Good Guys Come In Strange Packages

We have a custodian at work who is a bit different. He’s an older black man with no front teeth and a large round belly. He’s a really nice guy, almost always has a smile on his face, but he has some strange ways. For instance, you always know where he is because he’s always talking. Doesn’t matter if someone is talking back or not. It doesn’t even matter if anyone is in the same room, he’s still talking. And if you actually talk with him a little, you have to get used to walking away before he stops talking. Because he won’t stop. It feels rude, but the old guy really doesn’t seem to notice.

Then there is the issue of just what the heck he’s saying. Most times you can barely understand him at all. He says many things over and over, so I’ve gotten some idea of what he’s saying sometimes. When I ask him how he’s doing, he’ll go on for a while in whatever language he speaks, then at some point he’ll say “I’m still rockin! Rock baby rock!” This means he’s pretty busy and he doesn’t mind. He’ll just keep working. Always in conversations with him somewhere is the 'rock baby rock!'

Once he told me that he had been bad when he was young. He “liked to drink and do a little druggin”. He said his brain “ain’t what it used to be.” I believe him. A few months ago I was in the restroom washing my hands. He was in a stall. I knew it was him because he was singing, sort of. It’s a cross between singing and humming. As I was drying my hands he came out of the stall without his shirt on. I still don't know where it got to. There he was, standing there singing with this big cheesy, no tooth grin on his face and his big gut pointing my way. I asked him what he was doing and he just laughed and said his shirt gets in the way when he’s crapping. OK.

Another time I was upstairs and went into the restroom and he once again shocked me. As I rounded the corner there he was in the first stall, pants down around his ankles taking a dump with the stall door wide opened. I stood there for a second stunned. He just grinned from ear to ear and laughed out loud. I just left the room.

If anyone has read Seinfeld’s book, you’ll understand this next part. Jerry said in the book that people who work in the same place shouldn’t have to make small talk every time they see each other. After the first greeting of the day if they see one another again, all they should be required to do is to acknowledge each other. Like a Vulcan, when they pass they should just have to say “Acknowledge.” So, twice now in the last week I’ve walked by our custodian and just said “Acknowledge!” Without missing a beat he just starts laughing. His laugh is funny too. It goes like Ha, HA, HAAA! Three very distinct ha’s getting progressively louder. Makes me laugh just hearing him. I laugh also because he doesn’t even know about the Seinfeld thing. I asked him if he watched the show and he didn’t know what I was talking about. He just laughs about me saying it.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think he’s a bad guy. Actually, I think he’s a pretty good guy. He just has some weird ways. He constantly works hard, keeping everything in order. Nowadays though, I just try not to end up in the restroom when he’s in there. I don’t need any more free shows.