A View From The Other Side

Well hey there little feller! Yep, it's me, Joe Sixpack (six pack'a PBR pounders, that is), the redneck from West by God Virginia here to screw up your mornin co-mute but guud once agin. I knowed ya'all done bin missin me, so's I made it a special point to git right in front'a ya and I in-tend to stay put fer a few miles.

Wass a matta, dontcha like the way I'm stickin right here in the fast lane doin 50? All right, I'll just speed up a bit fer ya... oops, sorry bout that little fella. I dint notice you was trying for going round me like that. Too bad yer still stuck behind me agin. Jus to keep us safer, I'ma gonna slow down fer ya agin, you know, cause I cares fer ya n all.

I noticed you checkin out my purty red Ford Ranger truck. Yep, it's a gen-u-ine 1986 model with all the trimmins. You know what trimmins I mean, dontcha? Thas riight, this here big ol seat is all the trimmins I need! This is where my sister ooops! I mean my wife and I did our honeymoon thing. Then we went on inta the trailer, but it weren't so good in there. Yep, lotsa sent-e-mental stuff happened right here on this truck seat. Don't tell no body, but her Mama was purty happy on this seat a few times too. *wink* Awww, don't make me blush. I know I'm jus an old time ro-man-tic kinda guy.

Whoa, little fella! You almost got by me there! Good thing I was able to put the pedal to the metal there. I mighta lost yer comp-ny. That there big ol dumper truck should keep you pinned behind me fer a little while longer, yessiree.

Anyhow, I seen you lookin at the purty paintin job I done on my truck. Yep, I chose that there bright red all by my self. Did the sprayin all by myself too. I got a good deal on the cans of that there Rust Oleum spray paint down to the Dollar General store. Didn't take too much time neither. Only thang that pissed me off was the way that darned ol paint would get all over my hands and stuff. I damn near had to take a whole bath after paintin, and it wasn't even Saturday night yet!

Whoa little buddy! Ya darn near made it past me that time! That little rice-burner auty-mobile thingy yer drivin is pretty darn quick. I had to almost blow up my motor to keep you from passin. Now that we're forced back inta the same lane agin, I'll continue my story. I likes yer com-pny little fella!

You see that there con-fed-rite flag in my back winda? That there will be the countrys flag agin some day. Don't let them commie bastards in Warshingtin fool ya. The south will rise agin! And them there holes around my window where the gun rack used to display my beautiful Bambi killers will be filled once agin when the south finally wins. Like they shoulda in the first place.

Wow little fella, that there little vehicle of yers sure can move! I guess I'll be seein ya another time since this here highway done started bein 3 lanes and you are on yer way to - wherever. Ya'all take care now. Thanks fer the nice wave as you went by. But ya gotta be careful, little fella. Where I come from, wavin yer middle finger like that is a form a courtin and another man might not take that quite right. They might think youse queer or somethin.

Now me, I'm alright with that cuz I knowed you was probly jsut bein friendly. But just in case, I want ya to know that you kin come on over and check out this here truck seat any time ya want. Yer OK wit me, little fella!