the truth behind our whirlwind romance using some personal photos.


This is a pic from the first time I ever met Jess. She was working and someone was bugging her a lot so she yelled real loud at them, "Would you please get a grip!!!"



Well, I just happened to be working as a grip on the set and when her assistant forced me to come to meet her, I let go of what I was gripping, which just happened to be some water for special effects and this was the result.



Her dress was ruined. So to make it up to her, I took her shopping. Well, I offered to take her shopping anyway. Here you can see that she just didn't like too much stuff we were seeing. Well, stuff she was seeing since they wouldn't let me into the store. But I waited patiently outside for her.



Here is a picture of Jessica yelling at me. She was kinda upset. I was filling in for her assistant one or two days. I think this was the time I forgot to bring in her JuJuBees from the car and they got stuck to her seat. It was kinda messy so I didn't blame her.



Here is a pic. of Jessica's new hair style. I picked this out for her. Well, I guess I should say I helped her pick it out. During work one day my gum somehow got stuck in her hair and they had to cut it shorter to get rid of it. It turned out nice though, don't you think? Yeah, I do like being helpful.



Here is a funny picture of Jess teasing me. I had just asked her if we could be more than friends and have a date. She's such a crack-up!



Not long into our friendship, Jess started feeling bad. Every time I saw her she would take a drink of this stuff called Maalox. It didn't seem like she liked it much.




Here is a pic I took when Jessica and I were supposed to go to McDonald's for lunch. Well, she actually didn't say she wanted to go to McDonald's. She didn't even mention having lunch with me that day come to think of it but the Cops were so confused that day that they kept getting between us. They didn't even remember my name. They kept calling me Stalker. Funny name, eh?




I tagged along with her... well, behind her in my car anyway, to the Police Station. Here is a pic I took at the Police Station. She said I couldn't go with her. Actually, the Cops said so. She wore a real nice outfit that day. Something about needing to make sure the Police would help her out. I think it worked.



Here is a pic I took of Jessica wearing a disguise. She told some mutual friends that some jerk was following her around everywhere. I wasn't fooled but I sure hope that jerk was.




Here is one I took at a charity event. See how surprised and excited Jessica was to see me? Yeah, I was happy too!




Here is a pic of the last time I saw Jessica. She was practicing with her new self-defense weapon. I heard her say something about that guy 'Stalker' again. (The one the Cops mistook me for.) I guess he was still following her around. I pity him when she uses that gun on him. Yikes!




I saw this recently. I guess I feel a little responsible. I know I have the Kavorka and I should have stayed clear of her, since she was a newlywed and all. But I couldn't help myself.



So now I'm just sitting here by the phone waiting for that call. I know it's coming. As soon as it does, I'll be posting more happy pics. Wish me luck!