Quiznos Has Dangerous Parking

I just had the strangest visit to Quiznos I’ve ever had. It had nothing to do with the store itself. Everything inside went well, including my luck at getting the pretty blonde who works there to make my salad. (She always adds extra chicken and fronts me extra dressing for no charge.) It was outside that the goofballs were running free.

Let me set this up… I had just pulled straight in when I parked. There was another parking area straight in front of me separated by a concrete barrier that was situated in the opposite direction. So out of my front window I was facing the drivers side door of a parked car. It just happened to be a new Magnum, just like CL was writing about today. It still had temporary tags on it. Both parking spots beside me were empty when I came out, but this was a soon to be an altered situation. **Imagine ominous sounding music here.**

I started my car, strapped in and got ready to go. As I look around I notice that from out of nowhere there is now a line of cars wanting to come into the parking area. An older woman in a Nissan comes in first and goes right by. I assumed she was parking closer to the store. Wrong. Once she disappeared from view another older woman pulls right behind me in some little red car and stops. I’m wondering what she’s doing when I notice 2 things out of the corner of my eye; 1. The first woman is now backing into the space to my left and she’s doing a sorry job of it and 2. a rather large woman is now getting into the Magnum in front of me. This large woman just came out of the tanning place, but she was very pale. Her skin was all red and blotchy like someone who never sees sun. Anyway, I’m getting sidetracked…..

Now I look around to see the red car lady is backing into the spot to my right. I guess no one likes to pull straight in anymore? The woman on my left has started and stopped backing in twice and now has almost gotten into the space. Problem is her side of the car is about 2” from my car. She pauses, looks at how close she is and then looks at me. I just tilt my head and raise my eyebrows as if to say “Well, you’re in the space but now we’re both trapped for life.” The woman in the Magnum is now backing out of her space and the little red car has just backed into her space crooked and bumped her car into a tree alongside the space. At least if this situation doesn’t change I can escape my car out that side.

So now I’ve got one woman on my left who can’t park and is amazingly close to my car and another woman to my right who can’t park and is so far away from me that she is only half into and half out of her space, bumping into a tree that you really have to try hard to bump. With a heavy sigh I just look to the front hoping these women will figure out WTF they’re doing soon so I can leave. As I look ahead I notice that the front end of the Magnum is now getting dangerously close to the concrete barrier as the driver backs out. (I remember briefly wondering just why she is turning the wheel while backing out.) She is looking out of her passenger side and not watching how close the front of the car is to the barrier. I reach up to hit my horn to try to warn her just as she gives the car a quick hit on the gas, just enough to quickly bring the front of that new car into a grinding contact with the concrete. AND SHE DOESN’T STOP!. I hit my horn as she drags her front end about 3’ down the concrete and it sounds terrible! She hears my horn and stops quickly, looking at me like I’m a dope, and I see her mouthing the words “What’s your problem?” I just shake my head and point to her front end. She looks at it and begins to move again, but then notices what I was trying to point out and freaks! She pulls back into the spot and gets out to look, but I can’t get out to speak to her because the genius to my left still hasn’t finished trying to park. The woman to my right has managed to pull forward and back in again at a worse angle and her back wheel is now up into the grassy area and her bumper is again against the tree. I’m literally surrounded by nimrods and there doesn’t seem to be any end in sight. I just want to go home and have my salad.

Finally nimrod #1 (to the left) has finished her magnificent park job and left enough room to get out. She gets into her back seat to get something while I look over to see where nimrod #2 is and the dope lets her door lean against my car. I roll down my window and as loud as I can I clear my throat. She looks at me and when I nod down to her door hitting my car, she quickly grabs a bag out of her car and slams the door. As if she has any reason to be pissed at me. She then goes over to the tree-killer and begins to direct her so she finally can park straight. I should have known they were together. They stand back as I finally FINALLY! can get going. As I back out and begin to leave I see the big girl standing by her damaged new car talking, no wait, screaming into a cell phone and throwing her hands around like a crazy person.

As I leave the carnage wreaked on this poor unsuspecting parking area, I am again reminded that some people should not be allowed to drive around unsupervised. That tree did nothing to deserve the bumping and marking it got, but I think that concrete barrier will enjoy the new green color it inherited tonight. Sometimes even a small amount of re-decoration can be very fulfilling.