What I Would Say To Them

Last week I did a post where I was wondering what a conversation with Jennifer Love Hewitt would be like. I was thinking about that this morning and then I started wondering just what I would really say to a celebrity if I had the chance. Here are a few things I would definitely say:

To Jennifer Love Hewitt I would say: "How you Doin?" (Using my best Joey Tribiani voice)

To Sandra Bullock I would say: "WTF?"

To Tom Cruise I would say: "Shut the f&$k up!"

To Katie Holmes I would say: "I know this clinic where they cure brainwashings. I can help you."

To Angelina Jolie I would say: "You are the prettiest freak I've ever known. Seriously, I meant that as a compliment."

To Bill Clinton I would say: "Of all the women you could have chosen...?"

To Halle Berry I would say: "How you Doin?" (JT voice again)

To Ashley Simpson I would say: "Loved that little dance you did on SNL."

To Jessica Simpson I would say: "You actually chose The Dukes Of Hazard as your first movie?"

To Paul McCartney I would say: "I think you are boring but here's Cindy Lou's number anyway."

To Tom Cruise I would say: "I want to meet your parents so I can smack them for producing you!"

To Britney Spears I would say: "You can take the girl out of the sticks but you just can't take the 'redneck' out of the girl, can you?"

To Celine Dion I would say: "Shut the f&$k up!"

To Eliza Dushku I would say: "So, you did Tru Calling and not a Buffy spinoff. How'd that work out for you?"

To Nicole Kidman I would say: "Aren't you glad he's not your problem anymore. BTW, How you Doin?"

To Brad Pitt I would say: "You're so pretty!"

To Viggo Mortensen I would say: "Wasn't Viggo the evil guy in Ghostbusters II? Were you related?"

To Ben Affleck I would say: "I guess you are proof that going to a stripper can turn out OK, eh?"

To Paris Hilton I would say: "Nicole Richie is way cooler than you."

To Nicole Richie I would say: "Paris Hilton is way cooler than you."

To Rebecca Romijn-Stamos I would say: "How you Doin?"

To Johnny Depp I would say: "How you Doin?"

To Keanu Reeves I would say: "Give it up. You suck."

To Madonna I would say: "Were you ever really a virgin?"

To Salma Hayek I would say: "Cómo sean usted haciendo?"

To Orlando Bloom I would say: "Don't make a movie with Angelina Jolie. You could be next on her list."

To Tom Cruise I would say: "Don't make any more movies, unless it's with Angelina Jolie. (That would be great for Katie). Oh, and shut the f&$k up!"


That's all I can think of right now. What celebrity would you like to say something to? ;)