My birthday recently passing by has me thinking about some of the past birthday parties I've had. One in particular stands out as totally absurd. Of course, when absurdity is the norm, my old friend G has to be involved.
I can't remember for sure which year it was, but it was one of the many parties we had in G's back yard. He had this old house in a tiny little town where a train track ran right behind his property. Literally you could walk 10-15 steps out his back gate and be on the tracks. The trains would come in regular intervals too. I believe somewhere around 45 minutes in between. We had a bunch of people over and built this giant bonfire in the yard. The booze was flowing in crazy amounts (as usual) along with some people smoking weed. (I didn't smoke. It just made me sick.) For a few hours things were about the same as always. Drunks making drunk jokes that are only funny to drunks. Lots of silliness and shots and all the usual party stuff.
At some point some genius got the idea that they would just burn their empty cardboard beer case in the bonfire. Then someone else suggested that it was a sacrifice to the beer gods in order for us all to be able to drink more beer. Naturally, all of us being in altered states kept adding to the lore of the sacrifice until there was this totally goofy ceremony being performed and the used case was burned. Once it was thrown in, cheers and high fives were everywhere. (and they were 'high' fives)
As we were all cheering the sacrifice, a train came by. A sudden hush came over almost everyone as the same idea must have occurred to all of us at the same time. "We must sacrifice something to the train god!" Well, that set off a frenzy of what we would have ready for the next trains passing. It started innocently with some coins being placed onto the tracks, some beer bottles. Simple stuff really. Then G came and put this old cassette player onto the tracks. He said it deserved to be sacrificed since it only ate tapes anymore. Next thing you know everyone was taking stuff from their cars and purses and putting them onto the track for sacrifices. By the time the train was due again, there was junk lined up for 10 feet on either side of the tracks and there were a bunch of drunken idiots standing by their favorite sacrifice, waiting to see it demolished by the inevitable judgement of the train god.
When that train finally came around the curve and we saw it was on the way, you would have thought we were totally nuts. There was cheering and yelling like it was a World Series game or something. When it got to the sacrifices and smashed them, people were actually jumping up and down and screaming like it was the coolest thing ever. It was hilarious! There was junk everywhere! The mess left behind was amazing.
The problem with this type of thing, all the ingredients I've explained being involved, is that the moment passes too quickly. There has to be another. The drunken mind is tuned that way. There has to be another moment. So naturally, we had to get more sacrifices ready! This time G started out by bringing out his toaster. He decided it would be a sufficient sacrifice since it only toasted bread. ??? We didn't care about his explanation; we joined in happily clearing his home of all the useless and semi-useless stuff. We put his toaster oven on the tracks, his old record player, a ton of bottles, some old music equipment (amps and speakers) matchbox cars, stuffed animals and even a lawn mower. That luckily got removed though before the train came by. I think it could have been a bad thing. When we were ready for the train god to pass judgment, the tracks looked like Fred Sanford’s back yard. There was junk along them for 20 feet on each side. I remember thinking, "I sure hope none of this stuff derails the train". Somehow through the beer and Tequila shots a lucid thought escaped.
Well, when the train came by this time, stuff flew everywhere! It looked like a bunch of mini-explosions. It really was cool to see. The celebration was huge again. But once again though, it was short lived. The next sacrifice needed to be planned.
This pattern continued for a couple more sacrifices until finally the thrill had gone out of it. Finally everyone left or passed out. When I woke up and walked outside to survey the mess, I was shocked! The tracks were littered with broken junk for 100 yards at least. It looked like a tornado had dumped piles of stuff onto this one stretch of tracks and no where else. The devastation was amazing to see. G came out and slowly surveyed the damage. He was silent for a long time, looking at all the stuff taken from his house and sacrificed to the train god. He stood there holding what was left of his toaster, smiled at me and said "Good thing 7-11 is nearby. I need a bagel." He then just tossed it aside and went and got a bagel at 7-11.
Looking back on these days, I truly believe there never was a 'normal' time out with G involved. It was a hell of a birthday party though. (And the shopping trip to Wal-Mart to restock G's house was another story in itself.)
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