Relationships - Part 4

Finally, the last installment of my personal take on relationships.

Some people can’t exist without being involved in a relationship. They just don’t feel ‘complete’ without a significant other in their lives, even if it’s not a good situation. I’ve known more than one person who has told me they just have to have someone. This type of person can go through a lot of stuff. They are the type that will hook up with someone and talk themselves into feeling something that really isn’t there. Just to have someone. When it ends, they do it again. And they really don’t like to hear that they are doing the same thing over and over. They will ask your opinion, but giving it is like talking to a rock, wasted time.

Then there is the type that can ‘take it or leave it.’ I think I fall into this category. If someone comes along, OK. If not, OK. That’s not to say this person won’t pursue someone. I’ve certainly been known to do so. But usually this person will simply fall into something and eventually realize that a relationship has started. That’s me. Problem is, this type will not be too broken up if something goes wrong. They tend to be a bit inattentive to details and it bites them in the ass a lot. (I’m definitely guilty of this.) If it ends, OK. If it goes on, without too much work required, OK. If I’m alone for a while, something will happen. Not to worry. Personally, there have been very few times in my life where I’ve felt lonely. Usually after heavy drinking the ‘lonely boy attitude’ would show up. It went away quickly. Being alone and being lonely are two completely different animals. The 'I've got to have someone' personality type doesn’t get this idea.

I think (personal opinion coming, again) that the worst person anyone could get saddled with is the ‘terminal romantic’. For this person, nothing is good enough. Even if you start out well, the romantic acts can’t keep being topped. Then you have a situation where the romantic ‘just isn’t getting what they need from the relationship’. This person will be searching forever for something that just doesn’t exist. They can’t be satisfied with real life. They live in their romantic fantasy novels and don’t come out. Romance is fun. It’s addicting. But no one can live like that 24 hours a day. And who would want to? All the good stuff would get to be old hat. Nothing would be special anymore. You know, the old “Gee flowers. How nice”. bored reaction after you make the same gesture too many times. No thanks.

And why does everyone think you have to work at a relationship? Shouldn’t it work well to begin with? If something is a lot of work, what’s the point? Maybe those involved should face facts and admit they aren’t compatible.

This dialog could go on forever. I’m certainly no expert on this subject, but I do have a few opinions, eh? Truth is, who really is an expert? The so-called relationship experts aren’t consistent with their advice. Everyone is different and they just try to generalize for all situations. Pretty much junk, in my book.

All opinions are pretty subjective. As with most people I know, I’ve been through the ringer with relationships. What I think isn’t necessarily what someone else can agree with. I guess the bottom line is to be true to your instincts. Be true to yourself. Be honest with yourself and with those you choose to include in your life. Don’t be a wimp with this one. Sometimes brutal honesty is all that can help the future work out. To be stuck in a long-term deal and to be miserable is the worst thing people can do to themselves. There’s a big world to be explored. Handicapping yourself doesn’t make sense. The clichés like ‘love conquers all’ and ‘you have to work at it’ and ‘If it was meant to be…’ all work out for only the terminally romantic minded. They don’t mean squat when facing the reality of living with and loving someone else. You only live once. Gotta make the best of it the first time around. (There’s a cliché I can deal with).