For some reason I was thinking of an old friend this morning (we'll call him G) that I haven't seen for years. We were nearly inseparable for about 5 years. Problem was, we were a terrible influence on one another. No matter what we did we ended up blitzed and in another adventure. (There were many.)
This adventure happened at a local bar on open mike night. This particular evening we were attempting to comsume every ounce of Tequila they had and somewhere during our brain cell homicidal rampage, two women showed up and weren't interested in leaving there alone.
Now I must preface this by letting you know that my friend G was a magnet for strange, freaky and scary people. No matter where we went, someone outside the realm of the standard human being would latch onto him and not let go. He lamented this quality often, but nothing ever changed. This night was no exception.
At some point after I had injested the worm from our first killed bottle (Which I had won in the 'coin bounce into the shot glass contest'), I noticed that one of the women had started holding tightly onto G's hand. Problem was, she had every intention of keeping it. Next she put her other hand behind his neck and was trying to draw him in for a big wet smooch. He couldn't get away from the super grip she had on him, so he did what any self respecting he-man would do, he started screaming into her face like a little girl. This of course sent me into hysterics and I was no help at all.
As I was catching my breath, I was able to see the bouncers finally arrive to help the terrified screaming little girl voice they were hearing. Once they assessed the situation, they tried to pry the amorous lady's hands free, but it wasn't working out well. My friend, his newest love and both bouncers ended up in a heap on the floor rolling around, yelling, cussing, and screaming. I couldn't stop laughing. (Some help I am.) This woman was professing her "undying love for this wonderful man she intended to be with for the rest of her life" so loud it was drowning out the music. How she had made this assessment about him during the one hour long courtship, I don't know.
It turned out to be quite the scene.
Soon the bouncers had the woman outside and we were leaving with our other friends, and as we went by the area where they were stuffing the woman into her truck, she started screaming out her love for G again. Then her partner came over as we were loading up to go and gave me her phone number, hoping we would call. That's when I lost it again and had to be lifted into the car. My ribs hurt for days after that one.
I don't know why I started thinking about this incident this morning. I haven't been involved in a scene like that for a decade at least. (I feel like I've lived 2 distinctly separate lives. One pretty crazy and one more normal that is only about 9 years old. I’m Mr. respectable/responsible now. More on that some other time.) I do know that there are so many G stories that I could entertain people for hours. This one is actually pretty tame. I think sometimes that I miss the adventures we shared, but I know for sure I don't miss the aftermath.
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